Dangerous Affections
by ladyand
Summary: 'I realize for the first time tonight my troubles with Serena, Nate and mother were out of my mind due to Chuck Bass. The Basstard.' I'll bring you into the wondrous lives of Chuck and Blair . A story on how these two teens struggle for their feelings in a land filled with designer goods, expensive clothes, private limos, powerful parents and exclusive parties. Rewrite of 1x01-1x07
1. Perverse Heart

Summary- 'I realize later that for the first time tonight my troubles with Serena, Nate and mother were out of my mind due to Chuck Bass. The Basstard.' I'll bring you into the wondrous lives of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. Serena and Nate's sinful night is the catalysis for the beginning of Chuck and Blair in a way we never knew. A story on how these two teens struggle for their feelings in a land filled with designer goods, expensive clothes, private limos, and exclusive parties.

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A.N Haven't done this in a long time. I do not know if people even read GG fics anymore but this was in my head for a while now so here it is. Picking up from the originally plotline of Serena van der Woodsen return to the UES this is story told through Blair and Chuck's point of view. I pretty much follow the original episode but things are going to change greatly by the next episode. Blair and Chuck already have feelings for each other when we began that they fail to recognize in themselves. The rating might go up in later chapters. Gossip Girl characters are somewhat wild and unbelievable for teenagers. I try to stay true to the personalities of all the character (besides Eleanor and Bart). Additionally there will be a lot of Blair and Eleanor as well as Chuck and Bart in this story. Since this will be told from C & B POV very little Dan and little J in the beginning.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any persons or places that are depicted in my story.

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"How characteristic of your perverse heart that longs only for what happens to be out of reach."  
― Pierre Choderlos de Laclos -Les Liaisons Dangereuses

* * *

Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand: Serena van der Woodsen." Was it only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared for "boarding school?" And just as suddenly, she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves. Lucky for us Melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel, -XOXO

Sometimes I wondered why I bothered with such a simple predictable best friend. He was the golden boy of the Upper East Side and was everything you expected with it. Perfect on the outside and sometimes dreadfully boring on the inside but he was loyal. He was only an Archibald and his family name was cemented in this city while mine was only newly plastered. See here in this part of Manhattan certain names -Vanderbilt, Astor, Whitney - go a long way. You cannot buy your way in with a few million like in South Beach, San Francisco, or like those wannabes in the Silicon Valley. You need billions. Bass billions. Yet even with my billions here, I was searching for the Golden Boy with direct order from the Queen herself.

Nathaniel had gone 'missing' a few hours ago. He was supposed to turn up at Blair's mother parities tonight for fashion week and failed to show. She needed him to go over details for her Kiss the Lips Party this weekend. This was not unlike him and Blair was on the verge of throwing a fit especially after the gossip girl blast about Serena's return. Wanting no part in the uptight princess's oncoming rant or wanting to socialize with UES preps and gold digging models now I gladly did her bidding. Figuring Nathaniel was holed up in my suite I made my way back to the Palace. Opening the door to 1812, I walked into the two dumb blondes going at it on my couch. Serena was straddling Nathaniel while his hands fisted in her hair pulling tightly. I snapped a photo on my photo because you never know when you need blackmail. Gossip Girl loves her photo evidence. I leaned back against the door to close it. Crossing my hands over my chest waiting to see when they were going to notice me. It was only would Serena's dress was flung in my direction did I cough to announce my presence.

"Chuck! What the fuck man" Nate yelled over Serena shrieking at me to throw her dress back.

Fuck was right. Serena was Blair's best friend or was. Who can keep track. Serena was supposed to be at boarding school not about to have sex with Blair's boyfriend. Blair's prince charming. Flashing them a classic Bass smirk I walked to the bar for some scotch. I needed a drink and maybe a smoke. Pouring the amber liquid into the glass slowly giving the blonde-haired people sometime to sit in the uncomfortable silence I thought of Blair. Blair Waldorf was top grade bitch. Moreover, I cherished her for it. I thought the three people in this room cared for her the most in the world. Well maybe not so much Nathaniel but in his own way I am sure he has 'deep' feelings for her. She is elegance defined; she felt like silk, tasted like smoothest scotch, smelled like lavender, had the strength of diamonds and in no way deserved this. I rolled the liquid in the glass before throwing it back along with my foolish thoughts. A good scotch should be drunk slowly but this was the not the time for that. I poured myself another.

"I done some fucked up shit. But I would have never…" I turned to look at them not finishing my sentence. Honestly, if I had the chance with Blair I might just take it too. Forbidden fruit and all. Serena was crying as she often does and Nate was holding her close.

"We feel shitty enough Chuck. Don't act like you haven't done some shady shit on your own. You are Chuck Bass after all" Nate spat.

Internally I was a bit surprised at his outburst but I kept a cool facade and ignored him. "I thought you were away at school? Well I guess things were getting a bit boring with you away and all. I can see the GG post already. Spotted Our It Girl is fucking our Golden Boy. Guess our Queen was a little too virginal and frozen for Golden Boy" I laid into them.

"Chuck, fuck man. Let up. You know how many girls you screwed in the Upper East Side alone."

"Not a single one was my girlfriend because Chuck Bass doesn't do girlfriends. O wait you never slept with your girlfriend either"

"Both of you stop fighting. Chuck is right this is wrong. The Shepard wedding was wrong this is wrong. Blair is my best friend.

My phone ringing cut off Serena thankfully. IF she said the word wrong one more time, I would have just walked out. Noticing it was Blair I thought about hitting ignore but she is like a bloodhound and I figured I would get it over with now.

"Bass. Did you find him? Is he still alive? Cause if he is I am going to wring his neck for not being here. Did you see the blast? Serena was spotted in Manhattan. If she thinks she is going to waltz right back into the UES and everything is going to be normal she is wrong. I am queen now and she is…"

"She's with Nate and me," I directly told her. My motivations unclear even to me. The blonde-haired people looked up in horror at me with the realization that I meant Serena.

Clearly surprised Blair flattered and stuttered "sh-she is ?" Sounding her age- the sixteen-years young- that we were for the first in a long time. I knew that the thought of Nate and Serena being alone together was suspicious to her because she was all too familiar with their looks at each other before Serena fled to boarding school. I instantly felt sick at the thought of causing her pain. It was a feeling I have never felt before. The ache felt like the embarrassment I felt when my father has to bail me out of trouble but also with a sense of protection that I have felt only for Nathaniel.

"Yea we will be there shortly. Bye" I hung up before she could say anything else. "Wipe your tears Serena we have a party to attend. Before we get there, you two should decide your next steps. Tell Blair of the affair or lie about it. But both of you have horrible lying abilities I shudder to think of what you will come up with. So choose wisely."

"Chuck, why did you tell her we were together? What happened to my man, bros before hoes?"

"Have I taught you nothing? The best lies combine a bit of the truth. Would you want to risk that there is no photo of you two entering the Palace together or if no one will snap one leaving. Gossip Girl is sniffing around for another picture of Serena in Manhattan. You can say you had a drink in the palace bar if Blair asks where you were." I shook my head knowing Blair would have instantly understood this concept.

"I am not dressed for a party. I should go see my mother and Eric first anyway. Nate we should tell her first chance we get together. I don't want her to hear this from anyone else," Serena said before glaring at me. Clearly thinking her stern stare could frighten me. The ditz. I pinched my brows together thinking of their stupidly.

"I can hold my tongue. You think this is the first time I had a front row seat to you two. The bar stool was a bit adventurous for a first time Nathanial but I figured you were following Serena's lead. But it was quite a show. I just assumed the guilt made S flee and never return. But here you are once again on top of dear old Nate. I guess the guilt wasn't too strong. Don't worry I've kept my mouth closed for quite a while." Embarrassed they looked away.

* * *

"1136 Fifth Avenue right by Central Park" Nate angrily told the yellow cab driver and all together ignored my request to wait for Arthur who was probably only moments away in the Palace parking garage. Apparently, Serena was staying at the Palace with her family as they renovated their penthouse.

"Now you are in a rush. So we have to drive in cheap plastic and tin," I grimace as the smell off knock off perfume engulfed my senses as I slide across the plastic.

"I don't want to hear about your fucking limo right now dude. And since when are you one of Blair's minions?"

Pink bubblegum stuck behind the driver's head. The creative gum artist had arranged pieces to form a smiling face. Currently, the only smile in the vehicle since Nathaniel seemed to be mad at me and the driver looked worried as if we were going to have blows.

"I do no ones bidding. But if my suit gets stain from these seats I am sending my dry cleaning bill to you."

I was trying to avoid this conversation not wanting to further understand my own feelings or this sense of protection I had for Waldorf that seemed to be getting stronger every day. Sure, we have all known each other since kindergarten but once the drugs, liquor and girls became my life three years ago I barely saw her as anything more than Nate's girlfriend. Recently in Serena's absence and Blair's rise to queendom of the Upper East Side, I admit she amazed me. At first, she ruled over Constance and then took over all the prep schools or the five families as she called them. I watched as she took down the skanks of Spence, the bitches of Brearley, and the Blair-clones of Chapin while Nightingale surrendered quaking at her feet. Within months of that, every matron on the UES knew Blair Waldorf and she was cementing her place on the boards of every major charity years before she submitted her high school transcript to Yale. I wondered what she would look in the Bass boardroom and I only could imagine what the she could do. The older executives would not stand a chance. Quickly I began to think of Blair on the table in the Bass boardroom and all the things I could do to her. I felt the tugs of a smirk begin that I had to force down. Once again, I wished I were in my limo where I could have had yet another glass of scotch that I so desperately needed. Instead, I fiddled with my signature patchwork silk scarf. Silk that I could tie Blair up with. Fuck.

"Your hotel staff handles your dry cleaning. Stop mentioning the limo. You don't need to come around acting you saved the day with all your fucking money." Nate responding a bit late to my remark but I welcomed the distraction.

"Woah. Chill. Why are you talking about money? Lighten up. Besides you were the one just enjoying the riches of my suite."

Upper East Side 101: never talk about money unless you are in a business meeting. It is considered midtown to discuss money flow, which is why we dreamed up way to display our money through designer clothes, five star restaurants, and private jets that can take us to private islands. The silence made me slightly uncomfortable and I shifted on the fake leather seat.

"It's just…. forget it." Usually at this point in our conversations I would light a joint in the privacy in my limo I thought of mentioning this but I thought better of getting on his nerves knowing we were driving closer to face the wrath of Blair.

"Do you know what you are going to tell the misses?"

"I dunno know," shrugging it off as if he was running late because of traffic rather than sucking face with his girlfriend's best friend. He questioned why I cared so much. I shrugged him off. "Serena wants to tell her together." He added later.

"I am not looking for the drama that is going to come with this. Blair has destroyed people with far less skeletons in their closet than you, my dear friend. Hey, if you want to whore around I can bring you to the best ladies. Hell, I have tried for years to get you to loosen up and enjoy women but you were strictly with Blair. But then you go for Van der Woodsen who is last season's news and probably not a top rate hookup since she is usually drunk off her ass when she is with guys." I paused. "But I can introduce you to these Russian twins. They know how to have fun."

"Serena will never be out of season," was his only reply and I saw that we just pulling up to Blair's building.

We hopped into the elevator quickly as Nate was acting like a bat out of hell. I abandoned my saunter to reach him after throwing a fifty at the cab driver. The ride was silent, as the attendant knew Nate well enough to know we were riding to the top floor where the Waldorf penthouse where Eleanor's party was in full swing. The doors opened to reveal a smiling Blair that was seething on the inside.

"Nate can you please join me in my room in a few minutes," she pretended to ask as she reached up to kiss his cheek. We all knew it was a demand. She glanced at me and acknowledged me with my surname then walked away. She looked sexy in her prim and proper black lace dress and patterned black tights. The heels, man those heels were going to haunt me. Sky-high black pumps.

"Maybe we should leave. Did I mentioned that the twins are lingerie models?" I offered to Nate. He gave me a smile before following Blair who looked too effing good right now. How he could have not sealed that deal yet was beyond me. Walking over to bar, I ordered the finest scotch. The bartender only hesitated slightly before realizing his place.

While Nate followed Blair I chatted with Kati and Iz who looked like Japanese dolls with the way they were dressed. Not in a good way. Lots of colors and even plastic jewelry. I tolerated them as they did me for Blair.

"Oh my god! Did you see Gossip Girl?"

"Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central." Why was she even on a train I briefly wondered? Commercial train travel was not a Van der Woodsen family trait.

"Of course. Things were getting a little dull around here. I am sure things are finally going to get interesting."

 _Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me the deets. And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell- XOXO Gossip Girl_

* * *

"Where were you Nate?" I was staring down my boyfriend of forever trying to figure why he was with Serena only minutes before. I knew that the two golden blonde-haired people were into each other before Serena's disappearance. Well Nate made eyes at her while she soaked up the attention. It was simple, S was starved for attention, and Nate liked shiny things. AP psych 101. I was trying to keep my cool, not be a doormat, all while trying to sound confident. Being 21st women was tough.

"I bumped into Serena and we were starting chatting. Time got away from us and I completely forgot. I am sorry baby," Nate clearly trying to appease me leaned in for a kiss. I moved before he got close and turned my back to face the mirror.

"What did she say?" I really wanted to ask how my best friend was doing after a year hiatus but stopped myself.

"You can asked her at school tomorrow." Nate came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

"School? So I guess she is back for good." I looked at him and our eyes connected through the mirror. "I love you Nate Archibald. Always have, always will."

"I love you too." Did he? Taking a deep breath, I turned to kiss him. I had to make him want me and ensure that he did not need to go anywhere else tonight. I pushed him back onto the bed and straddled him while grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"Blair..." he moaned. I smiled to myself as I kissed his jawline. When I felt him move his hands down to my shoulders I thought he was going towards my breast but he had other ideas. I was embarrassed when pushed me off him rather than grabbed me. "Your mom is downstairs with friends and half the fashion insiders. Shouldn't we get back?"

Knowing I was rejected. I moved away from him and stood up as quickly as I could. I walked back over to the mirror pretending to fix my clothes but everything was still perfectly press. Nate never passionately ruffled my clothing so they were as they should be. So instead, I looked to see what was wrong with me and for a second debated going blonde. I fixed my headband before I decided my skin was far too pale to pull it off. We made our way back down stairs and where I saw my minions in a corner awning over the designers in the room. My mom stopped us at the bottom of the stairs and asked to speak to me for a second. She guided me to the edge of the party before she began to belittle me.

"Dear, your friends are fawning over my guest. Really, are children being raised with no class these days? I do miss Serena she was always such a fun sprite at these things. Much of my design team was often inspired by her graceful line and youth."

"She is back in town mother. Just today and she would have come but she was busy unpacking," I quickly cut her off hoping this was not going to be another Serena love fest.

"How exciting for you. I see that you wore one of my dresses. Really, Blair you could have at least altered it to fit you better but rather I don't really design for your shape. Well next time then." She turned and reentered the party with another thought.

As I watched her walk away, I realized we were in earshot of two guest. Basshole and Marc Jacobs were standing there looking at me with shock and pity. I felt the bile rise to my mouth and the tears to my eyes. I quickly turned away and walked over to my minions not wanting to cause a scene. I knew if I were alone right now, I would have resulted to old harmful habits. As much as I wanted to, I feared Bass would follow me if I did. It was some minutes later and after a lively discussion it seemed with Marc that Bass walked over to us. I purposely walked away from them to the bar to grab a drink. He walked up right behind me, placed his hand on my back, and whispered into my ear "Your mother is a bitch who clearly cannot see beauty. I would love to rip that Waldorf original to shreds and stare at your perfection."

"Gross Bass." I ignored him knowing he meant it as a sexual innuendo thinking it was one of his cheap lines that he throw out to keep up his reputation. As I turned to push his hand off, I made contact with his black dark eyes that were boring into me clearly with lust. My first thought was Bass would definitely make sure my clothes were wrinkled by the time he was through with me. My cheeks reddened at the thought. Chuck just ordered me a martini with two olives and another drink for himself. He probably knew I was only going to substitute the drinks for dinner. He liked to get under my skin in that way. On the other hand, maybe he just knew me too well.

"Did you see S?" I asked hoping to get information out him since Nate proved unhelpful yet again.

"I did. She is staying in the Palace while her mother redecorates. Maybe I should be neighborly and see if she or Lily need any cream," he lecherous smile. I stared him down clearly annoyed by his comments. "What I never told you about my Anne, Eleanor, and Lily dream?" he playfully asked.

"Chuck!" I tried to be angry but just giggled as Bass laughed outright. I realized that my face felt a little uncomfortable laughing once we were done. It had been awhile since I was able laugh to like this.

"I saw you chatting up with Marc Jacob like you were old friends."

"He saw I had style with a little bit of bad boy edge as he said. He is looking for his next line to mix grunge, prep, and couture. Sexy without giving a damn he said. Apparently, I have I mastered the cool but bored look without being too perfect. I think they were complements but he is looking for a couple for his new younger look to be his inspiration."

"I see so sleaze is back in style?"

"Was it ever out? I just wonder if fashion muse will look good on a resume?" he joked.

"I am sure all of Bass Industries will be wearing Chuck inspired items in no time. I am not sure if Bad Bart Bass will improve. Then again, once he commented that you shouldn't wear purple in the 6th grade it was like Barney threw up on you and that was all you wore. So he should know better now," He laughed again and I could not help the small snort in my laugh that I try to cover in public. This made Chuck laugh harder, which gained the attention of our friends and the room.

"What are you guys laughing about?" Nate asked with Iz and Kati in tow.

"Chuck's love of the color purple and all things fashion."

"Confidence is the key when those around us cannot see perfection," he winked at me. My cheeks flushed which surprised me. I told myself it was hunger and alcohol that made my face hot and stomach tingle.

I realize later that for the first time tonight my troubles with Serena, Nate and mother were out of my mind due to Chuck Bass. The Basstard.


	2. Thwarted Desire

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any persons or places that are depicted in my story.

Please review if I should continue? By the way Les Liaisons Dangereuses was a major inspiration for this story so I will have a quote at the beginning of every chapter best suited for what will happen.

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 _"_ _It has become necessary for me to have this woman, so as to save myself from the ridicule of being in love with her: for to what lengths will a man not be driven by thwarted desire?"_

― Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses

* * *

"Dorata! Where are you?" I called out to her as I threw plaid skirts around the room trying to find the right one. There was still an hour before school started but I needed to know what accessories I would be wearing so I can inform the minions. Otherwise, they would clash with my outfit or god-forbid wear the same article of clothing. "Dorota!"

"Right here, Miss Blair. Just getting breakfast for you. I know it's going to be long day with Miss Serena back in town. Why do you think she is back? Running from the mob? An affair with a teacher? CherryGirl27 thinks-"

"What did I tell you about reading the gossip girl comments Dorota. She probably missed the attention of the photographers in the city. But we need the perfect outfit. One that says I am queen and I rule with an iron fist." I love Dorota but she really lets her mind wonder. I needed her mind focused on what was important- ensuring my place on the hierarchy. I had already applied the makeup for the day going for a soft look with my loose curls as I normally did. Under the pretense of not wanting to mess up my lip-gloss went for the fruit over the toast and eggs.

"Miss Blair you are going to need your strength. I'll pack yogurt in your purse," she informed me. I nodded my head as I chewed softly on a kiwi knowing I probably would not touch it under lunch.

"Final outfit?" I questioned as routine.

"Marc by Marc Jacobs skirt. Catherine Malandrino blouse. Navy DVF cardigan with black trim and red Prada flats. Of course a gold head band for a queen." Dorota listed as I mentally checked off the list in my head.

"I searched everywhere for the skirt. I thought I told you how to organize my closet. This season goes before last season," I roughly reminded.

"Yes Miss Blair. But last night you ordered for all Marc Jacobs clothing to be burned because of a bastard."

"You didn't! I didn't" I yelled out. "Why would I say something like that?" I knew it was because of the bass-tard not a bastard. Nate took his leave soon after his arrived but Chuck stood for a longtime. At first, I thought he was trying to pick up one of the new hot models on the scene but he stood and talked to me throughout the night. When mother left to get drinks with friends, she glanced at us suspiciously picking at the leftovers in the kitchen. I quickly lied and claimed that Chuck needed help on an assignment but at the time, we were making fun of the horrible outfits that were in the worn that night. We continued to drink and talk and laughed. It was the first time in a long time that Chuck and I hung out without discussing a plot of social destructive. I found to be charming and far more intelligent than Nate was. In fact, somehow we began to discuss Les Liaisons Dangereuses. I was shocked with his knowledge of the book but too excited to be able to converse with someone who read both the novel and play versions.

 _"_ _Chuck you are secretly an intellect!" I laughed as I hit him softly on the chest. We were both seated on the chaise in foyer as the staff cleaned up the remnants of the party. Mother had long ago left for drinks with a friend._

 _"_ _I read before I discovered porn," he responded dully but I could see the humor light up his eyes. I quirked an eyebrow his way to let him know that I did not believe it for a moment._

 _"_ _Its one of my favorites," he shared with a soft smile. Before today I would have sworn was not capable._

 _"_ _I reread it a dozen times as I took over the throne. 'If in accordance with my changing tastes I have by turn attached to my train or cast far from me if through these frequent revolutions I have kept my reputation intact; ought you not to have concluded that, since I was born to avenge my sex and to dominate yours, I must have created methods of escape unknown to anybody but myself?' " I quoted for him._

 _He looked at me intensely for a moment as if he was judging for my geeky reference. I was going to laugh it off but then he spoke in calculated manner as if he was judging far more than my taste in literature. "And here I thought you would have resonated with Madame de Tourvel not the Marquise. You know the virtuous young maiden who changes the heart of Valmont not the wicked Merteuil who stands his equal."_

 _"_ _Oh no. Cunning brilliance and ruthless manipulation is who I am."_

 _"_ _You forgot beauty." He remarked and I gulped. I never have been nervous around any man in this way. I usually took charge over Nate whenever we were together and he never pushed me further. But here sitting with Satan himself looking at me in a way that made me want to run in head first into hell and bathe myself in sin I felt the beads of sweat on my forehead begin to form._

 _Trying to gain control once more, I reverted to the French novel. "The ending was such a waste of brilliance. They would have ruled together if only they were willing to stop with all the games and such"_

 _"_ _If only. But then where would be the fun."_

 _When he left, he quoted a line directly from the book "the further I go the more I am tempted to believe that you and I are the only people in the world who are worth anything."_

 _The goosebumps and butterflies quickly came about me. I grabbed the vodka bottle the bartender had left us with and made my way to my room to watch Roman Holiday. Fucking Chuck. Ridiculous olives and martinis. Stupid purple. Marc Jacobs was out of his mind. Yet I dreamt that night of only enticing dangerous liaisons._

"Maybe you had a few too many martinis Miss Blair. Or maybe Mister Chuck put something in drink." she raised an eyebrow at me. Knowing Dorota read Gossip Girl she knew what a sleaze he could be. "But no worries I had no time to burn. I just placed in guest room. Let me get skirt and you eat more breakfast."

"Make sure to text the minions their outfit choices," I reminded her quickly trying to get back on track. The Kiss the Lips Party, Nate, Serena, and my mother were all that I had the time to think of. Last night with Chuck was just a friendly conversation. He is the best friend of my boyfriend. Nothing more.

* * *

I rode in the back of the limo as my father read his paper. The uncomfortable tension in the car was being to annoy me. The Palace was actually in Midtown south of Central Park but represented some the finest wealth in the City. The fifteen minute drive was the reason my father insisted that I have my own driver and limo. At Bart's insistence when he was in town we drove together thus, creating was fifteen minutes of silence and pure torture. At this moment, I envied the brownstone that Nate lived in only minutes from St. Jude's School for Boys. (1)

"You came in late last night."

"It was only one," I countered. We obviously had difference of opinion since last night was an earlier night for me. Usually he stood out even later than I did with models and women. Maybe his age was getting to him. I came home after I left Blair's penthouse. I obviously had far too many scotches since I did not call for company and instead leafed through my copy of the French novel. I cringed as I remembered when I said, "You forgot beauty." It was not a Bass worthy line and yet I said with no thought or pretense. It came out without a second thought. It something I would say when picking up a New Jersey or Long Island girl that came to the city looking for fun.

"It was a school night." He glared at me and I debated jumping out the limo into traffic. I rolled my eyes and said "It's fashion week" knowing it would anger him. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I could see the corners of his eyes tense up. I texted Nate to meet me at the park before school. I desperately needed a joint after this.

"Drop me off at the park. I think a stroll before class would be nice" I told the driver.

"Chuck, your grades need to improve this year. At this rate no ivy would take you even if donate a wing in your name."

"School is such a bore father. Maybe college isn't for me" I shrugged.

"Maybe a military academy would provide a better environment." It was clearly a threat and he meant it. Bart Bass would never lightly suggest anything.

"And who would employ the escort services in the city? They cannot survive on your business alone." I challenged back making sure to keep up my bored indifferent tone. If Bass was physically violent man I am sure he would have knocked me upside my head for that.

"You will remember that I am your father and treat me with the respect I deserve. I am not making idle threats Chuck."

I shifted slightly in my seat under his glaze. Once the car came to a stop at a red light only a few blocks away from school I responded. "Maybe I will remember once you remember that you have a son." I was out of the car and walking across the street into Central Park and out of the flow of traffic.

I walked alone for a few minutes until Nathaniel joined me. I was already halfway done with one joint.

"Rough morning?" he asked as he grabbed the joint that I held out for his.

"Bart Bass wants me to better in school," I shared while rolling my eyes.

"I feel ya. My dad won't let up about this Dartmouth thing. I just want to go the west coast where my last name doesn't mean much." His hands running through his hair as they often did when he was stressed out.

"I guess but I like that my last name is a panty dropper everywhere I go." He chuckled as he passed it back.

"You only have one parent. I have two and this legacy to live up to," he complained. I stiffed unconsciously at the mention and I wanted to smack Nate for even claiming that having two parents was a problem. "Oh shit, I am sorry man. I didn't mean-"

I waved him off to cut him off. "Try living up to the living legend of Bart Bass. It's like he wants me to make my first million before my next birthday or by his annual brunch the following weekend."

"I am sure you could do it before you are sixteen," Nate shrugged and passed the joint.

"Decide what to do about Blair?" I asked. The thought of the perfect couple breaking up was beginning to feel reassuring for some reason.

"Serena wants to tell her today. You know the sooner the better. But only about what happened at the wedding." He was looking at me for reassurance but he was in uncharted waters.

"So if you break up then you won't get to tap that. Six years and no closer to removing the iron chastity belt. It's a shame you guys have been dating since kindergarten yet you haven't sealed the deal" I joked as we were walking out of the park towards the Met where Blair was no doubt showing Constance where Serena's place was.

"Who say's seal the deal?" Nate joked. "But seriously I don't want her man. I just want Serena. But Blair seemed like she was in a good mood last night. Right?" I cannot understand how he does not want Blair. Nate would be the person who goes to Paris and forgets to see the Mona Lisa so I was not that surprised.

"Yea, she seemed fine. Just make sure that you do it in a public place so she doesn't whack your head off." We watched from below as Serena approached Blair. Without hearing the conversation, it was clear that Serena was being giving an icy reception.

"Maybe we should just go straight to school," Nate suggested fearfully as if the steps would eat him alive.

I nodded and followed. I knew that Nate not showing up for the morning kiss on the steps was going to put Blair in a bad mood. But watching him kiss her this morning would put me in one. Selfishly but unsurprisingly, I choose my needs over hers.

I noticed a weird hipster (2) type following us I turned and glared.

"Are you following us or something?" I questioned knowing that our peers often tried to post our conversations on Gossip Girl.

"No, I go to your school. Identical uniform isn't that kind of a tip-off?" the boy responded.

"That's funny." Nate sarcastically laughed. We exchanged glances. This shirt may have been yellow but was certainly a polyester blend while our shirts were 100-thread count with mother of pearl buttons.

* * *

 _Spotted on the steps of the Met: an S. and B. power struggle. Did S think she could waltz home and things will be just like they were? Did B think S would go down without a fight? Can these two hotties work it out? There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good cat fight. And this could be classic._

I sat on the steps of the Met with the minions around me annoyed the conversations was yet again about Serena's arrival and all the rumors that popped up on Gossip Girl. I was internally mad that Iz came to school with the new maize Salvatore Ferragamo bag that was special order only. (3) I wanted to comment that it was hideous but I think everyone would know it was a boldface lie. I ignored them and went over my schedule for the afternoon in my mind. Serena came bopping along in a metallic trench over her uniform with a tousled tie and red knee-highs peeking over her black boots. Her hair looked effortlessly beautiful and very bohemian. No headband on her hand or bright pops of colors as I demanded the girls wear. Her absence was no real excuse she could have found out from a girl from Constance. Her party girl free-spirited look was the style everyone wore before I took over and let these girls trample around in sequin gold minis with ridiculous cleavage. There is some skin that should remain unseen on certain people. The bohemian look just does not belong on this side of Central Park. Maybe on the Upper West Side.

"So... When's the party?" she looked nervous and slightly calmer than I remembered her to be. Usually Serena arrived like a wrecking ball. Still she was beautiful. She sparkled in way that made everyone take notice.

"Saturday. And you're kinda not invited. Since until twelve hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school. And now we're full. Jenny used up all the invites," I brushed her off with a smile.

"Umm. Actually…" Jenny began to say but I silenced her with a look. "You can go now." I dismissed her. "Sorry" I said sweetly to Serena.

"No, that's okay. I've got a lot of stuff to do anyway."

"Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you've got a lot of yogurt left," I said I stood up and brushed off my skirt. I noticed Nate and Chuck crossing the street walking towards school. Nate knows he is supposed to meet me here every morning. It seemed like things are changing already with Serena in town. Nonetheless, we had a date tonight. I decided that I was going to seal the deal tonight. That way he would have no reason to seek out Serena if I please him.

"B, wait," she called after me. I told Kati and Iz to go ahead without me.

"Can we talk, please? For old time's sake?" she asked.

I felt a twinge of happiness that used to when we hung out and I know I was going to give in to her. She had this way of making me loosen my reins and be free even if for only a moment. "I have a date with Nate tonight but since he couldn't bother to say good morning I guess I could be late."

She looked sick for moment before agreeing and telling me to join her at the Palace Bar for drinks at eight. "I cannot wait to catch up. And remember B, no matter what we are best friends, sisters." I nod at her and slowly walk away thinking of what she said. Best friends do not disappear on each other. This was the toughest year of my life and my so-called sister was nowhere to be found. Her departure I must admit forced me to find myself. I found out that was capable of even more than I dreamed. I was Serena's shadow in middle school and freshman year there was no way I was not going to be pushed back into it. The attention belonged to me now and I was going to ensure it stay there. I felt all eyes on me as I walked into courtyard seconds before the first bell. I acknowledged no one as I held my hand high. However, it was _his_ eyes that I felt bore into me that made me want to turn and look at him. But I did not. I could not risk my classmates thinking I was looking for Nate since he snubbed me this morning.

* * *

Classes had just ended and Nathaniel and I were heading out quick to grab a late lunch after school. Honestly, he just wanted to run away from Blair and my limo was the fastest getaway car. As soon as we got in, he pulled out a joint. He handed it to me while I lighted it up.

"This is some good stuff," I nodded wondering who he acquired it from. Usually he got his weed from my stash.

"Yeah. I'm gonna need it," he said referring to no doubt the conversation with Blair that was up and coming.

"Yeah? Maybe I should swipe some of my dad's Paxil?" When he did not responded and looked just as frightened I wondered if I should pick some up for him. "Nathaniel stop acting you are going to your execution."

"I may as well be," he muttered. I passed him the joint thinking the conversation had ended. Nate had more on his mind "My parents are also going to be devastated when they find out. My mom loves Blair. Do you ever feel like our lives have been planned out for us? That we've just gonna end up like our parents?"

"Man, what's with the dark thoughts?" he was seriously killing my buzz these days.

"Aren't we entitled to choose? Just to be happy?" He whined.

I rolled my eyes at his simple understanding of the world. I took a drag before answering and passing the joint back. "Look, be easy Socrates. What we are entitled to is a trust fund. Maybe a house in the Hamptons. A prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu. So smoke up, drink up, and end this with deal with Blair so you can fuck around with whoever you want. Cause you are no longer entitled to have spend your life with Waldorf."

"She isn't that bad. She is just a little anal, I guess."

I wanted to correct him and tell him she enchanting but I force the words back down.

"She is cute in a domineering way. You know the quiet ones and all." I added off handedly. After a silent pause in the conversation, ours puffs the only noise as we drove around the city. "You sure you don't want to find out before you end it?" I asked referring to Blair.

I was testing him. I've seen Nathaniel dismiss his feelings for Blair but often he would still claim to her love her in some way and stayed with her. I could claim that I was testing him for his own benefit in order to best advise him but that would not be the truth. I felt a pull towards Blair these past few months and it was only getting stronger. I wanted her that much I knew. But there was something else there. A need? An obsession of some sorts? I thought back to the photo I snapped of Nate and Serena that I took to possibly blackmail my only friend. I would not be able to voice why I took it in the first place but I felt like I needed it. I knew I pushed them to tell Blair yesterday which only weeks ago I would have probably helped Nate cover the scandal. Seeing Nate and Serena together yesterday only served to remind me the Shephard wedding. If I had to pinpoint the beginnings of these feelings for Blair, it was then. Something about knowing that Nate slept with Blair's best friend opened the possibility in my mind of her being with me. At first, I thought I just wanted what was not mine but those feelings soon grew. Soon the thought her Nate hurting Blair with his foolishness became bothersome. Before I knew it, I was trying my best to ensure that he would not disappoint her. Even yesterday the anger I felt when Eleanor berated her fueled with hate. I stood as long as I was welcome to make sure she ate dinner and then later so she would not throw it up. As Blair rose in ranks in Constance after Serena fled my feelings continued to grow as she sought me out for dirt on her enemies. I gladly handed her over the information and watch pleased as she took people down. Soon her takedowns filled me with such intense lust and I more than once wanted to take her in the courtyard of Constance. Then I knew that my fascination with Blair was reaching a tipping point when three weeks ago Gossip Girl posted a picture of Nate and her at a picnic in Central Park. They were kissing in the photo forcing me to snap the screen of the phone in half as I thought of that I should be with her in Central Park. Then yesterday everything seemed closer than ever before. Waldorf could be mine.

"I think it's time I took hold of my own life. As you always say Chuck, what are the benefits of these good looks if I do not use them to my advantage? I am never going to be this young or beautiful," he said with a sloppy grin.

"Ha. Pretty boys like you only get prettier. Botox and all," I joked as I dreamed up ways of taking his girlfriend. Nevertheless, if all went to plan tonight Blair would only be a step closer to my bed.

* * *

1 I tried to use a lot of the same dialogue of the first episode. In the first episode, Chuck and Nate rode a NYC bus, which I highly doubt they would ever do every day for school. Especially Chuck since his character is so pretentious.

 **Locations Note** : The townhouse that is depicted at the Archibald NYC home is just off 5th av and is one of the grandest townhouses in NYC at five stories. For those who are unfamiliar with the layout: 5th Av runs along Central Park. The Met is backed up against Central Park and is on spanning about 80-85th st. Constance and St. Jude's School are fictional but within the shw they are located on 82th right across the main entrance of the Met where the pretty steps are. The Palace hotel is on Madison Av but far below Central Park making it Midtown. In case you are wondering Blair's penthouse is on 1136 5th av. For fun in 2012, penthouse of 1136 was valued at 12 million.

2 Was hipster a word in 2007? I thought it best described Dan at this moment. A pre-hipster. Our first mention of loney boy :)

3 3. It was a special order bag retailing at $3,500. Researching for this story I am realizing just how rich these kids were supposed to be.

Please Review if you like the story or with suggestion. :)


	3. Cruel, False, and Faithless

**Disclaimer: Do not own characters, or any real place/people depicted.**

 **A/N:** Thanks for the reviews. I will reply to any questions or comments that users have directly to them in reply. Otherwise, I won't spam people's inboxes or what not. I appreciate all the comments. Half of the story is already written and is fully thought out. As I mentioned, this has been in my head for quite a while. That being said characters sometimes have a life of their own so things can change. I thought it would be helpful to give a timeline of events so far and coming.

 **Wednesday** : Serena arrives back in town **Thursday** : Serena's first day at school **Saturday** : Kiss on the Lips party **Sunday** : Bart's annual Brunch

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 _"_ _He'd call me false and faithless and I've always had a weakness for those two words; next to cruel, they're the nicest words for a woman to hear, and not so hard to earn."_

 _―_ _Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses_

I rolled the olive stick in the martini as I waited for Serena to show at the GILT bar (1). I resolved to give her a hard time and not automatically let her back into my life. Glancing up I noticed the bartender smiled my way. I was contemplating smiling back and flirting to get out of the bill when Serena plopped down beside me. Figures, he was looking at her. I turn to look at her while playing with my Alexis Bittar anchor necklace. (f) It was a nervous-tell that I was trying to rid. Yet, I could not stop doing it all day. I had a weird feeling all day and Nate had yet to return any of my calls or texts. While Thursday night had been our date night for two years and he rarely ever missed, I feared that he was going to fail to show. Still I dressed myself in a nautical preppy theme that I knew would complement Nate's usual attire. I was still determined that tonight would be romantic enough to make love.

"So how everything?" she asked after she ordered a greyhound.

Resolved not to show any weakness I answered with an awkward fine. Her smile faltered.

"So how's mom doing with the divorce and everything?" she tried again.

"Great. So my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eyelift. It's been good for her," I said masking my feelings with sarcasm.

Shitty parents are an UES trait. Serena knows that my father was my favorite parent by far. I doted on him but he left with his lover leaving my mother and me to deal with the scandal. We emailed and talked weekly at first soon there was not enough to say. Whenever we did talk, he would gush about Roman like a fool in love. I decided that the man was going through his midlife crisis like when Chuck's father decided he needed a motorcycle. It sat in the Palace Garage unused until Chuck took it for a joyride last year. Needless to say, Bart Bass was not feeling very young when he had to bail his son out of jail. Lily goes through crisis all the time and decides to get married but she remains in the city. Nate's father three years ago invested in a homemade beer-brewing thing. Like that was ever going to take off (2). While my father quit his life, which goes to show, the Waldorf are anything if not overly dramatic when it comes to crisis. He traded in his very respectable job, his wife, his child, and the city of New York for a vineyard in France with a male model.

"I'm really sorry," she offered. The sympathy in her voice reminded me how a part of me thought that maybe one day he could return with his head held high if I could control the elite. I know it was childish but I sometimes I just wanted my life to go back to the way it was. I know that that it was all a facade. My father and mother were playing pretend and I was the doll they no longer wanted.

"Yeah, I could tell. Since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening." She must have known what was happening. Gossip Girl relentlessly displayed my life for all to see. "Do you how it felt calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having Lily say Serena didn't tell you that she moved to Connecticut?" I glared at her the best I could through the hurt.

"I just, I had to go. I need to get away from everything...Please just wait and I'll explain everything. Just trust me." She looked distraught. I realized for the first time that the Serena that left was not the same girl who came back. Something happened and wanted her to open up but I knew we needed time.

"How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you?"

"Let's fix that. I saw you at school with Kati and Lz and I get it. I don't want to take any of that away from you-" Her hand reached out to grab mine and I roughly pulled my hand away.

"Because it's just your to take away, isn't it?" I cut off her off quickly. How dare she suggest that if she wanted the crown could be hers?

"No that's not what I mean, I…I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be." She was backpedaling and clearly upset over something but I don't know what yet.

"I have to meet Nate," I said as I stood up all of the sudden feeling uneasy about this meeting. "He is mine so stay away."

"Wait Blair- Nate." Serena stopped and I turned around to see my boyfriend enter the bar. I realize then that I was being ambush by them. I looked back at Serena as she gulped her greyhound and signaled to the bartender for seconds. I followed her actions and drunk up (3).

 _Spotted at The Palace Hotel: S and B having a heart to heart. Humm why so thirsty girls? Looks like N came to join the fun. Menage a trois anyone? Or is three a crowd? You know you love me. XOXO_

"Maybe we should grab a booth?" Nate suggested with a weak smile. My knuckles were turning white as I grabbed the handle of my purse tightly. I was frozen in my spot.

"Tell me now," my voice louder than usual. I was just happy that it did not waver. Nate looked around us and Serena stood to join us.

"Don't make a scene," he told me. Nate was nothing if not UES breed with good manners and chivalry as only Anne could accomplish. Just then, our phones all went off. I knew it was Gossip Girl.

I relented as I read it realizing we had an audience here. Once we were seated in a more private booth. The lines in the sand were drawn as they sat next to each other and I was alone.

"So?" I asked. The silence was piercing. Every moment that passed only pushed my thoughts into worse places. Soon I imagined that they were involved in a love affair the entire time she was away and I was going to lose Nate and my role at Constance. When I saw myself losing Yale to Serena, I knew I needed to make them speak or leave. I hardened my glare at Serena since she was the easiest to break. Her eyes filled with tears.

"We had sex," she blurted out.

"One time, at the Shepherd's wedding," Nate quickly explained.

It was as if the wind was knocked out of my. I took deep breaths trying to hold the tears at bay. "One time and it's over?" When I heard how weak I sounded, I wanted to pinch myself but I wanted an answer. I hoped to salvage something with Nate. As naive as he was sometimes he was truly my only source of comfort these past months. However, he had been hiding this for months. I have seen him almost every day and I never knew. I was annoyed at how much he asked for Serena when she first left but when my family went to shambles, I leaned on him heavily. I rethought all the moments that made me think he was a terrible liar. Maybe he is the best of us all.

"Yes, one time. But I think I want to be with Serena." I looked at my boyfriend. More than half a decade and he tells me he THINKS he wants to be with my best friend.

"No. No. No. I didn't come back for you Nate. Blair, you are my best friend and I don't want him," she reached over to grab my hand and I swiftly pushed her away. "I was drunk. I wasn't thinking. I promise it won't happen again. Please understand it meant nothing." Serena tears were falling down her face. Nate was just sitting there watching the scene unfold. His face was pained and I thought it served him right but then the realization washed over me that this pained puppy dog look was caused by Serena's rejection.

"You told me you loved me yesterday," I said while looking at Nate. I was utterly confused by the boy that I had known for almost my entire life and dated for years.

"I know. I do… love you. Just I am not in love. Blair, I think we are more friends than anything else. Our parents have planned this whole thing. Is this really what you want?" he looked at me with sad eyes begging me to understand. Did he really think for a moment this was not what I wanted? I had entire scrapbooks of our lives already done. I added to our prom one just two weeks ago with his approval. I was looking at a boy that I did not know. And girl I had not seen for months. They were no better than strangers were.

"I… you…" I tried to compose myself. I stood and crossed my arms over my chest looking down at them. Running through my head of all the dirt, I could think of to threaten them with but nothing came to mind. I was not ready for this ambush. "Well you can have him S. We haven't been best friends for a long time now and I like it that way. I always knew you were a party girl but I didn't realize you were such a whore. Nate, dear old Nate, you have no idea how I am going to ruin you. Just wait for it and I will hurt you in a way that you cannot even imagine at this point. You are just a dull Ken doll who lets everyone else control your life. And if one night with you made Serena flee the city I'll pass," I huffed and walked away.

Serena went on about how sorry she was drawing the attention of the crowd around us. "Blair, it was one time. I am sorry. Nate means nothing to me," she yelled for the entire room. I knew this was going to hit gossip girl soon. Gossip girl had only improved in her absence so she may have not known how quick she was these days or that was an orchestrated move to take me down. I clenched my fist at my side but never looked back.

I kept my head held high. I was a Waldorf after all. My mask was up and carried myself to the lobby of the Palace. I was intent on escaping as soon as possible while images of Serena and Nate flashed in my head. I was unaware of my surroundings and almost bumped right into Lily Van der Wooden and Bart Bass talking off to the side of the grand staircase. It was an intense conversation in hushed whispers. He was holding her hand as if trying to make her stay and passionately looking at her. They were a sight to take in. The ruthless executive with a heart made of steel and concrete holding onto the wild and infamously married matron of the UES. They must have saw me staring and Lily turned to look at me. I realize just how close I was to them.

"Blair dear, it has been such a while since I've seen you. I am so sorry I missed your mother's party. But with Serena's arrival and all," she said as she leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. She waved hand dismissively in the as she made excuses for not attending. Bart placing his hands in his pockets while staring me down. It was clear that he was sizing me up. Probably since, I just came out of the bar in his hotel or interrupted his conversation. His gaze was terrifying. While the Bass were tolerated on the UES it was well known to never underestimate them.

"We completely understood. Everyone is just so happy to have Serena back home. New York wasn't the same without her." The lie was effortless.

"We were just leaving. I am assuming you are here to see _Chuck_ or Serena. The Van der Woodsen's are staying on 25th floor." He paused after Chuck's name for a long second as if knew something that I did not know. It made me feel slightly uneasy.

"You know all the children are such good friends. However, I think Serena is out. Blair is probably here to help Chuck with his homework," I nodded at the excuse Lily gave me. "Yes, well we are off. A charity event we are both invited too," Lily, informed me as they began to walk away.

I know she was trying to diminish whatever they were by claiming they were just attending an event. We all knew that both their attires were not suited for a formal event. Nevertheless, I nodded and said my goodbyes. I did not having the mental capacity to digest a Van der –Bass union. Instead I was curious as to why was Bart sizing me up the way he was? Then it hit him he somehow knew Chuck was at my house last night. He probably thought I was involved with in his son. The wheels in my head began running. I turned to walk towards the grand staircase to access the elevator.

Serena would probably cry a bit more before asking Nate to leave her alone if she was serious about not wanting to be with him. Then Nate would probably stop by Chuck's suite before he left. If he found me, there with his best friend perhaps I could begin my revenge before the night was over. I smiled to myself as I got into the elevator and instructed the liftman to take me to Chuck's floor. My smirked only flattered as one tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away as I hesitantly stepped off. The first step into hell was apprehensive but once I got through the gates, my saunter returned. It had been awhile since I ventured into the infamous suite but it was about take its special place as the location of one of my greatest takedowns to date. (4)

"Father, don't you have a key," Chuck said as he opened the door clearly surprised to find me standing there. He righted himself and let me pass through. He was still dressed in his uniform shirt the blazer gone but the ascot still perfectly tied. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" He sexily drawled his statement. But it had no effect. I came here on a mission. I slowly made my way over to sit on the couch.

"A drink" we pretended it was a question but it was clearly a demand to show that I had the upper hand. I slipped off my shoes and tucked one foot underneath me. I was clearly letting him know I was in charge and getting comfortable. I looked around the room surprised to see books open on the table. Chuck Bass does homework?

"My father has me on a tight leash," he explained as he handed me the drink. Which is probably why Lily suggested that I help him with his homework. I sipped it slowly.

"You make a mean dirty martini Bass." He sat close next to me on my right side. I sipped it enjoying it far more than the one I gulped down and the second that I never touched. I should have thrown it in their faces but seemed a tad bit melodramatic even for me.

"I know you like them extra dirty on occasion," Chuck always knew my drink order but I never realized how he picked up on certain little things. Like extra dirty martinis when I forgo dinner at events.

"You seem to know me to well. Should be afraid that I have a stalker, Bass?" I quipped. I took another slip and I watched him examine closely as that small smile I saw yesterday come to his face.

"Waldorf, here to talk about more literature?" he asked, as he seemed to move closer. I let my hand right fall on his shoulder as I had the glass in my left.

"I must admit talking about Les Liaisons Dangereuses last night only made my dream of my own liaison dangereuses," I whispered after I took a large sip of my martini. I was hopeful my French sounded sexy but since this was my first real seduction of a man, I could not be sure.

"You came to the right place if that is what you want." The Bass smirk that I once described as sleazy was on his face but now it only made me squirm in my seat. He took the glass from my palm and placed it on the coffee table. He kissed the back of my hand and looked at me with hooded eyes. "And Nathaniel?" He turned over my hand and kissed the inside of my palm.

"We broke up," I squeaked out. I wanted to wince at the childish quality of my voice but within a moment, his lips found mine hungrily as if to consume me whole. If this was kissing than I was, sure Nate had no clue what he was doing. Whatever control I had seemed to disappear just as soon as his lips touched mine.

* * *

Before Blair entered my room, I was sitting down to do homework. I knew when Bart meant business and I was not taking chances. I was entirely distracted since I saw the Gossip Girl blast and I knew that somewhere below me Blair, Nate, and Serena were talking. I groaned at the thought. I did not know what to do at this point. I knew I wanted Blair and I knew I had to have her at a certain point. I figured, after a small waiting period I would seduce her to rid myself of this desire for her. I should probably check things with Nathaniel beforehand. Guy code and all. Yet, a small part of me felt some empathy for Blair and I think that was what is disturbing me the most.

Not only moments later did Blair walk right into my suite. Realizing only Blair would ever attempt to seduce me with literature me made me want to smile at her geekiness. I dove head first into her seduction. She wanted me. Relief filled me at the thought that she sought me out in her first moments as a single girl. Even if I was just a rebound I, was her first thought after her breakup and that had to mean something. Right? All thoughts of Nathaniel from the moment she slipped her shoe off her dainty feet.

She was straddling me, hands fisted in my hair, hips moving over me with more skill than I ever expected. She was pulling on the buttons of my shirt until half of it was undone. Her hands felt like they were everywhere scratching my scalp, my neck my shoulder blades. If this is what Nathaniel was getting and was still not interested, he might not be dating the right sex. Pulling my mouth from hers, I kissed my way down her neck until I found her pulse point. My name escaped her lips as I untucked her black turtleneck to move my hands under her shirt onto her back. Hearing hear say my name made me instantly crave her and my hands were everywhere with a clear path. It was as if I had no control of them as I grasp at the flesh of smooth stomach, squeezed her thighs, and groped her breasts. Finally, I was able to think of task and sought out to remove her shirt. I went to pull her shirt up when both our phone ringed at the same time. With the sound, Blair pulled herself off me and went to find her phone. I groaned out in frustrated.

"Ughh. He's not even here anymore," she muttered angrily at her room. Intrigued I walked over to the table to grab my phone.

 _Spotted: N leaving the Palace all alone. Standing solo Golden Boy without your halo? Rumor has it you left B for S. Too bad you are old news to them both. Watch out UES we hear that our queen is on a warpath. Duck for cover and hope you don't get caught in the crossfire. With the Kiss the Lips Party around the corner, I can't wait to just sit back and watch. XOXO_

There were photos of Blair speaking down to Serena and Nate and another of Nate walking out alone. Blair was angrily strolling through her phone. He's not here? She meant Nate. She wanted him to be in the Palace? For what? To find us? The plot clicked in my head. She was using me to get back at Nate. Doing to him what he did to her. She used me. I know I should not be surprised but I stupidly thought she sought me out because she felt something for me. That now that the reins were loosen from Nate she was free to do what she wanted and I thought it was sexual liberation through a night with Chuck Bass. My ego blinded me to her scheme.

"Upset that Nate isn't going to walk in on us, princess?" I smirked as I button up my shirt but left it untucked. I was hopefully that the shirt hid my bulge.

"What? Oh umm…" She seemed to have forgotten about me her thoughts only on her plan. When she realized that I knew why she was here, she began to blush. It only served to make her look cuter and make my blood boil further. "Yes, I thought he could see how it felt," she said nonchalantly. Fixing her clothes and reapplying her lipstick never glancing at me. Blair completely ignored my presence. With each passing second, my annoyance was increasing.

"With no regard to my friendship with him Blair? Or yourself? How far were going to let me go with you before you stop it huh? Gonna give me your virginity for revenge?" I sneered at her. Sex for revenge. Never bothered me before. I hated that I cared now but the words were coming out of my mouth without much thought.

"You were not complaining a moment ago. Isn't that what happens in 1812? How was I supposed to know you had morals and a beating heart?" Challenging me through her stare me down. Her words served their purpose and cut into me.

"Bitch," I say with sad chuckle.

"Whore" she threw right back.

I walked over to the bar behind her staring at her through the mirror. I forced her to meet my eyes hoping to see something there. I pressed myself into her backside. She grasped as she felt me. Lust clearly displayed on her face. It was my turn to ignore her and I reached over to grab a bottle of scotch and a glass. I smirked at her. She called me a basswhole and walked to the door.

"It is going to get lonely on the top with no one there to join you," I toss out as I poured myself a glass.

"What? Did you think I was going to ask you to join me?" The door shut behind her.

I looked at myself. Is that what I wanted? To be her side? I straightened up. Fuck that. I am Chuck Bass. I pour my glass close to the top. I grabbed my cellphone to call my dealer. Then I dialed Nate.

"My man. It is Thursday night. It's technically already the weekend and I believe it is time to show you the city as a single man." I walked into my bedroom straight towards my closet.

* * *

A.N So Blair was using Chuck. Poor guy. Chuck obviously has more feelings for Blair than she does for him at this point but he has had longer to dwell on his desire for her. After this chapter, the story will be differ from the show so not that much similar dialogue. However, I will try to keep certain sub-plots such as Bart and Lily intact (among others). The main party/events in each episode such as the Kiss the Lips party (still has yet to happen); Bart's annual brunch, Ivy Weekend and the Lost Weekend will be in my story cause I love a good party.

In addition, Bart/Chuck relationship I something I always wanted to play with so there will be a lot of Chuck/Bart in this story. I just want the readers to try to see Bart sometimes not through Chuck's eyes. My Chuck character is only feeling/seeing things from his POV and won't always be fair to Bart all the time. My Bart is not season 6 Bart. Eleanor/Blair are also something that will be in my story quite a bit. I like the relationship that they have in later seasons. Still not the perfect mother/daughter relationship but love is there in a Waldorf way.

* * *

I thought it would be fun to include fashion notes about the outfits they wear.

(f) Fashion note: Alexis Bittar necklaces retail at $250-300.

1 GILT was a restaurant within the Palace hotel. Serena famously ordered a grilled cheese here. For $50 you got _black winter truffles, fontina cheese and wild arugula salad._ It was a two star rated Michelin (out of three stars) guide, which is a french rating guide. Basically only the best of the best are even rated. GILT closed in 2012. The end of a GG iconic location.

2 My attempt at ironic humor since everywhere I go now I find beer-brewing kits.

3 I know the Blair-Serena is dialogue that we all heard already but Blair's thoughts about her father set up the next chapter.

4 I think Blair is great at reading people and knowing their responses to situation, which is why she is so good at takedowns so she believed that Nate really would go see Chuck. However, coming from Nate's POV he is dealing with the embarrassment of Serena turning him down. He is does not come running to Chuck because of Chuck's previous cock blocking (for a lack of a better word) and attitude towards his affair with S. Blair has no knowledge of this so she miscalculated.

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	4. A Honest Man's Weakness

Chapter 4

A.N: I thought of adding this to chapter three originally but I thought it made that chapter too long. But felt like it was essential to post this soon after 3 since it flows into each other. Enjoy. Sorry but not much CxB until Chapter 6.

 **Trigger Warnings** : Bulimia, Purging, Eating Disorders, Drug Use

Disclaimer: I don't not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.

* * *

 _"_ _Humanity is not perfect in any fashion; no more in the case of evil than in that of good. The criminal has his virtues, just as the honest man has his weaknesses."_

 _―_ _Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses_

I stomped into my penthouse up the stairs into my bedroom. I was gasping for air by the time I walked into the room. Grabbing the back of the vanity chair, I tried to catch my breath but it seemed with every intake of air that filled my lungs brought tears into my eyes. Little light streamed into the room into my room from the hallway. I did not have the energy to walk back to turn it on. The tears were silently streaming down my face. _Nate. Serena. Chuck. Virginity for revenge._ His voice taunting me. How far would I go? I smelled him on my clothes and I began to thaw at them to take them off- piece by piece flying off in every direction. Stumbling by my full-length mirror, I looked at my body through my lingerie that hugged my figure. That Nate was supposed to see tonight. Nate. Nate slept with Serena. A sob escape my lips. Not knowing if anyone was home, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand trying to muffle my sobs. This body could not tempt Nate or Chuck. Chuck Bass the manwhore of the Upper East Side rejected me. My hips too wide, my breast too small and height with heels failed to reach Serena when she had flats on. There was nothing special to me. I made people fear me but there was no one that every really wanted to be with me. My father left, my mother hated me, Serena slept with my boyfriend, charming sweet Nate was a fraud, I paid Dorota, and my body could not even tempt Chuck. The familiar test of bile came to my throat and I ran into my bathroom grabbing a robe to throw over me.

Hunched over the porcelain bowl the cold tile pressed against my knees and the gagging began. As the lack of food was obvious, I realized that all I ate today was fruit and a yogurt. I ran back to my room to grab the emergency box of chocolates that were hidden in my night draw. Before I knew it, I ate all of the chocolates into the box. I saw myself in my mirror. Tears streaming down my face with my mascara after eating an entire box of chocolates. It was disgusting I was disgusting. Throwing the box away from me, I made my way back to the bathroom and emptied the chocolate into the bowl. My head pressed against the seat of the bowl as I cried my tears into. My loneliness only felt stronger. The life I built for myself was tumbling down around me. When I finally found the energy, unsure at how much time had passed I found myself back in front of the mirror. Glaring at myself, I saw the lamp on my vanity that purchased with Serena on a shopping trip in the 9th grade. Grabbing it, I threw it into the mirror. The sound of breaking fast brought me a satisfying relief. I began to grab the pictures I had with my so-called friends and threw them to the floor. Everything that reminded me of them and eventually anything, I could grab. Books and clothes soon followed. I laughed and cried as I destroyed my room.

"Blair!" my mother shouted from my door grabbing her heart. She looked at me and I looked her for a long moment. Disappointment shined on her face. I sank to the floor sobbing. "Sweetheart what is going on here," my mother asked in a voice I have not heard in what felt like a decade.

I was in no state to answer her. I cried into my hands. I felt her hands come to my shoulder. For the first time in forever, my mother hugged me. I crumbled into her arms as she petted my hair. "It is going to be okay. Whatever it is it is going to be okay…. Oh sweetheart. If you need to go back to therapy that's fine. Blair. Sweetheart it is going to be okay," she said as she rocked me. Her kisses falling on my hairline and her tears rolling off her face onto mine were the last things I felt before the numbness took over. Look at the Waldorf women now was my last thought.

* * *

It was around one in the morning when I finally moved to the guestroom to sleep. My mother had given me a Valium to calm down and tucked me in. It was as close to a bedroom story as I was going to ever get. Once my breakdown was over, I saw the damage I did to my room and texted Dorota to apologize in advance. After bringing me to the guest room, Eleanor refused to leave my side until I answered a few of her questions. I admitted to binging and throwing up that night but I assured her that I had not for months. In my weakened state, I told my mother about Serena and Nate. I left out how she, my father, and Chuck hurt me. Her face scrunched up and I knew she was thinking of what happened with my father.

"Is this how it felt when you found out about Daddy?" I asked her. We were both leaning on the headboard letting the Valium do its magic.

She gave me a small sad smile. "Your father did not cheat on me in that way. I had my suspicious for a while and by that time, I knew for sure. When he met Roman, he was ready to admit it to himself and fall in love. Was I angry, hurt, and still a little confused? Yes, but I was not blindsided. Not the way you were, dear."

"Didn't you love him?"

"Of course. We had good times. It was important for us to all be a family especially when you were young. While I think I was in love with him, I don't think your father ever loved me that way. After a few month of therapy and some minor correction," she softly traced the areas around her eyes, "I realized that now I can find someone to love me the way I deserve to be love. It is such a shame to discover this about Nate. Do you think you and him can work things out? The Archibald family is such a goof family to have connections with. Who know when you can snag another boy like that?" I wondered if she even knew that her words sung. How her casual attitude towards plastic surgery as a mood booster formed my own self-image. Yet, I relished her attention.

I knew that there was no chance of reconciliation with Nate. My eyes filled with more tears that I did not even think I had left in me. "It is not even the fact that he cheated that hurt so much. We could have worked through that if it was only that. But I think… I think he loves her. It is the fact that he could love someone else that hurts the most," I confessed as the tears welled over and fell. My mother brushed them away.

"I don't want this to close yourself to love the way my divorce almost did to me. We are Waldorf women. We are fighters and we never wallow. I am sure there are hundreds of suitable men of good families that would love to date you dear." It was probably the nicest thing she told me. I soaked it up but a nagging voice question why only hundreds and not more?

"Tell that to Bass," I huffed. My only raised an eyebrow at me and I realized what I said. It must have been a combination of the drugs without dinner, my sleepiness, and the confusion of a heart-to-heart with my mother that made me slip up.

"If the son is anything like the father you should steer clear of him. He is a womanizer from my understanding." Her words only reminded me further that I was probably the only girl that Chuck Bass denied.

"I am tired mother. I think it is time that I go to sleep."

"Very well." She shut the door. The fairy-tale heart to heart moment was over. Instead of sugarplums and fairies I dreamed of blackmail and a very dirty martini.

I woke to my mother and Dorota arguing by the doorway over me.

"Miss Blair needs to get up and eat breakfast. Big day today, Tomorrow is party. She needs to get ready for school and show world she is Queen." Dorota was standing with my breakfast tray trying to get pass my mother. '

"Seriously, she can afford to miss one day of school. Her royal subjects could last," my mother said sarcastically. More like they are going to chant 'off with her head' I thought.

They had no clue their arguing had already awaken me. As much as I would have loved to stay in bed and let it swallow me alive, I knew that was not going to happen. No matter how tired mentally and physically I felt. I needed to go to school to keep the hierarchy in order. I wanted to show Chuck, Nate, and Serena that I was fine without them.

"It's okay mother I should go," alerting them that I had awoken. Dorota walked pass her haughty knowing she had won. "I am sorry about the room," I told her when she placed the tray over my lap. She gave me a smile filled with pity and I cringed recognizing the look from when she used to find me in the bathroom hunched over the toilet.

"It can be redone. Make-overs are always so much fun. I will start working on it right away," my mother said as any perfect UESider would say to cover any breakdown.

"An hour and a half to school." Dorota informed me. I had some work to do before then.

"Dorota, if you can locate my laptop and the USB in the draw. You know which one. Can you please bring that to me," I said sweetly. Dorota looked like she saw a ghost but told me yes even though I knew she wanted to lecture me not to use that.

"Don't over exert yourself. Homework can wait. You are only allowed to go to school if you meet me for lunch. Also, I made an appointment with your therapist at the Ostroff Center for 5 today," she informed me in a stern voice as she watched me with my breakfast tray. I knew she was waiting for me to eat something. I spooned a bite of oatmeal into my mouth.

"Lunch is fine mother. However, I am too busy for the appointment. The Kiss the Lips Party is tomorrow and I need to make sure anything is in order." I smiled up at her hoping she would not force me to go.

"The credit cards that pay that party don't pay themselves. You are going or I can call the people at the Foundry and cancel," she told me. (1)

I smiled tightly. "You said five?"

I ate a few more bites under the watchful gaze of my mother. She left as Dorota entered. I quickly set up my laptop and plugged in the USB as Dorota cleared breakfast out of the way. Homework was the last thing on my mind. I do it in advance on the weekends. (2)

"Miss Blair. You sure this is a good idea?" she asked clearly still nervous about what was happening.

"You saw the blast Dorota this is necessary. I need to take them down. I have little recent dirt on Serena but I am sure we can did something up. There has to be a reason why she is here. I want you to follow her after school today," I scrolled through the blackmail photos I had stored on my computer. This USB held dirty secrets on much of the UES it was locked in a false bottom in a draw in my closet. I never thought I would have to use this information in this way. I huffed. I stared at the photos. Send to Gossip Girl. The email was formed but I was hesitant to hit send. But I thought of the pain I wanted to cause them until the damage I sought made things right.

* * *

A ringing phone woke me and I fumbled away trying to grab it while remaining face down in my bed.

"Yes?" I asked roughly. Who was calling so early in the morning?

"Sir, you asked for a 7:30 wakeup call." Realizing I was not in my suite, I demanded that they charge my credit card for breakfast. "You paid cash for the room." I groaned. I hate when Bart is in town and I have to keep him off my tail.

"Can you send up coffee at least?" I pushed myself up and quickly realized that I was tangled with two bodies. I could imagine the mess outside of the room that I should tidy up before room service came up. "Send it up in fifteen minutes." I said before I hung up. I nudged the girls to wake up and tried to remember if Nate picked them up last night or if I needed to pay them for their services. Finding my underwear, I tossed it on. Wearing last night's suit was yet another disadvantage of Bart being in town. Images of the bar in the Soho House came back to me and I remembered they came here with us (3). We started out here but soon migrated to the lesser clubs in the area where we picked up these ladies no doubt.

"Hey we have to checkout," I said more forcefully to the women who shared my bed. They mumbled a response. Leaving the room, I discovered Nate on the sofa with a blonde stark naked. I only had enough cash to on me to swing for a one-room suite. Lines of coke on the coffee table with cigarettes and joints littered around. A bottle of whiskey rolled by my foot. I softly kicked it.

I nudged Nate awake. "Nathaniel." His eyes blinked open. I could not help but smile knowing I showed my best friend a night like the one he has never seen before. Even during our lost weekends, he never let loose like this. If this was the new Nate then I needed to schedule a lost weekend very soon. He looked like he wanted to smile but he grabbed his head obviously suffering from a hangover. "Coffee is coming. We need to clean up and check out" I glanced at the coke to let him know what I meant. He nodded as the two girls left the room.

"We left our number on the notepad," they said with smiles. I walked them to the door. "Wonderful. Thank you for last night. It was a pleasure ladies," I told them.

I messaged Arthur and informed him we needed to be picked up and I needed to be dropped off to change while Nate was dropped off and picked up again to be taken to school. There was no way I was going to be on time for Bart's ride to school and I still probably was going to be late. Staring out at the view the silence and soberness lead my thoughts to last night. Nate and I were drinking our sorrows and feelings away. While he blabbed on about his love life after a few drinks I had to make sure, he never knew what was haunting me. Our room had a room of the Hudson looking towards Hoboken (4). Maybe I should go there tonight to be as far away from Blair tonight. There is no way she would ever venture to Jersey. I was annoyed with how desperate I was to flee and poured my coffee hoping to distract my thoughts. A few minutes later, I was sipping black coffee while Nate was with the blonde promising to call her. I rolled my eyes at his rookie mistake but he was his own man. I was skimming the business and real estate section of The Times when Nate finally made it back to join me at the small coffee table.

"Is it always like that?" he asked with a goofy smile. I nodded with a smirk. "Dude. What have I been doing?"

"No clue. I have been trying to inform you of the ways of Chuck Bass for years but you were busying playing devoted boyfriend." In truth, there were plenty of times when I was angry with Nate for flaking on me due to his 'boyfriend' duties.

"Well no more of that. I am a free man with Chuck Bass as a best friend. Time to enjoy the dark side of it all. Young and beautiful, right?" He served himself coffee.

"Something like that," I looked out of the view of the river. The alcohol was leaving my system while the drugs would last a bit longer the ache of last night was coming back.

"Everything okay?" Nate questioned. "You aren't gonna throw up or anything?"

"I can hold my liquor. Years of practice," I smirked. Years of drinking alone to dull the loneliness more like it. I thought of the ivory beauty sleeping in her bed surrounded by her white sheets with her virtue still intact. I could have had her last night. I knew all the buttons to push a woman past the point of no return. The look I saw in her eyes when I pushed her against my bar told me what I needed to know. But I did not. That in itself is the problem. I felt something more for her that I never felt before. It was unknown and it scared me enough that I considered fleeing the country. I never felt so used when found out that she only came to me to upset Nathaniel. I realized that I was playing with fire when it came to Blair. I decided then that I needed to stay away from her in order to get these feelings under control. As we were checking out our phones buzzed.

 _Who needs birthdays when you wake up to pictures like… xoxo_

* * *

1 The Foundry is the location where the Kiss on the Lips and the Snowflake Ball were filmed. It is a beautiful location in Long Island City, Queens, New York. It's a short drive over the Queensboro Bridge which is located over the area in which the Upper East Side and Midtown neighborhoods meet. I debated changing the location to a club in NYC (which is where it is supposed to be set in the show) but I decided that it is famous enough and a wonderful location that Blair would not mind trekking out to Long Island City for her Kiss the Lips Party. It would not be that long of a drive on weekend since the bridge is so close to the UES. Its a 15 minute drive from the Palace (without traffic which is generally not that bad on the weekends excluding accidents & construction) and half an hour from Blair Penthouse. Not the worse drive time so I kept it in.

2 Do they ever do homework?

3 Members only bar for a young crowd in the Meatpacking District (tiny area of NYC squeezed in between Chelsea and the Village where a lot of popular clubs are located). Soho house is not in the Soho neighborhood but is named after the original Soho House in London. Membership cost about 2000++ a year and generally have to be young & famous in the media like a celebrity, work in the fashion industry, or a director etc. The first rule of Soho House don't talk about Soho House. There different houses part of the club in many major cities some are more exclusive then others. Ex: Kim Kardashian has tried unsuccessfully to gain membership at the Soho House West Hollywood since it opened in 2010. Around the same time the New York House lost its cool and was being to lose its prestige known as the "so-so house" and purged members. But since this supposed to be Soho House as depicted 2007 the House is still cool enough for Chuck Bass. It was depicted in Sex in City when Samantha tries to get a membership and steals a card. In GG, Blair refers to dismissively it when she compares it to Hamilton House during its "so-so period". It has a vintage style bar that screams Chuck Bass and a heated rooftop pool. Need I say more? There are also a few exclusive hotel rooms in the House. Of course, Chuck Bass would be a member. Does Chuck Bass have a fake ID or is he just Chuck Bass?

4 For those that are not aware Manhattan is an island bordered by rivers. On the West Side, there is the Hudson that separates Jersey and New York. From the Meat Packing District, you can see Hoboken a city in New Jersey. On the East Side, there is the East River, which is the border between Queens/Brooklyn and the island of Manhattan. FYI, the lesser-known river that separates Manhattan from the Bronx is the Harlem River that empties into the east river.

* * *

A.N: I re watched a few clips of Nate and Chuck for this chapter and I realized how much name dropping that the show did so offhandedly. It was amazing how spot on the pop culture references were and how essential New York City locations were. I enjoyed writing about the ways that Chuck would change his behavior when Bart is around sometimes Manhattan can be too small for these characters. I know everyone is probably wondering when the Kiss on the Lips Party is coming? Not until chapter 6.

What is your Fav Gossip Girl Party/Event? The ones that stick out in my head are: Kiss on the Lips, the first Masquerade Ball (my fav), Bart and Lily's wedding, the white party, the blackout 'party', Prom Night, Saints and Sinners, and the bar mitzvah party they crashed.


	5. Principles of My Own

Chapter 5

A.N: Slightly longer than my others chapter but I hope you enjoy. Thank you for all the reviews and for those who have favorited my story. It really means a lot and urges me to write more and think more about the character development. Next chapter is the Kiss on the Lips Party where we are finally getting CxB for at least two chapters so bear with me. Also I wanted to have a more detailed update schedule so I will update on Sundays from now on. Also I am expecting this fic to last 21-22 chapters. So we are about 1/4 of the way there.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.

* * *

 _When have you known me to break the rules I have laid down for myself or betray my principles? I say ' my principles' intentionally. They are not, like those of other women, found by chance, accepted unthinkingly, and followed out of habit. They are the fruit of profound reflection. I have created them: I might say that I have created myself._

 _-_ _Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses_

Years of memories came rushing back to me. I guess I have a soft spot for the past and this nagging feeling told me not send to the images to Gossip Girl. Instead, I hit the print button.

"Very good Blair, those pictures could have been very bad," Dorota told me.

"We are still using them. Hopefully they get there in time to be served with the morning coffee," I told Dorota as I packaged them up so she could send out. I hopped off the bed knowing I needed to rush to get ready. Kingdoms do not run themselves. My morning ritual was interrupted by the classic beeping of my phone- Gossip Girl.

 _Who needs birthdays when you wake up to pictures like. Spotted: N and C partying it up in the Soho House with at least half a dozen models. Found a new It Girl already, N? Want to join the fun? Oops too bad, its members only- XOXO_

There was Nate and Chuck with dozens of different women in various locations. Every photo was steadily getting raunchier and raunchier. There was no doubt in my mind that Nate was trying to damage me. Not even twelve hours after our breakup him he goes clubbing with Chuck Bass and finds bimbos to hook up with. Those dimwits. I caught myself fuming with anger as I examined the last photos. Nate was sitting next to a red-haired women whispering in her ear. But what sent my blood boiling was the women that was sitting on Chuck's lap while pouring Moet down his mouth -cheap champagne for a cheap celebration. It was clear that they were in the celebrating mood and I distorted it in my mind to talk they were celebrating by downfall. I refused to fall. I knew that I needed to put the fear of god in Serena and Nate so that they school would not turn against. With the party tonight, I knew that they were eager to attend and would not turn their backs on me right away if I appeared to have everything under control. Confused over my emotions I yelled into the air while throwing my phone on the bed away from me. I needed to get ready and I did not have time for their drunken nonsense.

"Miss Blair are you okay? You yell," Dorota came running into the room.

"Of course I am okay. Everything is fine. Everything is going to be fine," I mostly muttered to myself. I did not have a breakdown just yesterday I told myself. School was going to be perfect.

* * *

I walked into my room already resigned to the fact that I was going to be late to school. I glanced at the bed and debated whether I stood sleep for a few more hours. I was tired after last night and honestly did not want to see the circus that was the struggle in hierarchy in the Constance courtyard. I loved watching the takedowns but I never competed in battles for popularity. I could care less about what our peers thought of me rather I had enough money to buy my power. At the moment, there was not a wealthier teen in all of Manhattan and they knew all it. I decided I would show up second or third period. I was fast asleep when housekeeping came into my room opening the door. Always the light sleeper when I was not high I woke up instantly. She apologized and left. Groggy I got up and noticed it was half an hour before noon. I could show up right after lunch. Perfect. Walking into my closet, I saw my uniform shirt laying the floor from last night since housekeeping but not have time to retrieve it. I do not know what possessed me to do so but I grabbed the street to see if there was any scent of Blair. Instantly the taste of her lips and the feeling of her body came back to me. Frustrated I crumbled the shirt into the garbage and I went to take a cold shower.

I just dressed slowly after leaving the shower. I was in no rush to get to school hopping not to see Blair today. Glancing at my phone, I saw four calls from my father and two texts from Nate asking where I was. I was in the living room when Bart came walking into the suite. Running my head over my face as I mumbled 'fuck' I knew I should have left the country.

"I thought we had an agreement Chuck. You are supposed to do better in school if not you are going to military school. Then I found out you spent the entire night out drinking, rented a room in the Meat Packing District, and then decided not go to school today. I don't know why I should have expected better of you," he berated me.

"I did not realized that you had your private eye on me. I would have been discrete. It was more so you were talking and I was ignoring you. I am dressed to go to school, father, as you can see," I said dully. Presenting the air of indifference was the easiest way of dealing with Bart. I found it annoyed him and hid my true emotions. Honestly, I did attempt to do my homework last night and I had no attention of going out on the town as I did. However, as soon as Blair turned my night upside down when she flounced into my room all my plans changed. I need to dull whatever I was feeling with her with the taste of liquor. I could not explain this to my father nor did I want to.

"I have to keep a watchful eye on you or else who knows what you would get yourself into. I am tired of bailing you out of jail, getting calls from your headmaster, looking at your credit card receipts to find that you have been with various women. I need you to grow up and behave like a man," he was fully yelling at this point.

"Listen to what you are saying. A boy doesn't get arrested, drink, or fuck random women. I am man and I have been for a long time. I do not need to you to play daddy now. I grew up without you. Get over it," I completely lost my indifferent attitude. I was angry at Bart's change of heart and his hypocritical parenting skills. I was fully yelling at my father something I have always avoided. I am not a fighter more of a lover.

"Just go to class. We will finish the conversation later," he dismissed me and I made my way to the door making sure to slam it on the way out.

I made my way into my limo and poured myself a scotch. "Arthur let's go somewhere fun. Are the Yankees playing?" I asked Arthur looking for somewhere to clear my mind without getting too drunk until tonight. I had some thinking to do.

"No sure, they are on the road. The Mets are in town," I sneered at the thought of Queens but I nodded my head to inform him that was fine. Ironically, baseball games were the one place I remember my father taking me as a child. However, when I was nine Bart let the season tickets we had lapse and never renewed. He probably took that from me purposefully as some sort of punishment. I made sure to charge everything to my card. I knew it would be an FU right to Bart's face. Moreover, Gossip Girl never spotted me at a baseball game. It was like being off the grid and I needed out of Manhattan.

I chewing slowly on the bag of popcorn I purchase trying to remain clear-headed as the drugs made their way out my blood stream. I was trying to determine what to do about Waldorf. I found myself confused and at odds with myself. I knew the difference between lust and need yet this feeling was beyond all of that. I knew that a woman like Blair Waldorf could make any simple man fall in love with her in glance. I was no simple man but sure enough, it seems like she was luring me in. It would be silly why settle for one women when I could have thousands. At first, I only wanted to sleep with her and then I increasingly I felt the need to protect her from anything that was happening. This need to help above all else made me feel so weak. I decided that my best bet was to stay away from her completely there was no reason to play with fire I told myself. Yet the need to protect her and watch over her was still nagging me for my decision. I finally resolved to watch over her from above and continue to help her in her schemes and plots but take it no further. I could not risk falling into whatever this was. It was no doubt not worth the trouble especially considering the fact that she cared very little for my feelings and me. She used me like an old rag and threw me away when she was done. I could not change stubborn mine and I am not foolish enough to attempt a wild romantic love quest to earn it. She would no doubt make me work to earn it-with gifts, flowers, and grand displays of affection. A smile was forming on my face I thought of all the things that I could buy her that she would look amazing and all the infectious Blair Waldorf smiles that I would be on the receiving end of. No, I would not do any of that nor did I want to. If fact, I would probably tear her heart to pieces. That nagging sense of protection welled up again inside of me. It was settled I would stay away from her for my own sake and to protect her from myself.

My thoughts shifted to all that was occurring with my father. He was becoming a real nuisance. Bart was hounding me recently for some reason unknown to me. He was never this overbearing and nor did he stay in the city too long. Yet, for over two weeks he was here and had not mentioned at all a business trip. I did not know what he wanted from this situation. Of course, I wanted to impress my father and make him proud of me but at every turn, something seemed to go wrong. Yesterday I fully intended on staying in but Blair changed that quickly. I could not help it if the only source of solace and comfort I could find was at the end of a bottle and in between a woman's legs. He raised me as such. I watched him go to exotic location and find the most beautiful women to take back to his suite. I saw him make eyes at all my nannies, teachers, and any hot women that walked his way. They all fell for him in his tailor made three piece suit, scotch drinking, cigar smoking, Rolex flashing self because he was Bart Bass. I had no other example to live by. He taught me how to tell the difference between a good scotch rather than how to ride a bike. What did he want from me now? I was a man by all accounts. A man who could count on one hand all the hugs he received from his father. Yes, I was a man that only felt like a child here at a baseball game thinking of bittersweet memoires: the games he would take me to and then ignore me; when he bought me a baseball glove and never taught me to throw. My father, the man who made so many unfulfilled promises to me wanted me to better than he ever taught me to be. He was disappointed in me; well I was disappointed in him.

It was there slumped over in a row right behind first place in the sixth inning did Bart Bass take the seat right next to me. It was around four now and I thought I was going to have more time alone. When I made the purchase with my card, I thought it would anger him and not be an invitation. I glanced at him from the side of eye. When I noticed a Mets baseball hat on his head I smirked at how ridiculous he looked in a pinstripe Italian made suit with a blue and orange polyester cap on his head. We sat in silence as David Wright came up to base and the fans began to cheer.

"Slumming it I see," I finally said in reference to the cap on his head. If possible, he looked a little embarrassed and pulled it from his head.

"I did not know if you were a fan and would have on sportswear. I didn't want to be overdressed," he informed me formally. We were looking at the direction of the game, never making eye contact.

"More of a Yankee fan but Nate dragged me to a few Mets games last year when they were in the pennant race. They are actually doing well. By the way I do not think I own casual sportswear or jeans for that matter," I hopped that it sounded playful not wanting to start yet another argument (1).

"True. It was like you were born with a suit on," he said. I side glanced at him long enough to notice a smile come to his lips.

"Only the finest for a Bass," I countered. This was the longest conversation we had without it being an actual disagreement. We clapped as Wright fought off a 1-2 count for a double.

"Sometimes I think I really put that silver spoon in your mouth at birth."

Laughing I finally fully looked at him "More like you shoved a fucking gold ladle fitted with diamonds." He laughed with me. He raised his hand for the vendor to bring us Backwoods Bastard beer and more popcorn. The vender looked at me and seemed like he was going to ask for ID when my father shoved a hundred in his hand. He nodded as he handed them over. I grabbed mine hesitant never liking the taste of beer.

"It is a good sipping beer. A scotch ale is brewed in a bourbon barrel. Smooth beer is a fine choice when a good scotch isn't an option," he said as he sipped. I followed. It was an American moment: a man sharing a beer with his son at a baseball game. His sixteen-year-old son but still it counted (2).

"I don't need you to play parent now. What is different that it matters all of the sudden?" that I mattered.

"I am trying to teach how to be a man Chuck. You don't realize how childish your behavior is sometimes." I tried not to get irritated at him. I sipped the beer and watched the game. I was just happy it was not the frat beer Nathaniel and I drank when we tailgated a Princeton game freshman year. He went for the football and I went for college girls.

"I am not a boy anymore," I told him minutes later. We cheered together as the Mets rallied and were up three-one to the Marlins.

"So what do you want to be? Tell me how I should treat you," he sounded almost sad to my ears.

"Like an equal," I explained. I just wanted his respect and pride. I did not need him to pretend to parent. Not when it was too late.

"Like a business partner," he said sarcastically. My felt my face flushed since that is what I wanted but here he was joking about it. "I see," he said realizing my embarrassment. "If that is what you want then fine," he offered. I could not help the grin that came to my face.

"So you would listen to a business proposal?" I eagerly asked.

"Yes if that is what you want," he smiled at me. A surge of pride welled up in my chest. Before I knew it, I was jumping out of my seat dropping my popcorn telling Bart I had an idea before quickly leaving. I never saw the look of sadness that came over his face, as I never looked back. At the time, I did not realize I was a boy who did not want a father but needed one while he was a man who only wanted a son.

* * *

I was awaiting for a taxi to take me to Ostroff Center or otherwise known as the facility for the disturbed and wicked. Waiting on the side of the street in my Diane Von Furstenberg Siddel Coat over my Zara pinstriped blazer paired with a black pleated skirt, grey tights, and black Marc Jacobs flats (f). I thought over my almost mundane day. School went well. Chuck never showed up. Thank god. Nate was lonely without him and clearly hung over or high. Or both. We only crossed passed when I informed him that he was no longer invited to my party.

 _He looked at me for a long time as I waited for a response. Then he tried to grab my hand and I swatted him away. "I am so sorry Blair. I want us to be friends," he told me. I wanted to laugh in his face._

" _Never Archibald. And if you know what is good for you, you better keep out of my way. If you want to sleaze it up with Chuck Bass then fine. Just know that your last name when I am through with you will mean nothing." I threatened._

During lunch, a brunette-haired girl was chatting him up that I had to threaten on the side. That takedown was light work. I cannot have Nate dating anyone at school until I found a suitable boyfriend first. Serena stood clear of the steps this morning. I was able to throw some cleverly crafted jabs her way in class. The class snickered when they were supposed to and Serena kept her head down. I went out of my way to belittle her every chance I got. Both schools were excited over the party I was throwing tonight and everyone was eager to stay in my good gracious. It was almost too easy to deal with. Lunch with my mother went surprisingly well. Well at least as well as it could be. She arrived with color and fabric swatches for my new room. Listening to her tell it I destroyed it on purpose. I knew demanding that I have lunch with her was to ensure that I ate so I knew she cared in her way. Nevertheless, I felt like a patient more than a daughter since she kept asking how the food tastes. After classes ended, I walked to my apartment and went over small details for tomorrow. I dismissed my minions early not wanting to them to find out I was going for treatment.

The taxi pulled up to the curb and I entered it but not before glancing around to ensure that, no one was watching. Before I knew, it was in the treatment center walking to my therapist that I had not seen in ten months. was sitting down with a bright smile on her face.

"So I hear that you had an episode last night?" she asked while I picked at my fingernails.

"Some might say," I told her. I hated this part the vulnerable part.

"What were the triggers?" Do you know?"

"What isn't a trigger? I have cheating boyfriend, my best friend slept with him, I tried to sleep with my boyfriend, I am sorry my ex boyfriend's best friend within ten minutes of breaking up with my boyfriend. I am sorry that is confusing. Should I draw you a diagram," I sarcastically asked. She shook her head no and urged me to continue. "Also, since I last saw you my father moved to France with a model. A male model. My mother is still well my mother. And it is junior year so college stuff and all," I listed with a fake smile on my face.

"I see. That is a lot to deal with. You must have felt overwhelm. That is a normal feeling, Blair. But we need to watch out for destructive behavior as well as your eating habits and body dysmorphia. I would like to know more about why you tried to sleep with your ex's best friend?" She was scribbling down in her notebook. I cringed at the noise of the pen hitting the paper.

"You know for revenge," I shrugged.

"I see, how did breaking up with… what's his name," she was reviewing the notes "It is Nate still?" I nodded. "How did your attempt with Nate's best friend make you feel? And finding out Nate cheated with Serena?"

"Unwanted. Betrayed," I mumbled.

It was about half an hour later that I found myself wondering the halls of the Center not quite ready to go home to no one. I had given Dorota leave early tonight knowing that she had a lot to do for the party tomorrow. My mother informed me earlier that she was going out with a friend, a male friend I believe. I was walking through glancing at the open doors that were opened. There in one bed was Eric van der Woodsen Serena's little brother. We made eye contact instantly. I hesitantly walked into the room.

"Hi, Blair."

"What are you doing here Eric? Are you okay?" I asked even though he clearly was not. I just could not fathom Eric needing to be here. He seemed so young yet I was the same age maybe younger when I first came. But little Eric will always be little Eric in my eyes.

"Blair you can stop with the act," he ghastly with an attitude. "Why are you here Blair? I am still following gossip girl and I know you guys are in a war."

"What. Oh no," I rumbled through my purse to pull out my pass. The ones visitors received were different. Mine clearly was for a guest. I showed it to him and his eyes went wide in understanding.

"I am sorry. I thought you were here digging up dirt," he explained.

"Oh no, I am just here for all of my own issues. No surprise there probably," I shrugged off as I took the seat next to his bed. "Is everything okay Eric?" I asked again fully out of sympathy.

"Just going through some things. Summer was lonely with me without school and Serena around. Then the idea of starting high school was terrifying. And I… well I tried to…," he paused and just held up his wrist to show me the gash. I was lost for words. Then it all made sense. Serena came back for him.

"I am so sorry Eric. Is there anything I could do? I could make high school easier to ensure no one messes with you," I offered and yet even that felt nowhere near close enough to helpful.

"That would be nice. Especially if I come out." The look on his face made it clear he was awaiting my reaction. I knew come out could mean two things which is why he worded at as such. Come out about his sexuality or when he left the center.

"Yes, whenever you come out," I winked. Hoping that was enough to ensure that whichever coming out he meant that I was there for him.

"So why are you here?" he asked with a smile clearly more at ease.

"Eating disorder," I answered truthfully thinking he deserved that much form me. I waved it off as if it was nothing. They were a dime a dozen in our circles to various degrees.

"I see. Especially with all this drama that is happening now. I am sure that it must be hard," he offered a small sad smile my way.

"Yes, well I had a major relapse but I think I am okay." Eric quirked an eyebrow at my false cheer to tell me he saw right through it.

"Well it must be lonely on the top. Especially now with this thing with Nate and Serena," his words taking me back to those that Chuck threw out at me last night. Ironically, Eric and Chuck probably were the only ones that knew just how life could be. Eric mistook my pause for discomfort and tried to ensure me that Serena did not do it on purpose. "You know she loves you like a sister and she hates that she did this to you," he offered.

"Well she did and I have to make her pay," I informed him. "It is the way of the world."

"Is it? Do you really have to? You know somewhere deep inside Nate was not right for you. You need someone who is not afraid to back down from a fight with you. Someone who can match your wit and probably someone who knows the difference between Christian Dior and Christian Louboutin," he joked.

"See there lies the probable. People say daughters marry versions of their fathers. And mine is gay so maybe I have been barking up the wrong tree," I said while laughing.

"A Doris Day and Rock Hudson love affair." (3)

"It might be fun." At this point, we were both giggling together. I enjoyed the laughter especially with everything that was going on.

"But seriously, some very very metrosexual then. Someone comfortable enough to wear purple," he continued. He suggested made me think of Chuck Bass and our conversation on Wednesday." We were laughing when Serena walked in.

"I had to wait almost 45 minutes but manage to get pizza from Uncle Paul's," Serena said while walking into the room. Stopping when she finally noticed me sitting on a chair by Eric her face filled with dread. (4) "Blair?"

"She is not here for a sinister plot. Clam down," Eric told his sister.

"Oh Eric, don't believe her. Blair will use any dirt, won't you?" she asked while sneering at me.

"Somethings are sacred," I offered while getting up. "I will see you later Eric."

"So is that why I had to give Dorota the slip and change taxis twice? You probably snooped in her because you thought I was receiving treatment. You were looking for blackmail," she challenged blocking the door. I rolled me eyes and ignored her. Mentally I added a new covert operations guidebook to Dorota's Christmas list.

"Wait. Eat some pizza with us. We can watch a movie or something. Serena please stop," Eric begged his sister. Her defensive stance change as she continued to access the situation. I needed to get out of there before she pierced it together.

"Wait. What is happening?... Blair… B are you here… for yourself?" she asked. I knew it would not take her too long. Serena was more than familiar with how I needed to be hospitalized previously here for my issues. Too tired from the day I dropped my head not able to think of a clever response. "Oh my god. Last night… did we… did you. Oh Blair. I am so sorry," she offered finally placing the pizza down on a table and walking towards me. I held my hand out to stop her from getting closer.

"Not everything is because of you, Serena. Take your head out of your ass. It happens, as you know. Sometimes I can't control it. I just needed the release. Don't you worry your little mind, I will be all better soon. You better not tell anyone or I will make your life a living hell" I threw back at her. It was not much of threat since that was already the plan but I needed to let her know that this secret stood here.

"I understand. Of course, I won't tell anyone. I am sorry though. I did not realize that the bar at GILT was such a public place these days." I studied her closely trying to determine if that was the truth. Eric urged me to stay again. "Join us," she said again. I debated it. Eating pizza did not make us friends again. It was just pizza. I really did not want to go home to that empty penthouse which was way I was roaming the halls in the first place. Plus I was not only eating pizza with Serena but with Eric. So it was not as if I was hanging out with Serena per say.

"I guess I can have one slice. What type did you get?" I relented.

"Pepperoni of course," Serena said with a wide smile.

"You and the commoner food, S. Out of all the flavors they have you got pepperoni," I shook my head as I grabbed a slice and passed it to Eric.

"It is a classic. Everyone loves a classic," Eric said. I pulled the pepperoni off my slice. Weirdly enough it was the closest thing I felt to a family meal in a long time.

* * *

I was pouring over business proposal and how-to-business management books that I had the help secure from the library when Nate walked in. I glanced up at my friend as I typed another idea to the list of potential one that I wanted to show my father.

"What are you doing man?" he asked picking up a book and dropping it down again.

"Nathaniel, I am kinda busy here. Bart is letting me propose a project," I told him trying to stay focus.

"Woah. How did you swing that? You gonna propose it at the Bart Bunch on Sunday?" he asked. I had thought the same thing but now I was drawing a blank when it came to ideas.

"We kinda had an argument but I think we have an understanding now. He is going to accept me in the business world in Bart Enterprises I think if this goes well as his equal. It won't be done by then" I flashed him a smile.

"He is your father not your equal." I glared at him but he missed it and continued. "No matter what man to me he is going to be scary Bart Bass," Nate said surely thinking back to all the things we were caught doing things we should not have been in the Palace. "So I guess you aren't going out tonight. I become single and you become forty, great," he said as he tossed the book he grabbed back onto the today. I glared at his roughness.

"Nathaniel it is not my fault it took you so long to grow up and I am more mature than you." He laughed aloud. "I can hand over my little black book if it pleases you," I told him in the hopes that he would not bug me while I worked on this project. His eyes light up like a child on Christmas. "I'll take that as a yes," I told him as I went to retrieve my black blackberry with a burner number. My book was not actual a book. (5) He thanked me when I handed it over.

"How are things with the misses?" I asked since I saw the gossip girl blast about Blair confronting him at school today. I could not let him leave without asking.

"I am pretty sure she threatened my entire family five generations forward and back," he said. I could tell he was worried and look at me directly.

"What I never gave her any dirt on your family I promise. I am sure it was a meaningless threat. You know she got her best information from me and I am not going to help her. Plus the Archibald are going to be fine they are cemented in this city," I reminded him. He just ran his hand over his face as if something was troubling him and mumbled something about a mess his family had. If was not so busy I would have inquired further but I did not. A minute later, he was leaving.

"Remember always ask your self WWCBD," I told him before he reached the door.

"What does that mean?"

"What would Chuck Bass do?" I filled in.

"Famous last words," he chuckled before he left me to my work.

* * *

(f) Diane Von Furstenberg Siddel Coat from 1x12 School Lies. Retail price $260.00

1 Mets won the NL East in 2006 and made it to the payoffs before they were eliminated. I like the idea of Nate as a blue-blooded New Yorker who was probably raised a Yankee fan switching to an underdog team in a slight way to gain power from his controlling parents. David Wright is the third baseman for the Mets.

2 I thought a smooth scotch ale would suit the Bass men well.

3 Famous actors from the 1950-1960s during a time when it would have been considered career suicide to come out as gay. Hudson was a leading man and heartthrob while Day was the good girl next door. They were only best friends but at the time, the media not knowing Hudson was a homosexual widely speculated that they were lovers.

4 Uncle Paul's Pizza located on 70 Vanderbilt Av no more than five blocks away from the Palace. Since the Center does not a have a real location, I am imagining it to be midtown in the hopes of being hidden rather than smack in the middle of the Upper East Side. Uncle Paul has not only lobster pizza (29.00) but also American and Tasmanian caviar pizza ($120 & $200).

5 Never understood why Chuck had an actual black book. Does not seem like Chuck to actually write numbers down especially since he claims that he does not like to sleep with the same women more than once.

* * *

A.N: I really do not understand how this chapter got so long. I felt the need to explore what is happening in Chuck's mind more fully and Blair is attempting to come to terms with her eating disorder. She needs to find her self before she is ready to dive into this thing with Chuck. They are parallel character in a lot of ways (I hope that does not give too much away). I loved writing the Bart and Chuck encounter which is essential to the rest of the story.

I would also like to take the time out to discuss Nate's character more fully. A reviewer mentioned his change in character and I am so happy you noticed. He is dealing with his father's who is being investigated and he is aware of this. I try to hint that a few times but since the story is not in his point of view, Blair and Chuck are not aware yet. I am trying to make his character a bit more interesting to write. I do not understand why he was such a 'good boy' in high school and yet friends with Chuck and Carter. When he finally rebels, it is to date cougars and Chuck's leftovers… and then to date a high schooler.

Also I love writing Blair/Serena scenes and Nate/Chuck scenes. I so excited to write my first NJBC scene for chapter 8.


	6. A Criminal's Virtues

Chapter 6

A.N Finally the kiss the lips party. I finally made it to the end of episode one (kinda of since Chapter 7 will flashback)! I did not think it would be so long to get here. I hope you enjoy it and you find it different from the original. This chapter makes the end of the foundation that I was building so events will for the most people occur much more swiftly.

Thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate all of them. To super-guest who I cannot PM directly- Yes, Bart and Chuck are a major story line for this story. There will be some nice moments and a lot of rough patches between the pair. But I do think they love each other but do not understand each other at all. Chuck and Nate are great bestfriends but I think no male friendship is complete without a women testing the foundation. That being said I am a sucker for great biff moments. Your black-book theory makes a lot sense. I haven't rewatched season two since it aired so I did not know he used it for information on people. If that is the case it would make more sense for him to hold on to those numbers.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.

* * *

 _"Humanity is not perfect in any fashion; no more in the case of evil than in that of good. The criminal has his virtues, just as the honest man has his weaknesses."_

 _― Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses_

 _Get your lip-gloss ready girls. Today is the awaited Kiss on the Lips party. You know I don't kiss and tell but hopefully you all do. Keep your pretty eyes and ears open. I feel like this a party that we are never going to forget. –XOXO GG_

Everything was going well today. I was determined that it was going to be perfect. The staff at the Foundry called ahead to ensure all the decorations were in perfect order. I sent Dorota ahead to ensure that everything was the way I had imagined. I was in the limo that Iz, Kati, and a few guys on the lacrosse team enjoying my way to the party. We were of course an hour late so that I could make my entrance for the ton. I was happy that I took my mother's suggestion and did not go with the lavender dress but the black strapless dress grown (f). Even so here with the minions, I found that I still felt alone. I never have been to a party without at least one of the NJBC by my side and I missed their presence. I continued to laugh and smile at everyone in the car pretending to have the time of my life.

I walked in and I felt all the eyes on me. I smiled at the crowd hoping that I seemed like I had everything under control. I observed the setting taking in the dim lights, the buzz of conversation, and the dance floor. People had not yet had enough time to drink to get drunk and were still not quite making fools of themselves. The industrial character of the location with the feminine soft touches paired perfectly with my personality. I wanted the Upper East Side high schoolers to know that I threw the best parties and controlled the social scene. The brick alcoves that were all strung with crystals and orchids lit by LEDs lights. In the center, we hung a beautiful crystal chandelier that was on loan from some girl's mother who was trying to win favor with me. The Marie Antoinette theme that I was inspiring for was slight and mature enough to work well with all the pink and blue touches in the room (1). I thought it served those underneath me to be reminded of a queen whose fashion defined decades of style and unlike her, I was not going to like untrue scandals make me fall. While Marie Antoinette who fell victim to her time and the sexist attitudes of those around her I ensure that I would not be the same. I will not let Nate's wrongdoing ruin me; he could go to the guillotine on his own. I said my hellos to the heads of Chapin and Nightingale that came to greet me. Of course, they all asked of Nate or Serena and some had the audacity to ask of both. I made a mental note of who was so brazen. I laughed them off claiming that he was old news. My head remained high.

After about an hour, I finally saw Chuck. He was walking down the stairs to the main bottom floor. I was instantly surprised with the emotions that ran through me. I had not seen him since our encounter in his suite on Thursday night and I did not think he was going to attend but I never formally uninvited him. Before I knew it, he was walking straight up to me.

"Waldorf," he said as he came up to me looking dashing in an all-black suit with a white dress shirt and a black bow tie and matching pocket tie. His scarf was thrown over his outfit as if an afterthought (f).

"Bass. I did not think you would attend," I told him pretending not to be affected by his presence. Yet I found myself wanting to kiss him again even though I know that should be the last thought in my head. I could not help myself the Bass really does know how to kiss a girl.

"I could not miss the first Waldorf party of the school season. Plus I you know I love the fresh meat in the room. I am celebrity to them," he said with a wink.

"Sleaze," I tried to brush him off and walk away from him but he pulled me back to him. "I almost forgot to tell you how devastating you look in that dress," he whispered into my ear. I felt his breath on my neck. I rolled my eyes and continued to walk away from him.

I should have kicked him out then. Chuck Bass caused the series of events that lead the destruction of my party. The next time I saw the bastard he was walking down the steps of the upper level holding a bruised lip as Jenny came running by right into the arms of a weird boy with jeans on and Serena. The boy walked up to Chuck and swung at him. Chuck surprised me when he slowly moved backward to avoid some of the force of the punch but his fist did make contact with his eye.

"What the fuck!" he yelled. Cameras went flashing so quickly.

I walked over to the commotion hoping to tone it down. Serena was wearing a Toni Burch gold sequin dressed and clearly not dressed for this party. Only a blonde could hair so much gold sequin and look good in it. She was holding my minion's hand asking her what happened.

"What did you do to my sister?" I am assuming Jenny's brother yelled at Chuck.

"Can you tone your voice down? Serena you and your guest were not invited. So leave before I call security," I informed them. While we shared pizza last night, it in no way was for her but rather for Eric. We were not friends again.

"Blair I am sorry-" Serena said.

"Dan stop. Nothing happen. I handled it. I shouldn't have text you," Jenny began yelling at Dan. Everyone was speaking over each other. This scene was getting out of hand but I admit I was intrigued.

"I did nothing to your sister. She went upstairs with me and we made out . Next thing I knew she got fussy. I don't need to sleep with girls who are not interested. I am Chuck Bass," he drawled out as he massaged his chin.

"I know who you are! We are in the same class. Just stay away from her," he warned. Chuck rolled his eyes. I was surprised that this Dan, supposedly a fellow St. Jude classmate would risk punching the basswhole. As much as Bass annoyed me I must acknowledge that he had clout.

"Dan let's go. I promised I handled it," she said while pulling on his hand clearly embarrassed. I was already informed as I thought I could be at this point and the argument was causing a distraction from what was supposed to be a perfect night.

"Yes if you know who am you should know better to put your filthy hands on me," he threatened. When I noticed Dan advancing again on Chuck I raised my fingers towards security who I noticed were already watching the scene. Soon they grabbed Dan and escorted Serena and Jenny out.

As soon as they left, I told the partygoers to go back to the party. I knew they were still watching Chuck and me.

"Follow me now," I hissed at Chuck.

"Can I grab a drink?" he asked. I glared at him to give him my answer. Pinching the bridge of his brow, he followed me into the alcove.

"What the hell just happened Bass?" I was angry at the thought of Chuck just upstairs mauling at a girl. I was also happy at all the punches that were thrown his way especially after all the things he told me on Thursday.

"We only made out. I thought she was into it. Yea she was a little tense but virgins are. She punched me and ran downstairs," he told me.

"My minions are now off the market for you," I warned him. I needed to protect the girls that serve me as any queen would.

"Jealous B?' he sneered stepping closer to me.

"This was supposed to be a perfect night for me," I told him and even to me it sounded a little week. I watched the hard glare of his eyes soften and pity for me came.

"Blair. I did not intended-"he began but I cut him off by grabbing his tie roughly

"Find your cheap hoes elsewhere." I told him trying to regain the upper hand. I leaned in closer gently pulling the tie this time and smelled his manly scent that reminded me of the stolen kisses we shared only two nights ago. It filled with pure need and it made me want him but I controlled my urges and whispered, "you should change your cologne. It smells a little like… desperation" 2.

 _I knew this was going to be a party to remember. For once Serena crashed a party and was not the center of attention. Oh no lonely boy came to save the day but it seems like Little J did not need anyone to fight her battles. Nor did she want Chuck's kisses. She handled the big bad wolf all on her own. But at the end of the day the UES insiders showed their muscle and had the Brooklyn trash removed. XOXO_

We both walked towards the bar. It was a square bar and we stood on opposite side of the bar sneaking glances at each other until the blast came in. I quickly looked at the Gossip Girl photos of the showdown and I noticed how perfect my interior flowers/decor looked in the photos. At least everyone that was not here knew they were missing an exciting and beautifully decorated party. You are nothing if you are not talked about and the fight really did not involve me so I knew my reputation was still holding if only by a thread. I was hoping that everything would get back to normal as I sipped the martini in my hand. I wanted champagne originally but did not feel like celebrating now. I was hoping things did smoothed out as I made my rounds and chatted people up.

My hopes were soon ruined by the arrival of yet other uninvited guest. Security was totally getting a bad yelp review and a written compliant. Maybe twenty minutes after Serena and the Brooklyn people left a very drunk and very angry Nate crashed into the party. I mean crash as he walked right into a waiter making him drop drinks everywhere. I looked around for Chuck hopping he was still here so that he could handle his friend. I failed to spot him and I knew I needed to handle this mess. He now walked right up to Kati and Iz who were chatting off by one of the brick alcoves no doubt gossiping. Before he even reached them, he loudly began to ask them where Serena was.

"Where is she? I want Serena," he asked clearly drunk. He probably wanted another go with her.

"She left," I informed him crossing my arms over my chest while I rolled my eyes.

"Did she? Well I wanted to see her not you since you are such a frigid bitch," my gaped opened mouth staring at him never expecting this from him.I stepped closer hoping to encourage him to lower his voice. But before he could get a word out he pulled a manila yellow envelope from his coat pocket. I could see where I wrote his mother's name yesterday morning. I swallowed my words trying to think of how to maneuver this situation. An angry drunk Nate was certainly a new variable to this equation. Fun cheery drunk Nate was a blast while this one could really have any personality.

"Going to ruin the Archibalds huh?" he asked loudly while moving his hands wildly into the air. My eyes watching the folder knowing the photo that I sent to Anne were hurtful but I figured she needed to know the same way that I did. The Captain was photographed with various women entering their family home. In some photos, he was brazenly kissing random women. There was another of him at a party with women obviously doing lines of coke. Some of the photo's I myself had collected by chance in the Archibald home or on the street. While the ones of the party doing drugs Kati got from her older brother. Her brother worked at the same firm that Nate's father did and Kati had went to a party where she saw the Captain. I warned her not to show the photos to anyone at the time to protect Nate but I was over looking out for him.

"I don't make idle threats. As you should know by now," I warned. I knew this was an official showdown. I needed to win to make it out of here still as queen. "You should have thought about sleeping with Serena more clearly. For all you know this is only the beginning. I can keep going. So I will watch what say." I thought back to the gossip that was circulating about this cousin Tripp and while I did not have direct evidence at the moment I knew with a little effort it will be mine.

"Get over yourself Blair. You are upset because I don't want you. Look at who you are and have become. I am happy this is over you're a bitch," he spat out. I heard the insult a thousand time an even referred to myself as a bitch on numerous occasions but never from Nate's mouth. Fuming I debated scratching his eyes out at point.

"You betrayed me so I betrayed you. That's the way the world works. So what if your parents are going to have a little bump in the road. A little difficultly in life might make you more interesting," I told him and threated. I wanted to make it clear that I would expose what was in that envelope if he continued but I don't he grasp that in his drunken stupor.

"It was a drunken mistake, Blair. One I enjoyed? Fuck yea, I did. I never set out to hurt you not like this. But there are no boundaries with you. You are so obsessed with being queen of what. At a high school where everyone hates you and you have no real friends. What do you even get out of it? Why do they even listen to you? Because you blackmail them? I have dirt on you too, Queen," he said viciously. I have never seen Nate like this. I did not know this person. Is this what I do to people? Tears pricked my eyes. "How about all the times that you left our mea-"I gasped realizing what he was going to say when Nate was roughly slammed back against the brick wall by a flash of black. When I realize it was Chuck Bass, I stood in shock along with all the onlookers as he held his best friend up against the wall his forearm pressed tightly against Nate's throat.

* * *

I arrived at Blair's party somewhat by chance. I had only planned to attend for an hour or so to clear my mind from all the spreadsheet and real estate locations I spent the day looking at. I promised myself that I would stay away from her and watch from afar. I figured I should show my face for a moment and head back out to the city to see if my father needed any help with the Brunch for tomorrow. I knew many of my father's business associates were coming tomorrow and I figured Bart could tell me a bit about them, so I knew how to chat them up. I did not have the time to think about her with the Bass event tomorrow. However, when I saw Blair at the party I was could not help but walk right up to her. I pulled to her like a moth to a flame and I was ready to be burned all over again. She dismissed me of course and I did not see her until the whole affair with Little J happened.

I had taken her to the roof for some little alone time. I was eager to not be in a room with Blair and really just wanted my mind to be on other things. Perhaps too eager, as I tried to make-out with Little L but when she stopped I told her she could go back downstairs. She told me she wanted to know what it was like to be with Chuck Bass. I thought she meant sex and went to kiss her again. She threw a punch right into my lip and fled downstairs. I have been with my fair share of drama queens and scorn lovers to be use to a women's slap or punch. Thinking it was over and making my way downstairs to leave, I almost walked right into another punch. I was embarrassed over the whole affair but still smug. It was Blair's sad eyes that made me regret the whole thing however. I was not looking to ruin her night. I felt that surge of protection fill me and all thoughts of sticking to my playful banter were dismiss but she quickly shot me down. Whatever this was could not come to be. I continued to watch her at the party talking to guests, laughing and dancing. After a while, I found myself on the second level on the stairs looking down at the party. I no longer wanted to go home to see my father with a bruised cheek and lip so I stood around chatting with a few people here and there. I was soon bored and decided it was time to leave as I informed Arthur when a new upheaval began.

I watched along with everyone at the party as Nathaniel drunkenly yelled and wave around an envelope at Blair. Seems like I created a drunk sloppy monster was my first thought. I knew with all the flashes going off that whatever it was it was bad. I had to get closer and I pushed my way to the front of the crowd that was forming around them. Classmates were recording the entire scene.

"-you're a bitch," Nate yelled at her. I winced at his word. This sense of protection that I felt for Blair when I found Nate cheating on Blair came surging back to me and I felt myself becoming angrier with Nathaniel.

"You betrayed me so I betrayed you. That's the way the world works. So what if your parents are going to have a little bump in the road. A little difficultly in life might make you more interesting," Blair threaten. Of course, she would go after his family.

"It was a drunken mistake, Blair. One I enjoyed? Fuck yea I did," I knew he that with every word he was hurting her. Blair's back was turned to the crowd so could not see her face and it was killing me. Her eyes always told me how she felt. Nate was hitting her where it hurt as any good mean girl would. "I never set out to hurt you not like this. There are no boundaries with you. You are so obsessed with being queen… of what? At a high school where everyone hates you and you have no real friends. What do you even get out of it? Why do they even listen to you? Because you blackmail them? I have dirt on you too, Queen…How about all the times that you left our-"I cut him off with my arm pressed against his neck.

"Finish that sentence Nathaniel and it will be the last thing you do," I threaten before I even knew what I was doing or why. I glared at him and he looked at me with glazed over drunken eyes. Pulling myself away, I realized that I had pushed us far enough away from the crowd that hopefully no one heard what I told Nathaniel. I fixed my suit as he pulled down his argyle blue sweater and fixing his coat.

"Look man I don't even know what I am doing here. My mother is –" he began to say but was cut off by Blair who approached us.

"You needed to go," she told him. There were tears in her eyes and her voice quivered as if her tears were going to drop at any moment. Nate instantly looked guilty.

"Blair… I am … I didn't," he began. I shook my head at him knowing it was not the time for a lengthy conversation nor could Nate have one in this state.

"I'll let Arthur know you need a ride back to the city. He should be out front," I told him as I escorted him away from Blair and the party. I swear I intended to leave with Nate but when I got to the limo, I told Arthur to take him home and come back for me. I knew that the drive to 5th avenue and back here was going to be a little less than hour but I could not leave yet when all I could think of was, Blair's said face.

Making my way back into the party, I quickly tried to find her before deciding to check the bathroom. I saw Kati and Iz with their ears pressed against the women's bathroom door trying to listen in.

"Girls," I alerted them to my presence.

They shot up shoulders back. "No one is allowed in," Kati informed me. I rolled my eyes at them. They may have been Blair's friends for a few years but Blair and I went back to kindergarten. I tried to open the door but it was locked. I knocked.

"Blair it's me," I said. I did know if it was going to work. I never so publicly came to Blair's defense. Sure, I helped her with her takedown from time to time but never like this. I heard the door click and felt relief wash over me at the thought that she trusted me. She was drying her eyes careful not to ruin her eye makeup. I leaned against the door one-foot bent as if this was a casual occurrence. Our eyes met through the mirror.

 _This party is a gift that keeps on gifting. Nate showed up to the party looking for his lost love Serena only to confront B in a showdown that mirrored none another. And who saved the Queen on a dark horse from her Prince why it was…. Chuck Bass? I guess we know who is his Queen. Now what was in the envelope? And what juicy details did Nate have on B?_

 _-tonight I am giving you only kisses xxxx_

"His parents Blair?" I questioned.

"Don't judge me Bass or I will kick you out," she said. I held up my hands in surrender. Our gaze met again and we held it longer. She turned to look fully at me and I saw the tears in her doe brown eyes. I stepped forward and let her fall into my arms hugging her as the tears fell. I do not know why I did it but the need to comfort her overwhelmed any other thought. I tilted her chin up to dry her tears with my pocket square.

"Its gonna be okay, B" I told her. I do not know why I did or how I knew but I did know I was going to help her make sure it was.

"Chuck this party is a disaster. My life is a mess," she told me. I kissed her hairline softly as if I had no control over what I was doing. I've never been this gentle with anyone ever.

"This is a party that the UES won't forget for a lifetime. Everyone will talk about this night Blair forever. Nate did not get to say anything about your… umm condition. No one is the wiser. A little damage control and a new scandal will make this old news. Sure there will be some blow back but you will handle ," I urged her to believe me. I knew I was not supposed to know about her eating habits but I was observant and apparently, Nate knew more than even I expected. She did not seem to notice my acknowledgment. Her mind seemed a million miles away otherwise she probably would never let me comfort her like this. Her tears stopped falling but I did not want to let her go, not yet.

"A lot happened huh," she chuckled slightly after a moment of contemplation. "I am sorry about Nate. I just wanted to hurt him and I guess I did," she told me.

"Forget about him Blair. He should have known you were going to fight back. You do have mighty claws," I told her I took her fingers and looked at he fingertips. I kissed them slowly. "let's show all those preps and wannabe Blairs how the real Queen handles a scandal," I told her.

"How do I do that?" she said looking at me with a wicked smile. Her I am in control smile and I was please I bought out Bitch Blair. Having her in my arms looking up at me was a new feeling and I quite liked it. The feeling of happiness came over me and I realized how connected I was becoming with her. I swallow the lump that was growing in my throat as I was coming to the realization of what all this meant. My usual quick lip left me and I was silent for too long. The tension was increasing and she stepped back out of my arms.

She looked back in the mirror while reapplying her lipstick and mascara. Watching her apply her makeup felt intimate in way I had yet to discover with a woman. I was in dangerous territory but I wanted to get as close as possible before the point of no-return. I knew originally when I mentioned weathering the scandal I meant a defense at school on Monday but the words came out of my mouth before I knew "Well you can start by dancing with me."

"Chuck Bass dances?" she mocked me.

"Usually never but for you Waldorf, yes. Let's give them something else to talk about." I said with a wink holding out my hand for her. My own internal warning was sounding. Similar to how Icarus was warned don't fly too close to the sun I knew was stepping into flames. Like Icarus before me, I too ignored the warning. She smiled brightly as she took hold of my hand. If this what basking in the rays of the sun felt like no wonder Icarus fell to an early grave (3).

* * *

f- The first dress that Blair tries on is Vera Wang Lavender Label Silk Sequin Belt Dress in a rich purple. The black strapless grown is Vera Wang Lavender Label Stone Tucked Charmeuse Strapless Grown (retailed at 695).

f- J. Press Polka Dot Scarf made of recycled silk ties. No one can't say Chuck doesn't care about the environment.

f- Serena Gold Tory Burch Sequin Tunic Dress (retailed at $750). This dress is the image of her in season one to me. It is so perfect.

1 In an interview I read with Loren Week, who was the production designer he mentioned that the theme of the Kiss on the Lips party was Marie Antoinette theme. I did not quite get the theme from the photos and clips of the party but I like the idea of a theme that is fit for a queen. (Bizbash)

2- Classic BXC line. But I gave it to be B instead.

3- For those not familiar with the Icarus tale- The geek myth in which Icarus is warned by his father to not to fly too close to the sun because of his feather and wax wings will melt. Icarus overwhelmed by the joy of flight and the heat of the sun got too close to the sun and fell into the sea dying.

A.N. The infamous Jenny/Chuck scene went back in forth in my head whether I should trash it, alter it, or keep it in my story. Pilot Chuck is so not Chuck in the rest of the show with the two almost rape scenes but is the reason why Dan hates him for so long. I decided to envision it as Chuck getting too handy with Jenny and misreading her to the point where she is uncomfortable and contacts her brother. But my Jenny is no damsel and handles herself well. Once Jenny punches her, he does not attempt to stop her. I chose not to write the scene in Chuck's POV because I did not want to depict a violent scene and underplay the encounter. Perception is everything and I am only writing this story from chuck/blair's POV, which is flawed and not all knowing. Thus, I did not think it would be correct to depict a scene of possible violence against a woman that would minimize the encounter through Chuck's male gaze.(ex of perception: Blair hears Nate being to say meals but Chuck did not. which I attribute to her seeing his lips and sounding out the words that were coming and the fear of her secret coming out. Whereas Chuck's POV stops after 'out').

Also Nate found his mojo in a bottle in this chapter. He is going through a lot- and kinda blows up at Blair in this chapter- this will be explained later. Nate is not **my** villain in this story but you may see him as one. Once again C is coming to B's rescue but Chuck is going to have his damsel moment. Next chapter will of course describe their dance if you are wondering.

* * *

I also have the next chapter done and it has become my favorite chapter (and longest). Since it does deal still with the same event/day in this chapter I would make sense to me to post it on Wednesday rather than Saturday/Sunday if there is enough interest. But then next weekend there won't be a posting. Kinda of a Catch 22. Just PM or review with when you want me to post it and I will pick between Wednesday or Sat/Sun based on what ya'all want.


	7. One's Own Misery

Chapter 7

Here it is. I hope you guys enjoy it. Its truly is my fav so far. Please review.

A.N: Long chapter. I debated splitting it up but it was essential to pair B & C flashbacks together since they were thinking back to the same moments and I wanted to be done with the Kiss on the Lips Party. They are **NOT telling Nate or Serena** what we are seeing in their flashbacks rather we are the only ones going back- if that makes sense. The dialogue between N/C and B/S is all that they share.

Thank you for all the reivews. I really appericate it. I am happy everyone understood the C and J situation. Reviews really help me flesh out my ideas and let me know if I am being too OC with the characters. Super important for character development. Also it inspires me to think up different plot lines.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.

* * *

"To be the instrument of one's own misery..." Les Liaisons Dangereuses

 _This is truly a party for the ages. C and B were spotted leaving the Kiss the Lips party together after burning a hole in the dance floor after Nate was sent packing. Nate how was your party of one? Cause from here it looks like best friend choose his side in this war and you're the one standing alone._

– _ooo (lets give the boy a hug) Gossip Girl_

I woke up to a certain bubbly blonde dramatically throwing herself next to me on my bed.

"Blairrrr," she drawled out clearly in a happy mood probably due to whatever that Dan guy was packing between his horrible Old Navy jeans. Pretending to be sleep with my eye mask still on hopeful that she would leave I needed time to process last night.

"Come on I know you are up. Blair, it's Sunday morning. Coffee, croissants, Breakfast at Tiffany's." she said yet again in a singsong voice. I groaned as I pulled the mask away. I wonder if being blonde means you are happy on principle.

"We are not friends Serena. Remember you slept with my boyfriend? Sharing pizza was for Eric not for you," I said sitting up on the bed throwing off the mask.

"I brought done-dry caps and croissants," she responded smile never leaving her face (1). My stomach rumbled. I was up late trying to rid the image of Chuck out of my mind or better yet deal with the desire he caused. I was furious with him for working me up again and leaving me horribly turned on. Not being able to sleep after I arrived home, I fought the urge to masturbate to the mother-chucker and resigned myself the Gossip Girl message boards.

"I don't drink them dry anymore," I told her hoping that she would just leave already and get a clue. Time and her affair created a drift between us that would not ever be mended. Case in point, she did not even know my coffee order. The frustration I was feeling was building too early in the morning and I regretted not giving in to him last night or giving in to my own self-pleasure.

"But Blair Waldorf would never forgo her love of croissants," she said as she shook the bag letting aroma work its way to me.

"Chocolate?" I weakly asked. Damn my weakness of all things French.

"Chocolate _and_ raspberry croissants," she offered. I held my hand out to take my cappuccino and croissant from her without a word. I had not forgiven her I told myself rather I was hungry. "I see you changed the decor in your room." I did not acknowledge the lack of décor and picture frames that were being shipped soon. When those picture frames came in I doubt she would be in any of them.

"So are we going to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's and pretend that I don't hate you?" I asked.

"No. I am here to talk to you about last night," she said her smile faltering. "I am sorry about showing up to the party. It is just Dan was worried about Jenny and he wanted to make sure she was okay. But in the cab ride she explained that she went up with Chuck with the intention of you know _chucking_ him and got scared. She was very excited about being on Gossip Girl, which worked. She said something about being nothing if you are not talked about which I knew sounded familiar," she said pointedly at me. I nodded to myself at the very true philosophy that dictated my life. "Anyway, She handled herself well but Dan is very overprotective of her," Serena explained.

"So is this Dan why you are in such a good mood? Did you _serena_ him?" I asked throwing back the fact that she was well known for sleeping around as Chuck was for umm _chucking_.

"We did not. He waved," she mumbled becoming more sober and a lot less cheerful.

"Hmm he wasn't your type? No girlfriend?" I asked smugly. Instead the former Queen of Constance looked down and away unable to meet my gaze. The same way she looked the past couple of days. I knew she felt guilty and it was eating away at me. Before I knew it, I was asking her question even though I knew if I let the silence continue she would leave. "Why were you even out with Brooklyn?" I smiled remembering GG's Brooklyn trash comment. I have to love her sass.

"It is just a bridge that separates us," she told me clearly becoming more apprehensive without a smile. I rolled my eyes at her nonsense. It was a bridge and a social class. There was an awkward silence for a moment. "I saw the video with Nate. I am sorry he went there looking for me" she said in a quiet voice.

"He seems to be obsessed with you," my comment clearly laced with sarcasm.

"I am sorry. I don't want Nate. I never did."

"You may have not wanted him but you took him." I could have gotten her to leave already but my therapist encouraged healthy communication and not bottling up my emotions until it proved too much. A cat-fight counted, right?

"Blair I am sorry. I know that you may not be ready to forgive me right now but I hope you will one day. I miss you. Just because we aren't friends doesn't mean we can't be," she told me with a smile (2). Her comment weirdly making me smile before I realized what I was doing. She grinned in response and nudged me with her shoulder. "Come on, I have been dying for the rundown of last night. Since my date ended early with a wave, I spent the night on Gossip Girl with Eric eating popcorn, reading everything. Clearly it was a party that won't ever be forgotten."

"Happy my life can be so amusing," I told her bitterly. The silence crept back into the room as I picked on the french pastry while Serena sipped on her coffee. We were in the same room on the same bed neither one knowing if this friendship could truly be mended.

"The video with Nate was pretty intense," she said sympathetically trying once again after what felt like minutes.

Gossip Girl exceeded herself this time and uploaded a video of the argument late last night. The post generated a lot of comments and ideas about what we were fighting about. Most of them were speculating that Chuck and I were having an affair making the love triangle now a love square. They had noticed my statement about Nate's parents and now there was a popular albeit hilarious conspiracy theory running around about it all. Apparently, they believed that Anne Archibald was an UES madam and I was threatening to expose them. Of course, Chuck was Anne's partner in the sex ring and I was running the financials but attempting to pin it on the Archibald family. I must admit they were clever and spent too much time watching Law & Order.

"Yea that sucked," I said I got up from the bed making sure to dust any crumbs off my perfect sheets. My emotions were running both ways.I felt somewhat guilty about the whole occurrence while understandably furious with Nate.

"Could you guess what he was going to threaten me with?" My soft question betraying my vulnerability. I was afraid that soon everyone would piece it together my illness. I told Nate about my illness when Serena left. My therapist said I needed a support system and the only person that came to mind was Nate espeically with everything that was happening with my father. He was confused and look uncomfortable but talked to me about it that day. He never brought it up again and neither did I. I did notice that he would encourgae our dinner dates more after that but he seemed at a lost at what to do or what I needed. I figured that he did the most he could but he was a young male teen who could not grasp the emotions and need to purge I often had. I felt silly telling my therapist that my boyfriend was unable to support me the Serena used to so I stopped attending our sessions until Friday. How quick he was willing to use it against me was shocking and telling.

"You can't really make anything after the word 'after' but the whoosh cause whoever was recording it had to be standing next to Chuck and he hit the camera on his way to pinning Nate against the wall…So you had something on Nate's parents?" she asked clearly having read the comment board.

"I do not pay for my Jimmy Choos with the earnings from a brothel," I said haughtily and her smile broke out into a laugh. Finally, I broke down and told her that I sent Anne photos.

"What were the photos of?" Serena questioned further. My guilt increased under her gaze. I huffed and walked into my bathroom to begin my morning routine leaving the door open in a silent invitation. I was furiously brushing my teeth when she leaned on the doorframe.

"Blair. I am not here to judge you. You do not have to tell me anything. I figured it would be good to have a sounding board," she told me.

Once I finished rinsing my teeth, I sat down on the edge of the tub. "I sent Anne photos of the Captain with other women. Taking them into her home and going at it there. And I had a photo of him at a party with women doing lines," pausing I looked at her and she urged to continue. "I guess I rationalized it with the idea that she deserved to know as much as I know and that she will be stronger because of it. I cannot imagine whatever argument I caused in their household that Nate felt the need to get so drunk. Even still my main motivation was to hurt him the way I felt hurt."

"I see. To be honest Blair you do not seemed that hurt. I mean you could have tried to run me out of the city but you didn't. You could have destroyed his family by sending it to Page Six or something," she assessed.

"Watch out I still could send you back," I told her halfheartedly. "I think I felt numb by the whole thing and my ummm… episode was a release of that emotions. Honestly, I have been feeling amazingly tired and hurt. But I also feel a little bit of relief. My therapist said something about my breakup with Nate releasing me from this life of perfection that I created for myself. I still feel the need for revenge because I feel like it is what I am supposed to want."

"Is that how you feel… like you are living a false perfect life?" she asked.

"A masquerade..." I whispered to my self as I looked at my hands desperate to not look up at her. "It's so tiring," I said with tears in my eyes finally looking at her and letting her into my pain.

"Oh Blair," she came to sit beside me "is that how you felt all this time? I always thought you had the perfect life with the perfect family and at least one parent loved you so dearly... Lily was never there for me and my father disappeared on me and Eric... Then there was Nate who was so understanding and willing to wait for you while I can't remember all the guys who just used me for sex," her voice cracking on the word sex. Clearly all the fun and living it up I thought she was enjoying was taxing. "Blair, you were also so brilliant in school and everything you did you aced... ballet, horseback riding... And I felt I could never compete with you and I was just holding you back. That one day you will outgrow me," she said with tears flowing down her face. I realized that tears were coming down mine.

"Oh, Serena.. I always felt like I was just a sidekick in your life standing in all your sunshine. You were the girl that everybody wanted and every girl wanted to be. Everything came easy to you. Everyone loved you and everyone just fears me. The girls at school...my mother...Nate all seemed to love you more... You always got away with the craziest things that I could never do. You are so free and wild... S, I have nothing now, no bestfriend, no boyfriend, no father to dote on me...Nothing to be jealous of now" I confessed to her my tears escaping. Sometime in the conversation, she grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers.

With a sad laugh, Serena said, "have we been jealous of each other this whole time?"

"Quite possibly," I turned to hug her. She hugged me back tightly. I felt a release of anger leave me in that moment. I knew that we may not be where we were before this and it would take a long time until we got there but I was willingly to work on this if she was. Pulling back from me, she told me how sorry she was about everything that happened with Nate. Promising me it was a drunken mistake.

"What did you do to him? He actually is obsessed," I said laughing.

"I don't know why. Let's just say he was quite selfish in the encounter and I have no desire to repeat it." I laughed and made a joke about dodging that bullet. I found I really was over Nate in a way that I did not think possible so soon. I think it was his cheating, wanting Serena, his drunken nights out on the city with random women Thursday and Friday, and finally the public fight last night that made me realize that Nate and I were not meant to be. I was over him and while that thought, was terrifying because I knew it was going to be hard to replace him with another trophy boyfriend who could play the part well, I was happy. Maybe this time I could go for passion instead of bloodlines.

"We need to stop laughing, crying, laughing, and get ready for the Bass Brunch." I told her after we giggled a while over Nate's aloof and silliness.

"Wait we haven't talked about Chuck. I saw those photos and the way he was looking at you when you were dancing. It is the way that I always wanted a guy to look at me," she nudged.

"That is the Bass allure. He looks at all girls that way," I informed her as I rose to wash my face and avoid her knowing looks.

"I known him for all my life he never looked at me like that," she told me. She looked at me through the mirror. I turned around only because I needed to explain these feelings somehow to someone.

"I went to him after I found out about you and Nate hoping to follow in your footsteps and sleep with the best friend. He figured out I was just using him revenge and was upset. We didn't have sex even though… I don't maybe I wanted to-"

"Wait with Chuck Bass?" she asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes. I think he felt hurt that I used him in my revenge plot or something. I don't know. You can't tell anyone. Then last night with the whole Nate thing blowing up I was feeling down and the urged to… you know. I thought he was going to leave with Nate but he put him in his limo and came back to find me. I was in the bathroom with the minions guarding the door and fighting the urge to purge. When he came back looking for me I figured if someone I trusted with in the room I would not succumb so I let him in. He gave me a pep talk and asked me to dance. Which we did after shots hence the photos. Really it was friendly," I told her as my thoughts soon drifted into what happened last night.

 _After we left the bathroom, we walked down to the main floor. The lights had dimmed further and the guests were increasingly drunk. The liquor was flowing and the inhibitions of those were loosen. People were making out in the alcoves and the dancing was turning raunchier by the minute._

" _Want to take a shot before hand?" he asked his hand low on my back guiding me to the bar._

" _Cherry tequila shots?" I offered. I hated the taste of hard liquor and it was closest I got to the stuff. He made them a double and our eyes connected as we threw back the drink_. _Loving the taste of cherry and good tequila, I asked him wanted to do another. We did._

" _A third Bass?" I offered. He chuckled._

" _I would have to carry your ass home Waldorf." He moved to look over at my backside while his swiftly moved his hand along my ass quickly giving me little time to react beside a grasp and move closer to him. "Not like I would mind. It is a masterpiece," his gaze returned to mine and I felt the tingling in my lower stomach intensify._

 _I knew I was turned on by him since he looked at me in the bathroom but I foolishly thought I still had the control. Maybe it was the liquor was speaking or the lust that admittedly running through me when I said, "how about we go dance so you can see what this masterpiece can do to you." The shock on his face was clear but he never faltered in following my steps to the dance floor._

 _I slowly grinded on him with my back towards him front. The music was fast and we were swaying together. As the second song came on, I became more comfortable dancing with Chuck Bass. The liquor and the need to free myself from all the drama that had been happening was making me feel looser. Soon his hands were on my waist holding me to him and I felt his breath on my neck getting heavier as we pressed harder into each other. I felt his hardness pressing into me though his dress pants increasingly fueling me with a new confidence with the knowledge of his desire. I raised my hand into the air and my right hand moved up and around his head to land on his neck as I turned my head to look into his eyes and held his head so that he meet mine. Soon I was turning urged by his hands to dance with him front to front. Feeling him pressed against me fully I had to bite my lip to suppress the urge to moan. Once his gaze became too intense, I threw my head back with a drunken laugh my hands rising in the air while he pressed my body towards his. I brought my hands down to wrap around his neck as we swayed tightly together. My eyes focused in on his lips. We were like this only for a few second before the beat changed and a new song came on. Breathing heavily we pulled apart. Seeing the sweat that was being to form on his forehead made me realize how intense our dance actually was. I was confused as to what I wanted and I knew I needed space._

 _With the realization that we were standing in the middle of the dance floor I turn to join a group of girls dancing together for a song but the desire never left. I could help as I danced to twirl in hopes of finding where he went. When I saw him leaning against a wall cigarette in hand eyes gazing on me my mouth went dry. Finding a cool wall to press my back against I quickly saw him once again at the bar with a drink in hand. Kati and Iz came to my side. They knew better than to ask me direct questions and I began to ask them about the going ons of the party and public perception. About half an hour later, Chuck approached me._

" _Heading out Waldorf. Want a ride?" he asked. It was nearing one and I had the location until two but I felt it was appropriate time to leave especially after all that happened. I knew that getting into a limo with Bass at this time of night only meant one thing. I was ready to take the plunge and give myself to him. In the back of my mind, I acknowledge that this could always be explained away by revenge but truly, the consuming thought that guided my answer was desire. I wanted to fuck Chuck Bass._

" _Yes. Can I say bye to a few people and inform the staff?" He agreed and let me know that the limo would be around the front in fifteen minutes._

"I am happy that you did revert back to your purging. I am happy he was there for you. Chuck can be sleazy but there seems to be a mutual level of respect between the two of you. But nothing about those photos seemed friendly. There was a lot of eye-fucking- eye-chucking- if you ask me," she teased clearly thinking she was clever with her chuck-fuck pun. I know she would not be able to handle the delicate situation I was in with Bass.

"Then I guess we are going to need to burn his eyes out." I joked.

"I would have never thought I would see the day when Blair Waldorf was interested in Chuck Bass. It's like I returned to the twilight zone," laughing still.

"I can send you right back to Connecticut," I warned her, which did nothing to stop her laughing. I let a smile slow. It was nice having my friend back.

"So he drove you home after you danced? That's it?" she asked with an eyebrow raised clearly not believing me.

* * *

The sound of knocking on my door woke me out of my Blair infused dream. The arousal it caused was now evident and I looked down at myself annoyed with how much she was getting to me. "Chuck," I heard my father's voice. Annoyed but aware that today was his annual brunch I grabbed my robe and opened the door to my bedroom that lead out to the suite.

"Yes?" I asked still half asleep.

"I wanted to ensure that you were awake and-"he stopped speaking midway as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes causing me to flinch over my bruise. "Did you get into a fight?" he asked? Suddenly I remembered the two hits I took last night and I weakly nodded. No point in explaining anything about Brooklyn.

"The invitation said black tie, not black eye. Are you okay? I mean, if you're in some kind of trouble—"he said as he grabbed my hands and examined my knuckles. I pulled them away. (3)

"Only of my own making," I told him annoyed of this conversation. Since Friday, I have been working on a proposal and yet this is the first I have seen of him since then.

"I see you did not put of much of a fight," he dryly commented referencing my perfect knuckles with no scrapes.

"Sorry to disappoint father," I said sarcastically while turning to walk back into my room. I knew my father was a different type of man than I was. He was a swinging back type while I was most comfortable with this air of indifference that surrounded me. I found my revenge in other ways. I felt my anger for that Brooklyn kid increase. Who was he to embarrass me with my father?

"Why do you think I do all this? Huh? This party is for you, okay, so you can meet people. You know, become a part of something, make some kind of change," Bart continued. He would have his P.I sick me out when I was living it up but yet these two days he could not comment on.

"I thought this was for the open bar? Don't worry I'll try to make it there in one piece," I said before reentering my room. Discovering it was only ten and brunch did not start until two I threw my self on the bed for five more minutes that turned into thirty before I was awaken again by knocking. I groaned as I got up again to tell my father to leave me alone. Opening the door, I found Nate looking at me sternly.

"We need to talk."

"Can I shower beforehand?" I was taking the control of the conversation away from him until I was ready myself for his questions. Nate was not expecting that and stuttered a sure. I told him to help himself to room service and I would be out in half an hour.

About forty-five minutes later, I came out of the bedroom in my bathrobe and new silk pajamas and debated pouring myself a glass but decided against it. I sat across from him at the breakfast table.

"I thought you were getting ready?" he asked.

"You think it only takes forty-minutes to get ready?" I asked. My pattern and color choices were a carefully thought out ensembles. He shrugged sheepishly.

"Did you sleep with her Chuck?" he was quick to the main question. I grabbed a pastry and slowly pulled it apart. I looked at him carefully.

"No, Nathaniel, I cannot say I had the pleasure," I told him.

 _Why on earth did I ask her dance? I basically told her to use me in the same way that angered me on Thursday. Use me to create a new scandal. Use me so they would forgot that Nathaniel ever came here to yell at you. I suppose I am a glutton for punishment because I danced with her. I never dance unless you count receiving lap dances. Dance she did. She grinded on me and let my hands roam over her body. When our eyes connected and turned to face me our bodies barely moving against each other. We were breathing hard I knew she wanted me to kiss her. There were no missed signals here. A second or two more I would have. I would have tasted those lips in front of all our classmates. I would have marked her as mine in a way that would have destroyed her reputation at school because I knew that with one kiss she would have surrendered herself to me. It would have been scandalous and fucking perfect. When we pulled away from each other, the attraction was still there. If anything, it grew. When Arthur alerted me that he was near I should have just left but I felt the need to inform her. To see what she would do. When she told me that she would allow me to escort her home, I knew that she was opening the door for more than just that._

 _Walking outside letting the air hit me sobered me up a bit from the lust. I told myself not even a day ago that I would avoid just this thing. I told myself that she would not use me and yet I offered myself up on a pedestal just moment ago. I told myself I would not get too close to her because this was a black hole. Before stepping into the limo, I took a deep breath of the fresh air knowing the next twenty minutes were going to be filled with the scent of Dior Miss Dior Cherie (4). She sat by the window furthest from me. With every second that passed, I was losing my nerve. My hand that she could not see was balled up with the nails passing into the palm reminding me not to touch her. I was sure to have a mark there at this rate. We were on the Queensboro Bridge and I knew were going to have to drive together for another twenty minutes. The three reasons that formed in my mind to not touch her were disappearing: One, I should ask Nate first. Maybe I should ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Two, I did not want to be used. I glanced over fiddling with her fingers looking out her window her hair pulled to one said. I took in her neck. Fuck she could use me all night long. Three, these feelings were overpowering and consuming me in an unknown way. When I was about to give in to the overpowering feelings my body turning towards her my hands reaching out to her so close I could feel the heat from her body did she finally speak but never looking at me._

" _So are you ready for the Bass Brunch tomorrow?" she asked. I quickly retreated into my seat when she finally looked at me and smiled waiting for an answer. If she was would have glanced back a moment sooner there is no way she would have missed the lust on my face. Instead, I took the out and dove right into the conversation about brunch. When she joked about her love of brunch, she mentioned that she was hungry. I mentioned that there was a diner that was on the way home. She refused and looked out the window._

" _ooo," she squealed. "One of those taco trucks," she said._

" _Waldorf, you want tacos? From a truck?" I asked in disbelief._

 _She blushed. "I never had one. I was just pointing it out, Bass." I rolled down the divider and asked Arthur to pull over. When she realized I was going to get tacos as I exited the car she yelled only one and chicken gigging freely. I brought her back two and myself three. I passed the aluminum wrapped tacos over to her she looked at it curiously. Very slowly with only two finger began to open it. She was taking her first bite as I was done with one._

" _Not bad," she said. I smiled at her knowing she probably never gives into these urges for cheap food or anything above three stars. "Tell no one about this Chuck."_

 _I chuckled as I wiped sour cream from her lip. "You're secret is safe. Hey, there are some really lowbrow pizza shops in the lower east side where you can get a dollar slice, if you want" I joked. She rolled her eyes._

 _"The lower east side? What after we go to a strip club or something? Is that a normal Bass weekend?" she asked._

" _Usually there is a woman or women I take home to enjoy. Want to offer up." She rolled her eyes at my comment but did not remark as she finished her first taco and began to open up her second. I could not help but smile at her appetite. There was a time when I only ever saw her eat one meal a week in my presence and this would be the second counting Wednesday._

" _So how is that tight leash that Bart has around you," she asked changing the conversation. I told her all about Bart letting me propose and project. She was excited and asked about my plan while encouraging me with her confidence._

" _I have not really selected one strong idea yet," I confessed. "I want to have a good fore knowledge of it. I discovered that I am not really an expert on anything."_

" _Don't be so hard on yourself. You are fifteen. You are good at having a good time and on knowing all the workings of the nightlife in this city," she offered. In her praise, I felt a warmness enter my heart. I pressed my fingernails into my thighs in the hopes of erasing it._

" _What invest a club? The loud party scene is only enjoyable for so long." The loud club music was often too overbearing to my senses unless I was trashed. I did not think that I should propose a business that I would need to be drunk or high to enter._

" _A bar/lounge?" Blair offered up._

 _I sneered. "They are a dime a dozen here. I want a place where morals are forgotten," I explained._

" _So like a strip-cub. Kind of Midtown Bass," she said._

" _No. A place where people can feel free to let loose without judgement," I tried to explain._

" _A place that is purely decadent and excessively glamorous. Pure escape where respectable people can be transported to another time" she responded. I can see the movie credits in her eyes as she thought of her old-Hollywood dreams._

" _Where secrets remain secret. Like a … burlesque club," I said as ideas and images began to pop into my head of old Hollywood burlesque films. Yes. A burlesque club._

" _Burlesque like a strip club?" she asked not as convinced as I was._

" _Not at all. A strip club is about the stripping where a woman is going to end up naked and men ogling her. A modern burlesque club is so different. It is about the teasing not the stripping. The performer is in control of what they shows and how much. Done right it is sexy and not sexual. It leaves you wanting more, desiring more but the goal is always out of reach. A tease," I said as I tried to describe the experience. My voice lowering as I described the event all the while picture Blair teasing and touring me. I realize just how close we were sitting now._

" _I see. I will keep that in mind. It sounds like an excellent idea," she said, as she looked me right in the eye. Her lips so close to mine. "Bye Chuck," she said as she left through the open door leaving me confused as to when we even made it to her building. The entire night I was plagued by visions of her in the limo. I knew the next time I was alone for her for so long there would be no way to control myself._

"The pleasure? Chuck, Blair is my ex. You can't just take her like she is just some girl at a bar," Nate challenge and I rolled my eyes. I could see the anger growing on his face.

"Nathaniel, I am fully aware of who Blair is. I was just being a friend last night. I drove her home that is it. I was trying to comfort her after your meltdown," I added attempting to turn the tables on him.

"I know I fucked up last night. But I also know that the way you comfort people is usually not the way normal people would." He got up and walked away from the table. He began to pace the room. I sat back smugly and watched him waiting for whatever he was trying to get the courage to say. "I never thought that we would need to have this conversation man. It's an unwritten rule of friendship. A boundary that guy won't break. When you found Serena and me you totally cock blocked and forced me to tell Blair. Is this what you wanted? To deflower her, to have her before me," he rambled. Yet, I thought that is what you did to Blair and Serena. Right when I thought of telling him that Blair was a big girl and not property he looked right at me and said, "You are like a brother to me... No, you are my brother. You have been there through everything. And right now I need my best friend… man…My family is going through a lot and I where else where I crash when I need to escape," he ended with a smile.

I was reminded in that moment that before any of these feelings for Blair came about Nathaniel was the only person I ever felt a sense of comfort with and a sense of protection for. I nodded my head at him. He was the only family I had ever known and I could not give that up for a night with Blair. "I know what those pictures on Gossip Girl looked like man. Last night nothing happened beyond our dance and I drove her home," I promised. I knew that I should not mention Thursday. The secret was safe I doubt Blair would tell anyone.

"Okay, I trust you. I am sorry. There are a lot of crazy things that are being said on the message boards," he admitted guiltily. I nodded even though I had not yet looked them over.

"What you did last night to her. You need to apologize," I told her. He looked at me as if he was sizing me still unsure of what I told him. "Before you started dating we were all friends. In fact, I was friends with her first," I tried to explain.

"Yea I know," he said sitting down across from me again. "My mom and dad want me to get back together with her," he said.

"After the photos she sent?" I asked. He looked at me trying to decipher if I knew what they were of which I did not. He must have thought I did "all those photos of my dad cheating on my mom doing drugs sent the house into an uproar. I did not tell her they were from Blair. There is too much going on with my Dad. And if my mom found out that my girlfriend sent her those photos she would be so embarrassed. She is convinced it was her father anyway since he hates my dad… my father is being investigated by the Feds…my mom is freaking out… I am freaking out. Apparently he has a drug problem and now these photos of him cheating," he confessed finally placing his head in his hands. He looked overwhelmed and for the first time since I knew Nathaniel he looked depressed. I was in shocked. I knew something was haunting him but I had no clue that it was this. I honestly thought it was the whole Blair and Serena thing. The Captain was Nate's hero. The man that he loved dearly was a fraud, an addict, and a cheater.

"Man. I had no clue. Whatever I can do to help I will. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked.

"And say what? My dad is fraud and is horrible," he sadly laughed as he leaned back.

"Hey the Captain is a good man and great father to you. Trust me I have a horrible one. So he made a few mistakes. It is a slippery slope. Plus trying to impress Willaim van der Bilt is no easy task," I said trying to ensure that Nate doesn't lose grasp on his father. In many ways, the Captain raised me as well.

Running his hands through his hair and yet out a large breath. "I don't even know how to begin apologizing to Blair. She hasn't even forgiven me for the Serena thing," asked me obviously trying to change the conversation.

"I think she felt pretty bad about the whole thing last night. At least she didn't send it to Gossip Girl and it would have reached the society pages by today which means she held back. I am sure there are some heartstrings you can pull on," I offered.

"Now my parents want me to do anything to get her back. Even propose." I jerked in surprise. Propose? It was what Blair wanted since she was ten. Would he? Would she say yes?

"What? Do you even love her?" I said loud and quickly betraying my own emotions. Nate eyed me with suspicion. Righting my self I quickly backpedaled to my unconcerned attitude. "Nathaniel, I was just being to meet single you," I add.

"It's for a business deal. Eleanor's company is going public and if my dad leads the deal, he could cover his tracks better against the Feds for a while. Once it is over we can go our separate ways," he said. The clear disregard for Blair's feelings pierced at me. I tensed up again but this time was able to mask it better. It was clear I did not have Nate's full trust as he was closely observing my reaction. Inside I was seething at his callousness.

"Would you propose tho?" I asked as I pretended to glance at the newspaper that came up with Nate's meal.

"No. No. I don't think so," he let me know. I nodded softly but I found myself to be elated with the answer. I was Blair's friend as well and she deserved better than some false engagement.

"So you think I can ask her to meet me here before the brunch to talk? I really need to say sorry sooner rather than later," he added.

"Of course, when do you ever ask? It isn't like I haven't walked in to find you here with some other girl," I winked clearly referring to Serena. It was a subtle reminder to their encounter that Blair was in the dark about. Usually he would hardly understand those but he read that one loud and clear.

"Well maybe this time you should knock. You never know what you are going to find" he threw back at me. We both knew it was his way of reminding me that Blair was his. The gauntlet was thrown (5). I said nothing and I stood up to grab a drink so he would not see the disgust on my face.

"Dude, that guy popped you pretty good, huh? Never mess with a guy's sister," Nate chucked.

"I suppose. But then again you should know better than to hurt a Waldorf," I reminded him.

* * *

 _When I stepped out of the Foundry into the cold air was a refreshing relief. Chuck opened the door for me and I slipped in close to the window. He sat on the far side. A part of me did not want the night to end but I did not know how to voice my feelings. The silence was making the tension grow. I wondered why he offered to drop me if he had not made a move, better yet why did I say yes. I knew that he wanted me. I could feel the tension in the limo, his desire on the dance floor was clear, and the way his eyes followed me after everywhere I went after all displayed his lust. It was more than that. It was the he looked at me in the bathroom and held me as he wiped my tears. I knew that he would be gentle and sweet with me all the while ensuring my pleasure. He made me feel like a glass doll in one moment and then the most allure women in the world. I thought without a doubt Chuck was going to make me his when he asked if I wanted a ride. Yet we sat here in silence._

 _My dress felt tight and hot as I we drove over the bridge back into the city. Pretending to look out the window my view tainted by the windows and the darkness that was only illuminated by passing cars. When I could no longer take the silence I asked him about his father's brunch which opened up an animated conversation about his business ideas. I asked him about food to give him the opportunity to invite me to the Palace where we could order room service but he did not take the bait. Instead, we had food truck tacos and talked about his business ideas. I saw a completely new mature side to Chuck as I listened and urged him to continue thinking of business ventures. It was in those moments that I saw glimpses of the man that he could one day become and it excited a completely different part of me- a part of me that wanted to buy a new scrapbook and magazines to dream out a life for my future._

 _His voice was like velvet and floated over me. I listened carefully and watched as he become lost in his words and the notion of a tease. Well if that is what he wanted than that is what he will get._

" _I see. I will keep that in mind. It sounds like an excellent idea," I said as I thought of all the ways to get Chuck to be mine. He was obviously fighting against something. I could tell he wanted me when we were dancing and on Thursday. Maybe it was his loyalty to Nate. Maybe it was our own friendship. Maybe it was because he did not think I would want to. But I wanted a taste of the wild side that I felt when I danced with him as everyone watched. I knew it was bad but it made me feel alive. He looked like he wanted to kiss me but oh no he had half an hour to do that. I was all riled up when we first got into the car so he could drive home that way. With a quick bye I walked out of the limo._

"Yes that is it, he just drove me dome. We grabbed a quick bite and I was safety tucked into my bed away from him" I turned back around to the looking at myself in the mirror telling myself that whatever I was feeling for Bass was just foolish lust. I was ashamed to think that it was one-sided and I could never admit that to Serena. Had my plot for revenge on Thursday tainted his opinion of me or did he think that I was still trying to use him? Or was he simply not interested and could not help but get hard as I danced on him. He was probably laughing on the inside with how obvious I was following him around. Yesterday, lost in a daze of alcohol, lust, and probably food poisoning from street food I thought up ways to seduce Bass. Ways to tease him until he came crawling at my feet. But how could I, seduce him?

"Did he tuck you in? Or better yet did you want him _chuck_ you?" she teases.

"Stop using his name in exchange for the word fuck. You're giving his sexual prowess too much credit," I said slightly annoyed walking out towards my closet to make sure my dress was steamed and ready for today's brunch. It was reminding me of the fact that Chuck was the seducer and I was the virgin.

"Let me know if that is true when you find out" she joked as she entered my sanctuary and I ignored her but thought Serena was right about one thing. I was going to find out. I was going to seduce him. First, I needed to figure out how. Lists were needed.

"See you at brunch B? My mom really wants me to go," she rolled her eyes. I loved events like this when we mixed elbows with the rich and powerful. At least the brunch did not start until two, which my mother said, was lowbrow but I guess the Basses can do as they pleased.

"Yep. I have the perfect outfit." I walked back into my bedroom when she about to exit. "I am happy we are working on being okay again."

"You have no clue how good it feels to laugh and talk to you like this again," she told me. We shared a smile. I agreed and asked her to send up Dorota on the way out. I needed her to pick up reading on seduction. The game was on.

* * *

1bone –dry caps are a way of making a cappuccino. You can have them traditional (wet) or dry which allows for more foam. The dry ones are the ones that you can do the fun artwork in.

2- I borrowed the Just because we can't be friends doesn't mean we aren't line. It is such a cute line.

3 This is the line that kinda inspired my Bart for this story when I read quotes from the first two episodes. In addition, the moment in 2x10 when Bart apologizes after Dan's short story is the Bart that I am writing about.

4 _Dior Miss Dior Cherie-_ I thought of making her scent Chanel No.5 but I like to think while she is a classic (and I know she uses it later on in the show) she is also fifteen. Since my grandmother wore Chanel No.5, I just can't see Blair using it so young. Also Dior Miss Dior Cherie is a great scent.

 _5_ I noticed many countries other than my own are viewing this fic. So thought I should explain metaphors that I usually take for granted just in case. **Gauntlet thrown** \- to challenge or confront someone.

A.N: I liked playing with their emotions for the memories in the moment vs. the next morning especially Blair. Chuck makes her feel so much more sexy and confident than she is the next morning. I purposefully make her doubt her appeal in the morning for a moment and yet the thought does not enter her mind even as she sits in the silence of the limo. I realize that I am writing Chuck so much more engaging in conversation with Blair than he is with everyone else but I can't help it. Blair wants Chuck, finally if only in a sexual way. Chuck is fighting it and now promised Nate he would stay away.

Yes, I made a conversation with Blair spark the idea of Victrola. I thought it would make sense that the club is a manifestation of the way that Chuck makes her feel.

Next two chapters are the Bass Brunch get your champange and crepes ready.


	8. If Love Were a Color

A.N: The episode that created my obsession with all things Blair and Chuck wore.

I have a new Chair type fic out called **Pictures of Blair** if you haven't read yet try it.

Also reviewer, skaggirl, (thank you) mentioned that they are sixteen and not fifteen in the first season. It was a mistake on my part. I totally intended for them to be sixteen and juniors in high school. So I went back and edited out those references. But in case anyone was wondering they are actually 16. Quote this week is not from the usual but I was like this is so young foolish Chuck.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.

* * *

 _"If love were a color, it would be green. At least for me. But her love is blue, and she's too cool to see that my envy is just amped up jealousness, and a display of how much I care about her and want to see her happy, alone, and imprisoned in the castle of my heart."_  
 _― Jarod Kintz_

 _Is there really anything better than a lazy Sunday? Reading the paper in bed, sipping coffee, scrambling an egg or two. Yeah right, we Upper East Siders don't do lazy. Breakfast is brunch, and it comes with champagne, a dress code, and 100 of our closest friends and enemies. After last night's clusterfuck you better believe I am sipping on this Bellini eager with anticipation to what today will bring–xoxo Gossip Girl_

Once Serena left I texted Jenny to inquire about what happened with Chuck last queen, I needed to ensure my subjects were acting in their proper roles.

B: I did not invite u to my party to cause a scene

J: OMG! So sorry && Chuck is a total creep but I handled it

I felt satisfied that she would not be a lost puppy dog following Chuck around. It would be a blow if my seduction of Bass ended with him bedding one of my minions. I tossed my phone and seconds later it beeped.

J: r ppl talking bout it?

B: No ppl have more relevant gossip to discuss

J: o okay

I rolled my eyes as if anyone is talking about Brooklyn with everything else that is going on Gossip Girl. I knew from Serena that Jenny was hoping that her encounter with Bass was going to push her into the relevant topics on Gossip Girl. But it was less important than she thought. The women Chuck slept with were never important. Hell, it was assumed that more than half of Constance hooked up with Chuck in some way or another. Jenny needed to know her place. She was not to be seen rather she needed to serve me.

The ride over the Palace was silent and my mother looked to be in one of her moods. I was only grateful that she did not comment on my outfit. At least the silence allowed me to go over the small seduction tips that I picked up from the internet in a quick search. Eye contact, light touching, and touching my lips or collarbone. It seemed simple enough. In addition, Bass was usually eager to jump into bed with someone so it should not seem that hard. Then again he has probably been with a hundred women how could I tempt him? Ugh. Stupid whore he was. I felt a bit of jealously stir up that I needed to squash. This was about sexual gratification Blair. Nothing else nothing more I told myself.

"Mother, excited for the brunch?" I asked trying to make conversation in the silent town car.

She rolled her eyes "Not really, Blair. I only go because the Basses are so rich. They are not a good bunch. Seriously, they those two men have no morals at all even still I must admit Bart does have a mind for business. Regardless, remember what I told you about them. Stay away."

"Of course mother," I lied and turned to look out the window. I felt her glare at the back of my head in the way that mothers could only do. I crossed my legs tightly willing my mind to stop thinking thoughts of Chuck out of fear that she was reading my mind. I nearly threw myself out of the car since I was too impatient to wait for the driver to open the door.

We arrived at the Place Hotel promptly at one thirty for mingling before the brunch. The Basses were greeting their guest at the door. The slight bruising that was forming on Chuck's lip and eye were in direct contrast to his all white suit. We both obviously wore the last of our summer whites, as the season would soon be ending. I was sure fall and my coming seventeen birthday were a new beginning. We were on the eve of it now. As I made sure to smile at Chuck to let him know, I did not regret spending time with him last night even as the gossip about him and I were reaching epic portions on the internet.

"Mrs. Waldorf, Blair it is so lovely to see you," Chuck laid on the charm. Bart extended a similar greeting and put of his hand for me to shake. The weight of Bass's powerful handshake and glaze felt stronger than ever. I held my ground never blinking away from his intense gaze until a small smile on his face came about.

"Very happy you both could make it," the elder Bass said.

"Chuck knows all about my fondest for brunch," I teased Chuck back to the conversation from last night.

"Yes, I reserved eclairs just for you," he winked at me knowing we both loved the pastry and often fought over them. I felt the eyes of Bart and Eleanor on us. I could feel my mother's warning about Chuck ringing in my eyes.

"That is very kind of you Chuck, but Blair should stay away from those. Nate is more than aware that Blair enjoys cucumber sandwiches" her voice making it clears that I should stay away from the calories and from him. I winced and hoped it was invisible.

"Nonsense. Blair has a much sophisticated palate than that," Chuck said while staring my mother down and with nowhere to look, I made the mistake of glancing at Bart. He was looking at his son with something akin to pride. He turned to look at me and raised his eyebrow with a grin as if we were sharing a secret. The moment was no joke for me rather it was filled with tension. I knew that we should be moving in as other guests were standing behind us hoping that would be the out. Finally, Chuck looked at me "They are divine. You really must try one," he said his gaze still fierce.

"Maybe two," I joked hoping to receive a smile.

While one did not grace his face his eyes did light up and wink at me. I walked away with my mother to a group of her friends. I grabbed a Belleni from a staff member and politely sipped on it as I engaged them in conversation about upcoming college plans. After enough time I excused myself to find the younger crowd in these events when I made my way to Serena who was there with Lily. I watched Chuck from behind as he stood by his father looking more mature than I have ever seen him before. Chuck who stood up to my mother in front of me and his own father in a way Nate would have ever done. Chuck who seemed genuinely happy to just see me. My heart being beating in a way that I refused to believe as real but the smile that came to my face could not be suppressed.

"Why the smile, B?" Serena teased as soon as she saw. I rolled my eyes at her and greeted Lily with a kiss on the cheek who then left us to chat.

"Oh nothing, I just can't wait to try an eclair," the smile never leaving my face.

"One would think it would have to do with – Chuck," Serena with a quick head nod to let me know he was approaching. As I turned I found him closer than I expected almost bumping into him.

"Bass," I said sipping on the cocktail hopping he would not notice my stupid grin. I reached out to brush imaginary dirt from his suit and let my hand linger. His eyes followed my hand and looked at me with a dirty smirk. I pulled my hand away feeling silly. Ugh bastard.

"Waldorf, is the badge of white to show the world that I have not actually taken your sweet innocence?" I could tell his was teasing but the truth of the matter was if he wanted, he could have. My smiled faltered by my reply was quick.

"Why are you wearing white? A symbol of truce in your war with Nate?" I asked wanting to know if he spoke to Nate yet. Since he is not here, I am figuring that they were currently not speaking due to Gossip Girl.

"Fear not. I spoke to Nathaniel. He actually would like to request your presence in my room," he said his Bass smirk still strong.

"Oh really," I said at a lost for words.

"I believe he is going to be grovel at your feet. He is truly sorry about everything. Hear him out, he is going through a lot," Chuck face displaying deep honesty.

Truly not expecting Chuck to be the one to set up a meeting between Nate and me I felt like I misread all his feelings. My happiness was plummeting to the ground. All my thoughts of Chuck wanting me for himself soon left my mind. Had I truly made a fool of myself yesterday? Why would he send me to my ex-boyfriend to mend things if he wanted to sleep with me? He did not want me and my only consolation was that I did not actually jump him yesterday. In the midst of this rejection all, I felt wat the lack of control I had of the situation and the need to fix myself. To perfect myself.

"Blair, go up. We been friends forever and it would be nice if everything was back to normal," Serena encourage stepping into our conversation. I looked at the girl who slept with Nate. I felt like a fool as I stood in between them. Chuck seemed to be surprised that I was talking to Serena once more but I did not have the time to explain to him the complication of female friendships.

"Things are never going to be back to normal. I am not sure-"

"Give him a shot. Come on it would better if there were no more Archibald and Waldorf showdowns," Chuck awkwardly placed his hand in his pockets and shifted his feet looking uncomfortable for a moment. Maybe Archibald and Waldorf occupancy the same affection in his heart? Maybe he only saw me as a friend and only a friend equal to Nate.

"I'll give him five minutes," I said as I handed Chuck my drink and walked away from him without a glance back. Truth was I wanted out of that conversation and that room.

Inside I felt a wave of confusion continue to ride as I made my way to Chuck's suite this time to seek out a boy. With the same hesitation that I displayed on Wednesday, I stepped off the elevator feeling a sense of _deja vu_. Unsure what to say to him or how his mood would be I stood staring at the door to 1812. I felt as if I was standing in a crossroad, never more confused to what I wanted. This morning I was sure I was over him but now feeling rejected and silly the notion of comfortable and predictable Nate was appealing. Then again how predictable is a man who cheated on me with my best friend actually be?

* * *

I told myself that this was the right thing to do for Nate. It was not as if anything was going to happen other than a conversation. I figured Blair would still be livid at Serena and Nate but then when I realized that she and Serena were talking again I began to fear that I miscalculated the scenario. I knew Nate said that he was not going to propose but there was a prick in my stomach as I thought about it. My eyes followed her out of the ballroom room, my eyes focus on those gorgeous black patterned tights that made me want to grab her and run my hands over them. I wanted her here by my side but I all the while pushed her into his hands. I dropped off the glass with a nearby waiter.

"Chuck, wait up," Serena said following me.

"Yes?" I ask the blonde who looked ridiculous in a dress that was far too causal for this event.

"Blair and I are good again. She doesn't know about-" she looked around to see if anyone was listening and I could not help but roll my eyes at her obvious actions. "Wednesday," she whispered.

"Serena, do you think Nate is going to bottle that secret in as Blair is no doubt putting the fear of god in him by now?" I asked trying to worry her. Honestly, I was annoyed at her lack of faith in my discretion. Then again, no one is sneakier than Chuck Bass, I thought of the photo that was burning in my pocket in my cellphone.

"I am serious Chuck. She would be furious with me if she knew the moment we bumped into each other since we almost…" Her face looked as if pain and confusion were consuming her. Did blondie here like the other one as much as he liked her?

"Yes, it would look bad if she knew you were lying about feeling sorry and it being a _one-time drunken mistake_ ," I said using the word's that Gossip Girl blasted to hurt her.

"Chuck, watch it. How about I tell Nate about you and Blair on Thursday," she threated showing off why she was the first freshman queen of Constance. In a way, a mean girl only could to insure that her destruction meant mine. I glared at her for a moment until I realized that Blair was the one who told her. When girls share information like that it is because she was obviously on her mind. A smile brace my face.

"Oh my god, why are you smiling. Did you guys actually go all the way… wait… do you have feelings for…" Serena stopped mid-sentence but we both knew she did not need to finish her sentence. My jaw dropped for a second before I composed myself. The blonde that I always call dumb or dim was very much not I realized. Well at least when it came to Blair and me apparently.

"I admit there is a certain appeal that she has but I do not have any feelings for her that differ for any beautiful women that walks by me," I said falling back to my careful indifference determined not to mess up again. She looked at me as if to judge what I was saying.

"Chuck, at the end of the day whatever this is happening between you to is only temporary fun. Nate and Blair they are meant to be. That is her fairytale-,"

"What is he doing here?" I interrupted her as I looked at the boy that caused the growing black eye I was currently sporting. He was standing by the door trying to get pass security.

"I invited him. I did not realize this event was going to be so… black-tie," she said.

"Obviously, by your summer dress," I scoffed under my breath as I walked towards the Brooklyn boy with Serena close on my heels. "I am gonna kill him."

"With what your scarf?" Serena asked as we neared him. I ignored her; of course, Serena would fail to understand a signature fashion statement.

I approached security who was informing him that this was formal event. "What are you doing here?" I asked the underdressed man-child with Nehru collar jacket over a t-shirt and jeans. We were by the door but still in ear-shot of some of the guest.

"I am looking for Serena. What are you looking for another black eye?" he asked trying to be gruff but we were on my turf here. Literally in my home.

"Oh are you a fan boy or something. Let me inform you on the life that is Serena van der Woodsen - she sleeps around with her best friend's boyfriend and pretty much any guy so I am sure you are going to get yours soon if you last say a week," I told him angrily. I was trying to throw the only thing I knew about him, his crush on Serena in his face while taking out the anger I had for Serena at the same time.

"Chuck stop. Dan don't listen to him. He is Chuck Bass," she explained. Dan looked confused for a moment.

"That thing with Nate was a year ago-" he started with his attitude increasing.

"Try this past Wednesday. Sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend? That's kinda her thing. Honestly, I kinda admire you for it, S" I add. I may have embellish a little but the look of Disgust on Dan's face was clear.

"Chuck, stop. It just happened," she said doing nothing to help her story.

"Wait is that why Nate was waiting for you this morning?" Dan asked.

Waiting for Serena? I thought he was here for me. The sneaky bastard and I looked at Serena waiting for her response. She at least blushed at the fact that she was with Nate this morning.

"I am leaving. I obviously don't belong here. This is not for me," he said as he turned away from us and walked away.

"I can't believe you Chuck" were her last words as she fled. My thoughts were instead wrapped up with what Nathaniel was still up to. I realize that we caught the attention of a few of my father's guest. But it seemed like none of the Constance students overheard the argument so I was hopeful that it would stay off gossip girl. If this got out Blair was going to have a very hard time holding down her throne. I felt my father glaring at me only a few feet away. His disappointment once again clear but my mind was on other things. Why if Nathaniel planned to apologize to Blair today did he seek out Serena this morning? His disregard for Blair's feelings and his desire for Serena were apparent. Nonetheless, Blair and he have been upstairs going on ten minutes. I made my way to the bar to grab a scotch to quell my thoughts. Serena came back only moments after me.

"Are you happy Chuck? How would you like if I told Nate about you and Blair?" she hissed at me. Realizing we were in the middle of the party I told her to follow me back out to the hallway feeling Bart's staring me down.

"You aren't. I won't tell Blair and I don't think anyone heard," I told her trying to stop her revenge. Her defensive stance changed and I realized that I was on the receiving glares of a very haughty Serena van der Woodsen.

"Blair and Nate have been gone for a while," she crossing her arms over chest looking at me as she knew something which she did not.

"I don't care about what you are insinuating," I told her walking away from her.

"I don't know. It would not be the first time that Nate brought a girl up to your room to use your bed. Very romantic if you ask me," she said stopping me in my tracks. I turned and looked at her to find her smiling. I should have turned and walked right into the ballroom. Instead, I walked towards the elevators. I could hear her footsteps trailing behind me. She entered the elevator with me.

"I bet when you thought about Blair in your bed you did not think she would be in it without you?" she asked continued her line of questioning.

I ignored her rather my mind was playing on replay Nate and Blair in my room clawing at each other. The anger was controlling me now. Jealously was blinding me to how obvious I was being to Serena in that moment. I knew had no right to be jealous. Blair was not mine and would never belong to me. She was meant for the Nate's of this world. I was the darkness in her world that should remain in the shadows; the man that protect her when the world was crashing in around her if only to receive those special smiles. Those smiles that made me feel real. Those smiles that I been receiving for years that I only realize in this moment sustained me in a way that this scotch glass that always seems to be in my hand never could. I drink to help me forget the pain but I remember everything. I remember this disappointment on my father's face repeatedly. I remember Nate having to ask me if I sleep with his high school sweetheart. My only friend and I was willing to betray him. I was not worthy of anyone. I was not worthy of love. I would only hurt her. I would only let her down. My jealously subsided as a wave of melancholy came about that I washed down with the last of my drink. I looked at Serena to find her looking worried.

"I am not going to tell her anything. I promise," I told her. I could not hurt Blair at this moment knowing she may not be able to sustain yet another scandal in less than a week.

"Thanks," she said softly. "Do you think they are actually…" she began to ask as the doors opened. I realized she was fearful because she shared feelings for Nate, feelings that were stronger than she let on before.

"I don't know," I honestly answered.

We were at the door to my suite and I reached for the door I realize that I knew I would not be able to see Nate and Blair together without it hurting. As I opened the door, I found the scene in front of me ripped my heart out. The dangers of affection amassed to create a broken heart. My heart.

"Fuck," I grasped out at the scene and at the realization that I may be in love with Blair Waldorf. Fearing the worse, Serena pushed pass me to see what I was looking at.

"Oh my god," she with her hand covering her mouth trying to comprehend what was happening.

* * *

I picked at my dress as I waited in the elevator wondering if this outfit was not appealing enough. Shaking off the thoughts about my looks, I knew I needed to get into Queen Mode. Nate needed to pay for all the damage he has done to my reputation. If he thinks a half-heartened apology is going to make me forgive him, he is surely wrong. Opening the door, I tried to will the anger I felt for him this weekend to return. I entered the room to find him seated on the coach sipping a scotch in way that he must have learned from Bass himself.

"You summoned me," I said sarcastically when I closed the door. My hands are crossed over my chest as I stand never attempting to sit down.

"Blair… look last night was chaos. I never meant to do that to you. I just got so drunk and those pictures Blair. Fuck. Blair, my mother was in a heaping mess and I did not know what to do. She thought they were from her father but I knew it was a Waldorf move if I saw it," he told me. I could see Anne crying as she saw the photos in my mind and the guilt was biting at me as I connected it to my own melt down. I walked over to the bar to see what the Basses had stocked.

"Nate, your parents will get over this. Affairs are a common hurdle to jump through for married people," I scoffed trying to pass the blame off me. Never looking at him fearing my guilt would be visible.

"Blair it is more than that," he said, then remained silent. I busied myself making a screwdriver over my usually martini. I was trying to keep the brunch theme going.

"What is more than that?" I asked my back still turned to him.

"Blair," he voice was pleading and sad. I turned to look at him. My first love, saint Nate who was perfect in my eyes for six years but that was all ruined in days. "My dad also has a coke problem which those pictures also exposed…. When my mom received the photos, she yelled at my father about him sneaking around and doing coke. He admitted thinking she knew that he was in and out of outpatient rehab and thought himself a sex addict. She broke down." I sat down across from him as he continued his story looking down at his shoes. "She told me that the feds are investigating him. Apparently, the recession is hitting him hard and he doesn't have the money that my mother's family does. He cut some corners and the feds are looking to investigate him…. And I don't know what to do," when his voice cracked I placed my hand on his knee to comfort him. All the anger I felt at him disappeared. The need I felt to protect those around me.

Nate was there for me in his own way when my father left my mother. He was there once after an episode and tried to take care of me. He seemed more scared about it and always shied away from conversations afterword but he tried whenever I told him about seeing my therapist. He was there the first time a bully pushed me in the park at five. All the trips to the Vanderbilt family home, dinners, parties, sneaking around with Serena and Nate in the Hamptons were only the tips of the memories we shared. I could see he was hurting in a way that he never before had.

"Nate, I am so sorry. I never meant for those photos to have this effect on you," I admitted. I never wanted Nate's image of his family to explode. I knew that his father's actions were his own but Nate would have never discovered this without Anne's meltdown. Most importantly, he would not have had to deal with discovering this all on the same day. I thought back to the way I felt after my father left my mother. I would never wish that on anyone.

"It was an Anne meltdown like you have never seen," he said.

"Oh Anne," I sad with a sad smile just thinking of it.

"She was yelling at my dad and threatening to change back to her maiden name. And then yelling at me to denounced the Archibald bloodline," he sadly sad.

Grabbing his hand, I said, "Nate, I totally understand why you got drunk last night and the anger you directed at me. I only wish you could have told me all of this sooner."

"I know. I am sorry about everything too Blair. You really are one of my closest friends. I so sorry for calling you a bitch and anything else I called you last night. Most of all I am sorry for Serena. I was drunk and a stupid boy,"

"You wanted her over me…" I told him.

He grabbed my hand in his. His hand was interlaced with my hand comfortably as it always had and I watched his eye begin to gloss. "Blair. I am so sorry. It was a onetime mistake. I was interested in the idea of something new and different. I wanted to rebel against my family. But I was wrong. So wrong, Blair. You have been for me in every way. There is no one on earth that I can speak to more easily than you. Blair, you are my rock. The only person I have ever loved," he told me. Our eye contact was intense and I when I thought he was going to kiss me I finally turned away and took a large sip of my drink.

"Nate… you… you broke my heart," I finally confessed.

"Oh, Blair," he said as he kissed my hand and held it to his face. "I know you may never forgive me but I promise to never hurt you like that again," he said. Internally, I thought I would have to let you in that close for you to hurt me again. My silence showed my lack of belief in.

"We could be friends Blair. If that is all you are willing to be right now, I will take it. But I want you to know that I would fight for you," he confessed. His words thrilled me. The idea that Nate Archibald would want me so badly to fight for me was incredibly wonderful. I looked away still holding his hand. His thumb rubbing circles in mine.

"I told my mother we were having problems and she gave me this," I turned to look at him. There in his hands was a ring box. My eyes widen. There set the Cornelius Vanderbilt engagement ring that belonged to Anne's great-grandfather.

"Nate," I began to say.

"Go try it on," he encouraged me. I placed the drink on the table as I wringed my hands together feeling a bit nervous about the situation. But I was dying to see the ring.

"Nate. I shouldn't," I said.

"Come on you have been dying to try this on for years. Come on, see how it looks on your finger," I must admit I was interested in seeing the ring I dreamed about for so long on my finger. It might be my only chance. I held out my hand for him to place the ring on smiling as he slipped. It seemed so surreal like everything I ever wanted was coming into place. I began to move my hand about to examine the ring. It truly was beautiful, a representation of the Vanderbilt family that reigned for so long in New York. Their oil money is almost all gone but their name important and cemented in this city in locations as if the Whitney and Grand Central station that come to mind. Like my own last name Waldorf, that still bares it name on one of the most iconic hotels in the city. The tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized how close I was to my fairytale. As Nate worked his way to the ground to stand one knee his hand still holding mine looking up at me. I grasped when I realized the clarity of the situation.

"Blair, I know this probably seems crazy. I know we aren't even dating. But looking at you right now with this ring on your finger the way it was supposed to always be I realized that this is what I want. Blair you never have to take this ring off again and we could be the perfect couple that I know we are meant to be. I am not asking you to marry me just yet but a promise. I won't stray anymore or be so distant. I will work to deserve you again. I know we are perfect together" With tears now falling from my eyes and my heart thumping I tried to find the words to say what I needed to say but all that I could think of was _perfection_.

* * *

A.N: About this chapter, **please review** and let me know what you think. There is a lot in this chapter. I really would like to know how people felt about S knowing of C's feelings, N's proposal, C's realization of his love for B and B's belief that C rejected her. But seriously tell me what you think about anything.

I know people might be upset with the way it was left and the proposal coming out of left field. However, I assure you I think the proposal suits Nate's mindset now. Ahhhh sometimes I really want to write in his POV. Blair is his only girlfriend at this point and I do think he loves her however; he is also a self-centered teenager that is trying to protect his family. She is a part of his world when he thought his life was perfect before his father's problems surfaced and like Blair, he is trying to grasp on to that like a lifeboat in a sinking ship. On top on that, he believes that this engagement would save his family. The Archibald pressure on Nate to marry Blair is on the top shittiest things the UES parents have done on this show to me. (Besides Lily having a teacher arrested but hey, she did do that to protect her child and Bart trying to kill Chuck, which in my mind was not actually real because coming back from the dead in a haunted mansion brothel orgy was such a shitty storyline while Anne and the Captain only had their own interest at heart).

In addition, I needed something that would push Chuck into realizing the scope of his affections for Blair. In the show, it takes months before he say the three words and eight letters. He also really acts when he sees Blair with someone else so to fit his character I needed the fear of Blair being engage to make him actually realize this.


	9. Love & Marriage

A.N: Sorry the daily in posting but I have had trouble writing from Chuck's POV which is why there is little of him in this chapter. Overall not a lot of Chair in this and they have not really processed anything that happened in the last chapter. Sorry for the lack of footnotes and review responses in the last chapter but I just wanted to put that chapter out there as soon as possible. I was no entirely confident with it and just wanted feedback sooner rather than later. That being said a special thank you to all that review. It really is helpful to me to think things through and I love it when people challenge the character and point out anything they may feel OC. It really challenges me to try to explain or further explore the character.

However, in my rush I failed to mention the alteration to the brunch I was making. The brunch had an hour of appetizer's and mingling before a sit down brunch with a cocktail hour after. I also notice that I failed to name Blair's therapist in the previous chapter. I could have sworn that I named her but it seems that the final chapter that went up did not so her name is .

In addition, I failed to response to reviews from non-members for the past two chapters. Thank you to all the guest reviewers. To super-guest, I also enjoyed Blair trying to seduce Chuck in the show and don't worry that storyline is not over. I hope you enjoyed the NJBC encounter even they are tension filled and sometimes awkward. I did watch 2x10 as soon as you mentioned it in an earlier review. Thank you. Alisha, I am happy that you enjoyed the last chapter and are hopefully happy with the ring situation in this one.

* * *

 _When it comes to marriage, one woman is as good as the next. And even the least accommodating is less trouble than a mother._

 _Dangerous Liaisons (1988)_

" _How did your relapse make you feel?"_

" _Disgusting. Gross but mostly weak," I confided to my therapist, Dr. Cohen._

" _You know that this relapse does not mean failure. It is a step in the journey to recovery. I think we should start weekly sessions again." I looked out the window annoyed at the whole encounter. We were on the fifth overlooking a midtown street. The soundproofing in the room failed to bring any of the city noises into the city. I wanted to so bad to hear the hooking of traffic and the voices of people. Right now, I felt incredibly alone in the world. Voiceless, joyless. I knew I needed help but I felt so uncomfortable asking. The silence was overpowering and I could not find any words to express myself._

" _Last time we met Blair we talked about Serena leaving town and you needing a new support person. You were planning to tell Nate. How did that go?" I looked back at her knowing the half hour would go quicker if I talked. Her question took me back to what was happening almost eleven months ago._

" _He seemed extremely uncomfortable talking about the encounter. So I never really brought it up again… Honestly, it made me feel weaker telling him. He seemed so surprised about the situation and suddenly I felt like I was apologizing to him about it. For a while, eating a meal with him made me feel like I was taking a test. Like he was watching every move and every bite. I felt like a sideshow," I told her as my voice crack. I poured myself a glass of water from the glass table. Once again, look at the bookshelf against the wall rather than her._

" _Blair, can I ask you however do you feel about the breakup?" I whipped my neck to glare at her, as if she was a fool. Obviously, I was upset about the breakup._

" _I think that is clear," I glared at her hoping she could see her foolishness._

" _Okay. So you and Nate broke up because he slept with Serena which hurt you, I understand that. How do you feel about the relationship being over removed from the affair?" She asked. I knew she was only going to continue to find ways to ask the same question. I shifted in my sit._

" _I don't know. I mean Nate was easy and was the picture perfect life that I always wanted. Now without that I feel like I am missing that guy on my arm that I need to complete me." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized how weak they sounded. I blushed._

" _Were things easy with Nate?" she asked which sounded like the same question yet again._

" _Yes… I guess. I mean sometimes it was tedious waiting for him to do things that I wanted to do or trying to have conversations with him. Often I felt too embarrassed to express my needs in a real conversation with him and it was just easy to demand things. I found myself never knowing if he would pick up a phone call and wondering if he would be there for me if I truly needed. I also felt like he had this image of me in his mind for so long that I could not disappoint him with the things I did. I often had to hide my schemes from him because he is too nice for that. He never understood why I wanted to be Queen. He would kinda chuckle about it when I talked about it like it was frivolous. So I guess it was easy in the sense that I never really felt suffocated by him but I never felt like I could be me with him. I was always Nate's girlfriend never just Blair Waldorf ," I took a deep breath as I watched her take notes. I realized I felt okay. I felt good with the breakup. Well not good but better than I expected at this point._

" _It sounds like you are really introspective about this Blair. I think that is important for you to not only focus on the surface level of this event. Do you still feel like you need that perfect life with Nate or anyone else? You mentioned a guy on your arm to complete you, do you still want that?"_

" _I don't know. I can think about it and come back to you," I told her. Honestly, my own words surprised me. I always thought of myself as a strong. A man to complete me went against that. Half a person without another was not the person I wanted to be._

" _Okay. Blair this word perfect continues to pop up, we talked about how hard it is in the past to live up to that word," she reminded me._

" _I know. I know. It is just that image is everything in my life. But you are right there is no such thing as perfection and I know it is dangerous for my recovery to try to achieve it as such. My fantasy can almost never live up to the reality"_

Perfection was no longer my goal. I stared the ring that vintage ring that remained in the Vanderbilt family for hundred years. I knew the story like as well as anyone knows the Disney princess stories. I grew up listening to Anne talk about her many greats grandfather Cornelius Vanderbilt and how the ring was the symbols of the Vanderbilt wealth. She would talk about the time when the Vanderbilts were the city's major insiders. They would host over the top parties, donate to all the right charities, race yachts, cars, and horses. Then it all fell away into nothing. But she talked of their contributions to society Vanderbilt University, the Whitney museum, the Biltmore, the Breakers and of mansions on fifth avenue as if they still own them or as if she actually seen them all (1). Like Anne's stories, my fairytale with Nate was no longer real. The Vanderbilt fortune was mostly gone and while spoken with great nostalgia of a time before tax codes and government regulation it was no longer possible. I was too old for fairytale of mansions a block long on millionaire's row on Fifth Avenue. I could not get back on this merry go round with Nate. Who knew when I would ever get off?

The door of the suite opened and before Nate or I could react, Serena and Chuck were looking in at us. I looked over at the doorway where Chuck and Serena stood and back to Nate and then back to them. Chuck expression was unreadable while Serena with her hand covering her mouth, the picture of surprise. It was Chuck standing there looking empty and vulnerable that shocked me to my feet. But I did not know what to do other than stare into his eyes. I watched them go from sadness to anger in a matter of seconds. Suddenly I felt dizzy with the realization that Chuck cares for me. Chuck cares probably than friendship and more than sex. Suddenly I sat right back down in my seat. I felt a hand on my knee and I looked at Nate who was now sitting next to me. I wiped the corners of my eye to rid the tears that were there.

"I can't Nate. I don't feel that way for you," I whispered softly to him in the hopes that our friends did not have to hear the rejection. He said nothing as he stood and nodded sadly.

"Are you guys engaged?" Serena finally asked. She looked confused and mostly sick. Chuck's mask was back on his face and he looked the picture of indifference. Yet, even from here, I noticed the tightness of his jaw and his refusal to look at me. Rather he was staring down Nate. Nate was staring at Serena. He opened his mouth once to speak, then closed it, and then opened again.

"No. I was just trying it on." All of the sudden the weight of the Vanderbilt ring felt heavy on my hand. The silence in the room was heavy. My air felt restricted and looked back at Nate because looking at Chuck was becoming too confusing. "We called a truce," I said giving Nate a smile. He smiled back.

"Well that calls for celebration," Chuck said as he walked towards his bar. Nate rolled his eyes but I see the tension in his body.

"Come on lets drink to being single, young, and fucking rich," Chuck said with his back to Nate and I.

"Chuck is right. This is the first time we have all been in the same room in over a year," Serena using her overly happy voice that sounded forced to me. The tension in the room was not going anywhere. Too many things were left unspoken and no one wanted to. I stood up to join them Nate followed with his head down. His cheeks were reddening and I knew I probably embarrassed him by my rejection.

"Pour me a double," Nate added and I looked at him in surprise. He was not usually the heavy drinker and I saw him with a scotch already today.

"There is my man, single Nate," Chuck added and stared right at Nate as he passed him the drink. The two boys continue to glare at each other in a childish staring contest. Despite what Chuck told me earlier there was no way that these two were cool. There was clearly something happening and I believed it was over me. Suddenly my inside began flopping around and I needed this to stop.

"I should hate you all," I said I grabbed the shot S handed to me while I tried to lessen the tension.

"But you don't," Serena laughed obviously trying to do the same.

"We should probably all hate each other," Nate added glaring at Chuck. Chuck's smirk was on his face again and he had yet to look at me.

"A toast," Chuck offered raising the shot glass. "To being young" he nodded at Serena, "too being too pretty for your own damn good" he smirked at Nate "and finally truly single," he said as he looking right at me. Did he mean he would take me up on all my offers now? I threw the shot back but the burning of the liquid did nothing to stop the butterflies I felt.

Off my game, I coughed slightly as I grabbed the chaser and tossed it back. "You okay?" Nate asked as he placed his hand on the small of my back and I nodded. His hand on me suddenly felt heavy on my shoulder.

My phone ringing did not allow me to answer as I walked over to my purse to see it was my mother calling. I looked over at my friends and debated answering. Serena had her back turned to Nate and Chuck scrolling through his phone. Nate was staring off into the distance Chuck was staring right at me. I felt bare under his gaze. I shuffled slightly my feet deciding that my mother was probably easier to deal with right now.

"Blair, where in god's name did you head off to?" she asked. I realized that I had been gone quite a while at this point. Shit. "I barely wanted to attend this event but you did so we came. I told you I wanted to introduce you to some friends. Are you with that Bass boy? I haven't seen him in a while either. Blair are you with" she began her rant and I needed to stop her.

"No. Yes, but I am also with Serena and Nate," I tried to explain.

"Blair come back to the brunch, now," she said. I felt her anger through the phone and I grimaced. "The sit-down portion of the brunch is beginning and if you are not back say bye bye to Paris Fashion week," she told me.

"I am coming," I replied before I ended the call.

Looking back at the bar, I found only Chuck. He was looking at me with a lazy look about him as he perched over a barstool. He tossed his head to the left to alert me to look that way. I turned my head to the doorway to see Nate and Serena having a hushed conversation. It seemed as if she was trying to leave and he was stopping her. All of the sudden I felt confused and slightly stupid for not remembering that Nate wanted to be with Serena only a few days ago.

"We should go back," I announced loudly still looking their way. They glanced up and Nate released Serena's arm, which he was grabbing on to. Serena opened the door and we followed her out in silence.

I felt like I was the only one missing a part of the story. The elevator doors were just closing when Nate gasped "Blair the ring." Looking down at my finger, I realized I was still wearing the Vanderbilt heirloom.

"Shit," I muttered as I tried to pull it off but it was stuck. Holy fuck. "It won't come off," I said in what was no doubt a whine.

"Don't pull to hard B. Your fingers might swell," Serena offered. We were now on the 10th floor and descending.

"My fingers don't swell," I yelled. "They are dainty. I swear!"

"Use your spit as a lubricant. Or I can spit" Nate suggested. Fifth floor the doors opened as I pulled and pulled on the ring. I watched in horror as Nate gathered spit in his mouth. Chuck held his hand up to the guest and told them to take the next one.

"If you dare spit at me Nate I will chop all your hair off," I threaten. He swallowed and nodded.

"We can grab butter at the brunch. That should work," Chuck offered. Finally someone with a brain. The doors opened at the lobby and I was planning to walk to the bathroom and send one of them for butter when there stood Eleanor. I stopped halfway out of the elevator. She was about twenty feet away studying us. How could I even explain this to her? She knew all about Nate and Serena what would she even think of my for being with the both of them? She hated Chuck. She wanted me back with Nate and this ring would send her the wrong message. I felt like I was losing control all over again when suddenly a hand came to my shoulder.

"Breathe, Waldorf," Snapped me from my thoughts. I grasped for air not realizing I needed it. Chuck was looking at me concerned.

"You were as pale as a ghost. Just cover your hand," he whispered. His hand moved towards the small of my back as he guided me to my mother.

She had a puzzled look on her face as I made my way to her. I knew I needed to get myself together before she sniffed out a scandal.

"You did not have to wait out here for me mother," I said with a smile as I greeted her. Nate and Serena had walked slightly ahead just in my view. They seemed to renew their conversation from earlier while Serena continued to glance back at me.

"I thought we were here to attend brunch. I just wanted to make sure that you arrived back on time," she told me but she was continuing to glare at Chuck. I grasped tightly on the ring finger of my left hand. Every second that past only made me feel as if the ring got tighter and tighter with everyone who is anyone in the UES only a room away. What would they even say about this?

"We were just heading back in Mrs. Waldorf. I could escort you ladies in," Chuck offered with a polite smile. He could really be charming when necessary. My mother smiled tightly and I knew she was not buying it. She disliked men like the Basses purely on principle. While raised as an upper-east princess herself her trust fund did not really take farther than the overhead for Waldorf Designs and she worked for largely for her own money before meeting my father. Now after my father's scandal she received a large undisclosed settlement and the penthouse. Yet, rather than retire on it she considered herself a working women and hated the Upper East Men who trolled around dating her models.

"Thank you but I would like to speak to Blair alone for a moment. If you could excuse us," she told him purposefully trying to push him away.

I looked up at him wanting to say something needing to say something. I looked at him hoping my eyes could say more than my words. Thank you for trying to help ground me. Thank you for being here and not walking away but why are you here. Why are you constantly there? Why did you look so hurt when you opened that door? "See you in a bit Chuck," was all I said. He nodded before he walked away over to Serena and Nate and then they all walked back up the lobby stairs and onto the second floor to the Villard Ballroom (2).

"I thought we discussed this Blair," she all but hissed at me.

"We, all four of us were talking things through. Nothing was happening," I told her all the while grasping onto my ring finger. I often used my hands to speak and I needed to ensure that they stay in front of me hidden by my other hand.

"I requested that you be moved to my table. I did not want to leave you alone with Chuck and I did not know that you were talking again to Serena and Nate. I do hope this means that there is a possibility of a reunion with Nathaniel, dear. He really is a much better candidate than the Bass boy," she told me in a cheery voice as if she was not suggesting I pick a science project partner rather than reconcile with my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me.

"Mom, there is nothing going on. There is no reason to worry," I smiled politely hoping that this would all be over soon.

"Blair. I am serious. A women's reputation," was her final warning to me. I knew that the advice since she ingrained it to me years before 'the reputation of a woman may also be compared to a mirror, shinning and bright, but liable to be sullied by every breath that comes near it' (3). I nodded at her acknowledging how easily Chuck could ruin me in my mother's eyes. We were in a different era and time. A woman can move pass her reputation, right? I thought back to Serena and the labels that were stuck to her I grimaced which earned a smile from my mother. She knew she had made her point. "Let's return. I want to introduce you to my meet Lauren Remington Platt she is attending Columbia and we really must stop Georgina Bloomberg from boring her with politics. And the Astor's have arrived and are thoroughly wasted in horrible pattern mixing," she gossiped as she walked back to the room (4).

"Let me guess, white, and neon yellow with a floral?" I joked right back.

"Ha! So close my dear, white, and scarlet red with a purple floral pattern. Hideous"

* * *

I do not know why I decided to stand by her when we came off the elevator. I just did not know what to think or feel in the moment. To go your whole life confused or unsure of what it meant to be loved or love someone I was I believe understandably confused. Lost even. If my father's annual brunch was not occurring now than I would have probably found my way to a midtown bar to lose myself before these feelings took over. But the events of the day demanded that I was in fact in need of my full mental and motor controls. Especially around Nate. What the fuck is happening with him and his sudden attitude. This crafty and unkind man was a shell of my best friend. Nate was always my other half my opposite in every way. In the face of all my darkness, he was the charming prince that led me out of drunken clubs and midtown trashy venues. Yet here he was hurting Blair. Fucking Blair. I wanted to cruse myself for even thinking her name. For wanting her. For fuck sake loving her. Was this actually love? How could I even know? I never truly experienced this this thing. so how would I know. What even was the point? As if she would ever love me, back. It was a foolish thought by a silly boy. No, I could not would not love her.

Then stepping off that elevator with a panicked Blair a few feet away from an angry Eleanor I felt the need to protect Blair. The need was instant animal even for I had no control over myself and yet I was doing exactly what I knew I needed to do. Eleanor stood there with an angry and upset look. Hand on her hip waiting for Blair who was freaking out over the Vanderbilt ring that was stuck to her finger. I could not even glance at the ring without a sickening feeling take over my insides. Was it stuck because it was a sign that it belonged there? No Blair wanted that ring off. She was near passing out now. There was no way in hell that she needed to keep that ring on her finger. No way it belonged. Her pale face was a clear sign of distress. Frankly, I was fearful in that moment that she would revert to throwing up with all the scandals that were occurring this past week. Maybe she already had. For that reason I needed to protect her from her mother like I had on Wednesday. I was convinced that she in fact was a major source of her Blair's problems. The women worked in the fashion industry for God sake. Blair was gorgeous but was not talk so her mother did not seem to appreciate it. Yet I knew beauty when I saw it. As a man who bedded dozens of models, ballerinas and celebrities I knew beauty. And Blair was fucking magnificent. So I told her breathe and walked her over to her mother. The simple act of placing my hand on my back told me what I needed to know I was most definitely in love with Blair Waldorf. I hope she did not yet know. I felt the anger radiated off Eleanor. I wanted to stay when Eleanor dismissed me but I knew I needed to leave her with her mother. Instead, I walked towards Serena and Nathaniel hoping to break up their heated conversation. They should not be speaking so much in public after their affair.

"Decide what you want, Nate. Cause right now I don't even know who you are." I heard Serena harshly tell him. It did not take a rocket scientist to know what she meant. He looked at me and remained silent. I was more than aware that my friendship with Nathaniel was changing. He went from being one of the most important people in my life to now that spot was in question. We were both aware of it but curious to how it was going to change us.

"We should get inside," I told them and tried to remain calm about the issue. Both nodded at me and silently returned.

"Serena make sure to grab the butter off one of the tables and grab Blair as soon as possible," I told Serena as we were entering the Villard Foyer.

We were just about to enter the white oval Villard Ballroom with the Greco-Roman details in the columns around the room. The windows were opened to the courtroom letting in the light and providing a view to the courtyard at the businessmen who were smoking cigars pre-brunch. I knew from experience that million dollar deals were being cultivated and even more was probably being lost. Inside wealthy women and men were probably contemplating affairs and divorces while fools thought of love. The models that were posed as marble statues for the theme were holding there poses. In the morning I selected a few that I wanted to sleep with however now they seemed as untouchable as the statue of David itself. I saw the table with Kati and Iz that were supposed to be seated at along the window furthest from the interior party. My father would seat me with my friends away from the men from Bass Inc. Seconds before I could step inside Nate grabbed my arm to stop me

"I think we should talk. Bogie break?" He asked gesturing towards the entrance to the courtyard (5). Serena acknowledged what he said with a wink in my direction. What the fuck did that mean? Did she tell him about Blair and me? Was it encouragement?

We stepped out into the courtyard in silence as I pulled my vintage diamond Chanel cigarette holder from my inside breast pocket. I was not a smoker usually but when the mood called, I always had that case on hand. It belonged to my mother and I treasured it. She must have been a lady who demand attention with this. I flashed the case towards Nate for him to grab a gold flake cigarette imported from India. Internally I winced as he grabbed one knowing Nathaniel would pull too hard and not enjoy the tobacco. Nathaniel is the type to never see that he has a good thing right in front of him. Only after I lite up the cigarettes did he finally ask me what was up.

"Nothing. Everything is fine. No worries," I said trying to brush him off with a sly smirk.

"I am not an idiot," he said and I raised an eyebrow to question that. "You knew I wanted to be alone with her and you showed up," he explained.

I took a drag to disguise that I was taking time to think. "Her mother was asking about her," I lied.

"You brought Serena up with you. What the fuck. You know how I feel about her," he all but stomped his feet like a child with a tantrum.

"Feelings for who, Nathaniel? Cause two seconds ago you wanted Blair to marry you and wanted to fuck Serena a few days ago. Actually you saw her today probably before you came to my suite, so maybe you still do?" I told him smoothly hoping not to convey too much emotion. I clenched and unclenched my hand however unable to stop the anger that was coursing through me.

"You are supposed to be my friend. Bros before hoes," he even sounded sleazy when he said it.

"Nathaniel we have all been friends for years. I love you like a brother but at the end of the day I rather live in a scenario were we all don't destroy each other. Right now, you are setting up for an epic Serena and Blair battle with yourself in the middle. I do not want to be caught in those crossfires. There would be no fun in that scandal," I told him.

"I am not trying to cause a scandal. I don't know what I want. Blair said no. It wasn't a proposal. It was a promise ring." He ran his hand through his hair and took a long drag. "I am trying to fix things. I told Serena right now I can't date her or be with her. I need to focus on Blair at the moment," he explained. A day ago, I would have believed him but now I found no truth to his words.

"I thought she said no?" I asked as I stubbed out the cigarettes forcefully hoping to relieve my anger.

"She did but I think wearing the ring today is going to cement her dream of being my wife," he smirked at me. Did Nate planned this? No there is no way he would know the ring would be too small, right?

"If you say so," I shrugged hopping we could go back inside.

"Trust me I know Blair. Wearing that ring is going to show her what we have and she shouldn't throw it away."Of course, I wondered it was indeed true. If we did not walk into that room would see had said yes. I saw the tears in her eyes and I needed to know if they were from happiness or not.

"She does not need another scandal so soon," I tried to get to see things my way.

"I don't see how it concerns you," he replied as he puffed up his chest and straighten his back. I rolled my eyes and fiddled with my lighter. I did not respond to his statement. I could not explain any of this to him before I knew for myself.

"You are right I don't care. We're good?" I asked after the long pause. Nate looked to be deciding if we were or not for a moment.

"I think so. You don't have feelings for..." I arched my eyebrow as if to ask was he serious. "Nah okay. Come on." He said smiling. I breathed a sigh of relief with the knowledge that Serena did not tell him anything.

Unfortunately, when Blair came back in moments after Nate and me she was glued to her mother and her hands were glued to each other. I could not help but smirk at the image of Blair walking around with her hands in front of her body as if she was a young schoolgirl. I was sitting with Serena, Nate, Kati and Iz. Serena was sitting to Nate's left, there was empty seat next to him where Blair was supposed to sit, then me, then Kati, then Iz, then two girls from Chapin who was sitting next to Serena. I suppose it was regarded as the young adult table. Making eye contact with Serena both raised out eyebrows at each other worried about the prolonged time that Blair was at the bar.

"We are sitting next to each how wonderful. I was just moved here unexpectedly," Penelope said as she sat next to Nate with a glass of white Sangria. I barely noticed the Blair wannabee at the bar prior. "Makes sense though why Blair would not want to sit by certain people at this table."

I realized she was no longer sitting at our table when I watched her take a seat right next to her mother. Brunch was being to be served as the staff moved around delivering a light brunch after the filling appetizer spread. I want to groaned when I realized Blair would not occupy the seat to my right and I had to sit next to Penelope. It must have been her mothers' doing. Blair glanced over to our table fear on her face as she kept her left hand hidden on her lap. I knew every minute she had that ring on her finger was a risk especially with all the socialites in the vicinity who would instantly recognize the ring as a pre-war antique and make the connection to the Archibald/Vanderbilt family quickly if they knew of Nate and Blair's prolonged relationship. Nate seemed cool in comparison as he chatted with Penelope who looked like she wanted to jump on him. Serena tried and failed to maneuver herself into their conversation but failed. I ignored everyone until I heard Blair's name mentioned by Penelope.

"So you guys are like really over?" she asked as she twirled her hair and showed off her overly large teeth.

"Umm… well it is complicated," Nate offered and I rolled my eyes.

"Well maybe you should have put a ring on it," she said and instantly my stomach dropped. Why would she even mention a ring? What was her end game? Serena dropped her water glass right onto Penelope's lap.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry," Serena as she stood up and tried to wipe her yellow and white dress as Penelope only turned redder and redder in each passing moment. She quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. I nudged Nate hoping to pull his attention.

"I think she knew something," I whispered to him.

"Nah she wouldn't have flirted with me if she thought we were engaged or something," he did not whisper back and all the girls in the table looked up at him.

"Oh look, caviar!" Serena all but yelled out trying to grab the attention. Juvenile, S. I debated between poking Nathaniel with the butter knife or Serena for her foolish attempts.

"Ladies, have you heard my dear friend Nathaniel is single and is currently on the market for a new lover. I am sure he would love to spend some time getting to know you," I said trying to diffuse the situation and when they all smiled back, I knew I had won their attention. I invited them to hang out with us later this week.

* * *

I needed this ring off my finger. Now. The anxiety was building as I sat at the table and picked at the foie gras on my plate as I tried to listen to my mother go on and on about trying to find the right model for her fall commercial campaign for her ready to wear line. I smiled politely as I tried to feign interest. But the ring on my finger felt as if it was tightening. It was as if it was cutting off my circulation of my entire hand at this point and I was crazy to take it off. I tried to pull at it once again under the napkin that I placed on my lap. If anything, it felt tighter. Tapping my foot, I looked over at where Serena, Nate, and Chuck were seated when Penelope screamed and fled from the table. If she could go to the bathroom then so could I with of course a lot more grace.

"If you could excuse me," I said after I stood and clutched my hands in front of my self. I felt quite childish as I did. I made sure to walk in front of Serena's line of vision and she nodded at me to join my exit to the bathroom. She joined me out in the Villard Foyer.

"Serena, please tell me you have something to take this off. I am at the point where I would allow you to chop it off. Cornelius Vanderbilt be damned," I whispered to her.

"Got it but lets use a further bathroom. We don't want the same one as Penelope. I think she saw the…" Serena whispered to me.

I groaned as I raised my hands in the air as I thought of her knowing. "Blair!" Serena yelled as she grabbed my exposed left hand and pulled me from the foyer. I could not even think about one of the girls at school thinking I was engaged to Nate or anyone for that manner. Not after everything Nate has done to me, they would think I was weak for going back to him.

We entered the smaller bathroom and after ensuring that it was, indeed empty Serena opened her bag and pulled out the butter that was wrapped in a cloth napkin.

"Here," she said as she headed me the full stick of butter wrapped in the white linen cloth.

"Did you think we were going to bake or something in here?" I asked her as I grabbed the stick and pinched some off to rub against my finger.

"I was nervous. I don't know how bad your fat fingers were stuck," she laughed.

"My fingers are not fat!" I yelled back as I shimmied the ring off my finger. Finally, the weight of the Vanderbilt ring was gone. With it off and in the palm of my hand, I suddenly realized how light the ring actually was.

"Blair?" Serena broke my attention and I looked up at her in confusion.

"Yes? Oh wait, are you sure about Penelope?" I asked remembering what she had just mentioned.

"I don't she made a comment about putting a ring on it," Serena shrugged. I groaned as I carefully placed the heirloom on the counter and washed the butter of my fingers. I knew that P wanted the throne and while incredibly rich, she did not have the support to take over my place. Even with this information, it was hardly great blackmail material.

"I will bring her down a notch or two at school tomorrow," I told Serena as I dried off and picked up the ring to return it to Nate. I was ready to walk out of the bathroom when Serena stopped me.

"Wait. Blair are you really okay with you and Nate? Is this really what you want? Cause for years you coveted the ring," Serena asked with concern. The worry was clearly displayed on her face. I tried to determine the source of the worry but I was not sure entirely that I wanted to know answer.

"Yes. Oh my god even more so now, I don't know but wearing that ring. I realized that I did not want that anymore. It was a childish dream and I know now that I do not want it anymore. I am so ready to take on a new chapter in my life," I explained to her.

"Are you sure? Blair, I know sometimes you pretend things are okay and you get overly excited about things" Serena began but I cut her off quickly.

"Serena I am okay. Trust me. Nate and I are over. For good."

"So what about Chuck?" she asked.

"No. I don't know," I tried to explain. "I cannot really think about this now," I whispered to her.

"Later?" she continued to pester on. "After brunch why don't you come on up to my room. I still need to organize my closet and we both know how much you love organizing and telling me what to do," she teased.

"Okay, I will come up after," I promised. I stepped around her and walked out of the bathroom into the foyer right in Chuck Bass.

"Chuck," I grasped afraid that he might have overheard something. I could tell nothing from the smirk on his face.

"Hello ladies. I have been sent on an errand to retrieve the Vanderbilt ball and chain," he smirked as he held out his hand.

"What did Nate did not want to face me?" I asked as I laughed and handed off the ring.

"I think he was afraid to face the both _of you_ ," Chuck said with a chuckle. I knew he was trying to insinuate something however, I was not fully certain about what he meant.

"Let's head back," Serena urged before I could go ask any questions.

I was more than happy when brunch was coming to an end. I informed my mother that I planned to stay and speak to Serena after brunch. She made sure to pull me aside to remind me about my reputation and I tried not to roll my eyes when I ensured her that I understood. The room was almost entirely cleared out besides a few eager business people who were sucking up to Bart Bass. A few others who were enjoying the open bar and fresh fruit spread. I was now sitting in an empty table with Serena sharing a New York cheesecake while sipping on Prosecco. Chuck came and sat across from us with a plate that had two eclairs.

"I do believe I reserved these for you and you have yet to try them," he said smoothly as he sipped on a scotch.

"I'll have one if you have the other," I smiled back at him hoping I seemed friendly. I really wanted to speak to him about today. I was not sure yet what I wanted to say to him or what I needed to say to him. I knew that I needed to say something. He looked hurt when he walked in on Nate and I am I wanted to find out what I meant. I knew that assuming too much or trying too hard with Bass would just lead me to be burned.

"Of course, after you princess," he joked as he grabbed one. I grabbed the other one and could not helped but smile for some reason. That is the thing about Chuck he made me smile without trying. Hold it together, Blair. I bite into the soft pastry letting the lavish cream fill into my mouth that was divine. I licked the side of my mouth to ensure I did not leave any cream on my face. Chuck's was looking at me with dark eyes as he stopped short of biting the éclair. Our eyes were locked as my tongue dabbed the right side of my mouth.

"So where is your better half, Chuck?" Serena said breaking our silence and made me shift my gaze.

"Speaking to his father and returning a certain priceless heirloom to his mother," he said and I found his smirk to be cruel. I sat back and looked away from him towards Serena. I knew he was joking but it was too soon. He excused himself to find a marble model or something. Soon enough the cheesecake was gone and the drinks were finished. Serena and I were just about to leave when a beeping sounded from our phones alerting us to a text message from Gossip Girl.

 _I spy with my little eye caviar, champagne, cheesecake, and classic princess cut diamond rings at this brunch. Seems like our very own Blair Waldorf is engaged to who? Well from the picture attached, I do believe this is the famed Vanderbilt family ring. A Vanderbilt heir and a Waldorf this is a marriage that New York City has been waiting a century to see, I better be on the guest list- XOXO Gossip Girl_

Attached were photos me at the bar with my hand to my side tighten to a fist but the ring was visible against my white eyelet dress. My heart began beating as I thought through what the girls at school would think Monday. Engaged to my cheating boyfriend and talking to Serena yet again would only show me off as weak. I hated it. I knew somewhere deep down it was not the worst news that came my way this week but the embarrassment had me jumping from my seat and quickly exiting the ballroom. Nate and Chuck both approached me from opposite sides in the foyer and reached me at the same time.

"It really is not a big deal Waldorf," Chuck said.

"Are you okay? I am sorry about the blast but we could always announce it as the truth," Nate said smoothly.

"B, we could just go up to my room," Serena offered.

"I don't know I think Blair and me have a lot to discuss," Nate offered and looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"Why don't we all go back to my suite," Chuck suggested quickly after Nate. I looked back and forth between them agitated.

"Everyone please stop talking. Please. I just want to quiet. I want to forget," I all but whined as I bought my heads to my forehead.

"We could get drunk and watch Audrey," Serena suggested.

"No," I looked at Nate. "Do you have weed?" I asked him our resident pothead. Chuck laugh.

"I have some in my suite, let's all go back," Chuck said after he chuckled while Nate looked as usual confused.

"It's been ages since I have seen a buzzed Blair," Serena giggled as we walked to the elevator.

"It's been a hell of a week," I told them honestly.

We got back to Chuck's suite and within moments, the joints were lighted up and passed around. Soon enough we were giggling and laughing together as we talking about the time that Chuck and Nate poured glue on Marylee's dress in third grade on picture day because she wore the same Lily Pulitzer dress as me. Serena then doused her with glitter. After our giggles stopped, Chuck then went to the bar to grab us drinks.

"Scotch anyone?" he asked us.

"No, champagne," I offered. I did not want to be cross-faded and I needed to have a clear head tomorrow (6). Honestly, they all had higher tolerances than I did since I rarely ever got high. My giggles were telling me that I already needed to stop.

"Fine," he came back with the bottle and four glasses. "What are we celebrating?" he asked me.

"To being friends regardless of how much we hate each other," I suggested again.

"Blair, you love us," Serena said laughing.

"I have reason to hate everyone in this room. You slept with him, he slept with you. And Chuck is just a sleaze," I offered.

"True. Blair just broke my heart, Chuck was flirting with my ex girlfriend last night, and Serena turned my life inside out," Nate said as he raised a glass.

"Don't blame me," Serena said, as she blushed red. The tension in the room was back. My buzz was fading and I felt foolish for my joke.

"Hey, lets just cheer to getting Blair to smoke today," Chuck offered as he raised his glass to connect with Nate's and I joined them while looking pleadingly at Serena to just follow along. She did. As we sat back and drank the champagne the silence in the room was broken by a loud band against the door. Chuck stood up and was halfway to the door when we had laughing and the door was opened letting in a stumbling Bart Bass and Lily Van der Woodsen. The silence grew even more awkward as the smell of the weed waffled in the room, as Lily and Bart were silent as Serena yelled gross standing up as well. I looked over at Nate and raised an eyebrow that I hope conveyed my message of 'and we thought our parents had issues'.

"Told you we should have gone with the harder liquor," Chuck drawled out in his bored tone but I could see the corners of lips twitching as he held back a laugh for his father's benefit. He looked proud of Bart getting with Lily the same way that Bart Bass looked earlier today when Chuck tried to stand up to my mother. Suddenly I remembered Chuck's Lily, Anne and Eleanor joke from Wednesday. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was the weed or a combination of all three but I was laughing and it was uncontrollable as the only sound in the room was my laugh. I felt everyone's eyes on me but I could not control myself. So I let go and laughed and laughed.

* * *

1 Vanderbilts were one of the richest families in the Gilded Age all from the wealth that Cornelius Vanderbilt and his son built. Soon the family was well known for its philanthropy. They are also well known for building amazing mansions if you have not visited at least one you should. I was able to see the Vanderbilt Mansion in Hyde Park, New York and it was amazing. They built ten grand mansions on Fifth Avenue that were all demolished, the Biltmore House (the largest privately owned house in America), the Whitney Museum in New York City was founded by Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney (granddaughter of Cornelius), the Breakers (as a summer cottage), and the Vanderbilt University in Nashville. They donated to charities, schools, and hospitals all around America but there money is all but gone now. Anyway, even though the ring and characters are fake their legacy is essential to what Blair is feeling.

2 the Villard Ballroom is located on the second floor of the Palace Hotel. I am unsure which room the brunch is filmed at and I looked over the ballroom images and found that the Villard Ballroom closely matches the room. It sits about 450 for a reception and 320 people for a banquet. You enter the Villard Foyer from the Outside Courtyard and then the Villard Ballroom is to the left and the Reid Salon is to the right.

3 Quote from Miguel de Cervantes.

4 In 2007, Georgina Bloomberg, Michael Bloomberg's daughter would have been in her early twenty. I am sure she is lovely but I wanted to show the circles that they would be around. Laura Remington Platt was the heir of Remington Arms, which was America's oldest gun maker. Remington had to be sold off in 2007 due to debt and Platt soon entered the fashion/beauty world (#2007recession). The Astor's are a famous New York family infamously reported of elder abuse against the family matriarch in 2006.

5 Bogie aka cigarette.

6- Crossfaded means being high and drunk at the same time.

A.N: I enjoyed leaving little nest eggs of information and using small items and memories of my creation to help explore the characters further like the cigarette case. The idea that Chuck would hold a trinket of his mother's close to his heart and it is a feminine trinket helps shows how confident this teenage boy is of himself, how daring he is, and how much he misses the women he never knew just warms my heart for him. I love Eleanor being a boss in this chapter even if she is stopping Chair at the moment but seriously how awkward would it have been for Blair to sit in between Chuck and Nate at brunch. Really, she saved her from an awkward brunch.

Some might see the last couple of chapters as OC for Blair but I needed to let her release some of the pent up emotions that she has. A lot of you suggested that Chuck could help her with that but we are not quite there in the story yet. So a lot of laughter instead that was meant to contrast with the silence she felt in her flashback and throughout this chapter for the most part.


	10. A Poisoned Fool

A.N: I have been super busy. Sorry everyone. But thank you for all the reviews. I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter.

Since many reviews have wanted, a CxB moment but I had not planned to really write until chapter 13 I reworked the outline and was able to fit in a moment in this chapter and the next. I hope that everyone enjoys the teaser. Yay, Posion Ivy episode part I is here! (Most episodes are broken down into two chapters besides the first episode).

Super-guest, I am so happy you enjoyed the NBJC from the last chapter. It was a lot of fun to write bluntness with them in the scenes hopefully there was some fun wit in there for you. If you did ever look at the Palace room sites I would like to let you know, I planned to use other ballrooms for further scenes up and coming.

Alisha I hope you enjoy the brief CxB interaction I wrote in part due to your review.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Gossip Girls or any locations mentioned in this fiction.

* * *

 _Pleasure only starts once the worm has got into the fruit, to become delightful happiness must be tainted with poison.- Georges Bataille_

It was Sunday night and for the first time during my high school career, I was hunched over a bunch of books attempting to do my homework. Usually I paid students to do my homework for me but I was hoping to take my mind off the unfortunate fact that I have fallen in love with a women. Blair Waldorf no less. A part of me wanted to drown myself in alcohol and drugs but I knew I needed to keep a clear head or I would end up at her door drunk and profess myself. This love thing was new and I wanted to determine how much control I had around her. No reason for me to get soft now. But there was something new and tangible about admitting the feelings to myself. I felt my stomach tingling as well as a panging in my heart. It was new. Brand new and I wanted to feel it. It was different… it was warm and sickening at the same time. But whenever I thought about trying to share these thoughts with Blair I instantly wanted to laugh at myself. No, no way Chuck Bass does love. I have never even contemplated a relationship. Is that what I wanted, a relationship? No, I was certain. I turned myself back to my homework. I read Anna Karenina and I was almost done with the calculus homework for the night. I was surprised to find it understandable and doable since I have not done math homework in ages. Nevertheless, linear functions were a piece of cake and a good distraction. I could do a problem or two and stop to think of Blair. I was not ready to go to sleep because every time I closed my eyes for more than two minutes I thought of her rocking against me on my bed. Suddenly knowing the past week she was throwing me the right signals it seemed almost reachable to achieve my fantasy. Only sheer stubbornness was keeping me in my suite.

It was pushing midnight when I heard a loud solid bang on the outside door of the suite. I was walking into the main living room to find the source of the noise but my father was there before me with a clearly annoyed look on his face. I knew he had an early flight to London tomorrow then Beijing. After his embarrassment this afternoon, he was not in the best of moods. Serena had left annoyed and Lily chased after her. Bart gave Blair a chilling look that shut off her crazed laughter. Nate and Blair left soon after. Before she left, she gave me a look that suggested she wanted to talk to me and that worried me. I tried to break the silence with a joke after my friends left.

" _Wanna take a hit of this?" I asked smugly but he did not respond beyond an eye roll. "So, Lily Van derWoodsen?" I said with a smirk. "About time she tried to tie down another New Yorker."_

" _Please respect me in my own home Chuck," he responded to which I rolled my eyes._

" _Sorry you couldn't get laid in your own home," I shot back. I knew I was taking out some of my frustration out at him._

" _You could really think about more than sex Chuck. This coming week at school is ivy week and I worked home to ensure that you are going to be escorting the Yale representative. I am going to be out of town this week. I have business meetings in Europe and Asia. My assistant will send you details. I will be back on Friday for the event if we close the deal on time." He walked away before I could respond but I doubted he cared about what I thought._

When Bart got to the door to reveal a drunken Nate we were both equally surprised. When he stumbled in and fell into my father's arms Bart looked at me in annoyance as if this was my fault. He stumbled backwards half-carrying half-dragging Nate onto the sofa in the sitting area. Bart placed him down carefully on the sofa with more compassion than I ever received from him. He looked at me ready to comment however before he got a chance to speak Nate began hurling on the floor forcing Bart to jump back.

"Chuck, I am going to call security right now. He is making a mess," Bart yelled at me. I was now by Nate's side to make sure that Nate would not asphyxiate on his own vomit. I have been in worse shape so I was not worried about his liquor intake however I never seen him this drunk. In the past week he had been drunk a couple of times. Once he was done throwing up, I attempted to help him up and guide him to the bathroom. I urged him to comply with me but he stumbled over his own feet and we tumbled down a few feet from the bathroom door.

"Chuck this is ridiculous. I am calling his parents!" my father yelled out again.

I was embarrassed annoyed and concern with my best friend. It was almost too much to deal with. Nevertheless, I was aware that calling his parents was a mistake. I knew the trouble he would be in and I needed to stop him. I knew Nate would do all he could to help me if the situation were reversed. "I am handling this," I told him as I made my way to my feet and urged Nate to get up, which he did. Suddenly Nate seemed to understand or at least feel Bart's anger, which translated in him actually moving his feet.

"Chuuuck. Evvvverything is messed up," Nate mumbled to me and he stumbled his way into the bathroom. I told him to sit in front of the toilet just in case he needed to throw back up. Bart was in the doorway still watching us. Nate began throwing up again making Bart angrier.

"I have an early flight. I can't have this continuing. We need to call someone and get him out of here," Bart lectured again.

"Dad! Stop! Go sleep in another one of the hundreds rooms we have!" I yelled hoping that he would stop and let me handle this. It was only after I said it that I realize that I called him dad. In the pause that followed, I refuse to look at my father in the face due to the embarrassment that I felt.

"Okay Chuck. But he passes out call someone okay. Keep him up," he told me. "It is important that you make it to school. The interviews for the ushers are tomorrow. It is pretty much a sure thing but you at least need to show up. Both of you. I am sure the Archibald's won't be happy if Nathaniel misses this," I nodded at him still too embarrassed to speak to him after I called him dad and unsure how to understand his helpfulness. Coupled with my feelings for Blair that I was contemplating and my newfound slight respect for my father I could not handle this now. "Don't disappointment me again," were his last words before he walked back to his bedroom. And there went that respect. I knew no matter what I was going to disappointment him at least once before he returned from aboard. That was a sure thing.

"Shit man…. I am sorry. I don't know what I was think… showing …. here," Nate mumbled as he hugged the toilet his eyes unfocused and dazed. I did not respond. Nate had been on the other end of my drunken behavior for years. Before I was capable of handling my liquor Nate picked me off many floors, took me to the hospital once for alcohol poisoning, and covered for me more times that I even knew. I was just returning the favor. "Did I throw up on Bart Bass?" he mumbled more to himself. I laughed.

"No thankfully Nathaniel you did not," I told him. He seemed to be able to hold his head up so I got up to run quickly to my bedroom to grab a robe and my cigarettes. Sliding the case into my robe, I made my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. When I got to kitchen, I found that my father had already called housekeeping to clean up Nate's mess. I apologized sheepishly to the women cleaning the mess. I knew I had left my fair share of messes in the suite and suddenly a pang of guilt hit me as I thought of all the people who cleaned up after me in my lifetime. When I came back in into the bathroom, I handed him a bottle of mouthwash and a bottle of water. As he listened to my instructions, I slid down and sat on the floor next to him. I lite a cigarette more as a distraction in the moment as I thought about how to sober him up.

"Chuck, thank you," he mumbled quite a few times in the couple of minutes that followed. When he had gone half an hour without throwing up, I escorted him to bathroom that adjoined my bedroom and told him to take a shower. I helped him undress until he was down to his boxer shorts and threw in the shower. Keeping watch to make sure he did not stumble and fall to his death I sat on the counter in the bath while playing a game on my phone.

"she is so beautiful… she smells like vanilla and coconut… pineapple," he was mumbling as I played candy crush on my phone trying to ignore him but not being able to help myself from laughing at his words. "My mom was so mad about Blair. She wants to marry her. She wants me to marry her…. But I don't want to," he explained making more sense than he had a moment ago and I could not help but listen to his words.

"Nathaniel, you don't have to marry her," I piped into his verbal stream of thought.

"I don't want to!" he yelled and I quickly told him to shut up and be quiet. It was past one at this point and I was unsure if my father took another room or not. "She is bad… she is mean. She doesn't smell coconut," he explained about Blair.

"No her hair smells like lilac and lavender mixed with the scent of Dior," I added knowing Nate would never remember this conversation. He shut the water off himself and seemed to be more alert. I wondered if I made an error on his level of sobriety. But when he leaned against the tile and closed his eyes I realized I was safe. I threw him a towel and told him to cover up. After drying his hair, he put a robe on.

Turning quickly he pointed a finger at me. "Purple! Lilac and lavender are purple. You like purple. You like Blair," he said.

"Nathaniel, you may be the only person more astute when drunk," I laughed at him. He laughed back obviously confused but wanting to join in on the joke.

I lead him to sofa that was in my room. I grabbed some more water and some crackers that were in the kitchen for him to munch on. I urged him to eat and drink water as he continued to mumble onwards about Blair, Serena and his parent. I nodded and listened as it became clear to me that he had feelings for Serena and even some for Blair. He went on for much longer about the Captain and Anne and how hurt he was for them. I sympathized with his plight against his parents and I added two-word response when I thought he wanted them. Then he would go on about how I was his best friend and nothing would tear us a part especially not a girl.

"Chuck, you cannot sleep with her. It is against the code. She is mine. I know we broke up but she is mine. She is… I am supposed to marry her," he mumbled. I felt the need to respond and have a conversation about Blair knowing he would reveal more than he should at this moment.

"You two are broken up. She said no today and you want to sleep to with Serena," I knew I was taking advantage of his drunkenness but could not help myself.

"She is. She is very pretty. She does not even know how pretty she is sometimes. She is like a doll all dressed up sometimes. But she is mine. Mine. Even if broke up for now… later… later we will be married. We will have children." While he sounded like a child that wanted to play with a toy in the first half of his speech the second half he sounded like a man who wanted to have a life with Blair Waldorf. That instantly put me on edge. As much as I wanted to think that they are over, I knew that they were always going to have history. Does it make me a horrible friend if I still wanted her, that I yearned for her even now, as Nathaniel sat on my couch talking of children and marriage?

"What if I wanted her?" I pressed him on. He whipped his head dramatically to look at me.

"Nooo!" he pointed his finger at me. "She is not… you cannot. I am her Nate and I protect her. She is not as tough as she pretends when she does her thing. You would break her. Break her… her into pieces… plus she is saving herself for someone special that was me but I didn't. I couldn't have sex with her until I told her about Serena. So no sex with Blair no purpling with her," he told me sternly his hands waving about as he drunkenly tried to explain. The pieces of the conversation that I minced I realized that he thought he was protecting Blair from keeping her from me. He thought I would just use her for sex. The fact that he thought Blair needed protection from me was unsettling and hurtful but true.

I could not help myself as the words spilled out before I knew "What if I have feelings for her?" I mumbled quietly.

I half wished he did not hear my question. His eyes were closed and I thought he was going to doze off before answering my question. I was about to turn off the lights and go to sleep myself when he mumbled. "Chuck doesn't have feelings for girls. He is Chuck Bass."

"Go to sleep Nate," was my only response. Mostly I was tired and wanted to go to sleep already but a part of me was angry with him since he thought me incapable of feelings. It was around two when I finally shut off the lights. When I closed my eyes, I saw Blair and that warmth feeling I felt earlier and the panging in my heart returned.

* * *

 _There's plenty of upside to being the spawn of the fabulously wealthy. But the downside? Super successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. And when it comes to college, that means the Ivys. It's more than just getting into college, it's setting a course for the rest of your life. And for those few who aren't legacies, the pressures are no less. When parents have sacrificed for their children's futures, what kid would want to let them down?- xoxo Gossip Girl_

It was a new week. Sunday was only the end of last week. Monday, this Monday was the beginning and I was excited. Ivy week was here and it had to be perfect. I had put on the perfect outfit today with a retro horseshoe purse, a white ruffled blouse, red tights, and topped it off with a bejeweled bow on my tie to bring the outfit all together. Navy, white, and red always made me feel powerful. Right now, I needed powerful. Last week I had to deal finding out that Nate cheated on me with Serena, the fact that they hide it from me for almost a year, Nate attacking me at my own party, making amends with Serena, dancing with Chuck in a suggestive way, and caught on Gossip Girl with the Vanderbilt engagement ring. On top of all of that I had fell into remission and had a break down in which I destroyed my room. But the picture frames were in and new memories were to be made. So I was headed to school with a smile on my face knowing that the gossip was going to be legendary all while I prep for the Ivy Week reception and made sure to impress the Yale escort. I was going to show them I was queen of this social scene not only for throwing the best parties but because I was powerful when it came to being somebody in this school.

I was at the base of the Met's step when I heard the first murmur of gossip reached my ears. 'I bet she is sleeping with Chuck and Nate.' 'Serena is totally going to run the show now that she is back.' 'Serena was the better queen.' 'Apparently Nate always had a thing for Serena.' 'You know that Nate and Serena are still sleeping with each other.' Each new whisper felt like a knife in my heart but I continued. I walked forward towards the top of the large steps with wind blowing against me cooling the blush that was threatening to show on my cheeks. Kati and Iz were there at the top of the stairs with Jenny, Penelope, and Hazel. I knew it was time to put P in her place.

"Ladies," I addressed them as I walked to the top and reached out my hand to grab my latte, which Jenny quickly gave me. I turned my attention to Penelope.

"We need to ensure this week that the mixer is perfect and I know that you guys will do your best to make sure everything is to my standards," I told him before I nodded at them to take their seats. Penelope stood standing.

"Are we not going to address the fact that Nate cheated on you with Serena? What are we going to do? You are planning payback right? And did you or did you not sleep with Bass of all people?" she all but and it was clear that she was angry and frustrated. I smirked at her outburst.

"You are not to concern your feeble mind with my personal concerns. My friendships with Serena and Chuck are none of your concern. Furthermore, if I ever hear it suggested that you sent anything about me to Gossip Girl again you will not be allowed in the inner circle again. If you are wondering about punishments here is yours, you are not allowed to sit with us this week," I told her smoothly (1).

She stomped her foot. "What… you cannot- oh look here is Serena. She was always a far better queen then you ever were," I turned to see Serena walking over in all her sunshine and messy hair.

"We are so happy that you are back. Constance has been so lacking leadership without you," Penelope told Serena. I rolled my eyes but keep quiet knowing Serena did not want to regain the throne and was fully on board with a P takedown.

"Well Blair is the leader we need," she said as she wrapped her hand around me while chuckling. "Did you mentioned to her the thing we heard?" Serena asked me with a smile.

"I have not yet had the time. But maybe we should share it now? Penelope how is your father's business partner this time of year? And his wife and two children or was it three children? I hear that you two are quite friendly and I was wondering how daddy dearest must feel that you have a sugar daddy?" I smirked at her. The smile that she had on her face dropped. "Yes. So you are dismissed or you can trade spots with Jenny this week."

"I'll trade the spot," she mumbled. I stepped closer to her ready to humiliate her.

"That means that you sit two steps lower. That means you bring my breakfast in the morning. You open the doors for me when I walk. You do not ask questions to me directly. You get my morning coffee which because I am being nice I will remind you how I take my coffee only this once. I like a latte with French vanilla shot with skim milk and never ever attempt to give my coffee unless it is steaming hot," I told her sternly.

"Yes… yes," she all but shouted.

"Here Serena do you want this," I said handing her my coffee that Jenny gave me earlier. "I hate drinking coffee twice in the morning bad for my teeth." I looked back at Penelope. I drank my coffee at home but I made sure the minions always brought me mine because I like to put them in their place. Sometimes if I was extremely tired, I did drink the coffee but it was rare this early in the semester. Penelope turned red embarrassed and looked back at the other girls who just put their heads down. She looked back at me and nodded. Good no speaking when not directed to.

We were leaving the step when Jenny stopped and asked if she could speak to me for a moment.

"Blair, I was umm wondering," she tugged at her skirt. "About the Chuck thing." Instantly my disinterest shifted rapidly.

"I thought we talked about this," I said half-annoyed and half-upset. Chuck was currently an interest of mine. I wanted him in way in a way that I never wanted a man.

"I know. I just wanted your advice because I was thinking about it and I was wondering if you think Chuck and I could… you know. Like I was not ready on Saturday but maybe if we tried again I would know what to expect. I want to know if you think him and me have a chance at another go. I know what landing Chuck could do for my reputation," she said eagerly.

"Listen. No one lands Chuck Bass. He gets what he wants. He almost never dips twice so get over it," I told her quickly and walked away from her.

I was angry with Jenny for mentioning Chuck. I knew that this was a larger problem. His eyes the way they stared into my soul when he walked in on Nate and me tore into me. I did not know why but I wanted to know what it meant. I was intrigued and annoyed at the way he was making me feel. I did not want to start having feelings for him however; I knew I wanted him more than ever. I woke up this morning covered in sweat from a raunchy dream in which for the first time in my life, I achieved an orgasm in my sleep. Which only served to annoyed me when Dorota commented about my 'glow'. We were in the shared auditorium awaiting headmaster Keller's remarks about Ivy week when Gossip Girl shot out yet a new blast.

 _Spotted: Nate and Chuck arrive late to school wearing a mean dark pair of shades. Another late night of partying boys? Why don't you ever invite me to come and play? Better hurry up and arrive, your legacies await –XOXO Gossip Girl_

When I heard the door in the back open I knew that they arriving. I could not help but turn around and if my chance or fate I made eye contact with Chuck. It was quick but shocked me a little I must admit. I did expect the butterflies that hit me. Maybe I should not play this game with him it was dangerous. It was running in the rain without an umbrella. It was touching an open flame. It was risky and even stupid. But hell if he could give me orgasms in my sleep then maybe he could do even more in person. I was not even a hundred percent sure he was interested but I was determined to find out.

* * *

Just as my father told me, I got the Yale escort without even trying. Some might think it unfair that my money brought me these things. Maybe they were right. We did nothing to earn the advantages we were just born to them. I did not even want them. I wanted to earn my father's respect from nothing yet my surname did not make that an actual possibility.

"So you got Yale," Nathaniel comment seemingly annoyed.

"Yes, of course and you got Dartmouth." I knew I was smug since I knew how much he did not want this. In fact, the entire car ride over to Saint Jude's was spent with him moaning and groaning about his father who wanted him to go to Dartmouth while his mother's family wanted him to go to Columbia.

"Great! I guess being first in our class means nothing," I heard Dan mumble to himself.

"No having a trust fund is so much more important," I could not help but share with him.

"Do you want me to punch you again?" he threaten.

"I would like to see you try. My father would have you expelled in a heartbeat. So you could say bye bye to whatever second tier school you actually could afford," I told him with all the confidence of a billionaire teen could muster. He walked away while he muttered a few choice words under his breath.

"Well since that is done. I think I am going to skip out," Nate told me as we walked away from the bulletin board and towards first period.

"You sure?" I asked my concern coming through.

"Yes, I really do not want to be here right now. Listen thanks again for last night. I know I was a little wild. I hope I did not get you into much trouble with Bart," he grabbed onto my shoulder in his masculine display of affection.

"I will always have your back Nathaniel," I told him honestly. He smiled and donned his sunglasses again as he walked away back into the courtyard to leave. I was more than a little bit concerned for him.

It was around lunchtime when I decided I needed a break and was far too tired to stay up in history class after last night. It was a beautiful day, the air crisp and quiet. There were only going to be so many more days this year that were going to be clear. I was waiting for my limo to pull up which was taking Arthur longer than usual because it was not in the schedule for the day. I was leaning back on the brick wall outside of the courtyard when she approached me with a sneaky smile.

"Bass," she greeted me as she stood in front of me looking beautiful. Her closeness was almost too much to bear. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"To lunch," I responded hoping she would back away her scent -the scent that haunted my dream last night-as too overpowering.

"You are lying. You are ditching like Nate is. Off to sleep with some strippers?" she admonished and I looked away from her glaze. I realized that much of the student bodies were watching us. I groaned internally at the thought of another gossip girl blast.

"It is none of your business. Nate is probably sleeping off last night which I was headed to do," I shared suddenly feeling on edge from all this attention.

"You know. I could ditch with you?" she told me while batting her eyelashes and played with the edges of my scarf a classic Bass flirt technique. I pulled it back from her grasp. She smirked. "We could discuss maybe Yale. You are the escort and I want to make sure I get most of his attention."

"I am sure you will have every man's attention," I told her falling for her charms as I reached out and tucked a loose hair behind her ear. Maybe it was her batting eyes, which never worked before, maybe it was her scent of Dior and lilacs, maybe it was just the fact that it was just her. Maybe it meant something that she was flirting with me here in front of the whole school sober and clear of thought. Then a camera flash diverted our gaze and I realized this was going to make Gossip Girl. I thought of Nate. I shook my head at myself as I sidestepped around her.

"Chuck?" she asked confused as I walked away to the limo that had arrived.

"Blair. We can't. Whatever you want from me we can't…" I whispered to her to assure no one could here. Her eyes went wide in shock as she realize that I was rejected her.

"You want me," she responded back with a fierce stubbornness that only served to make her look even sweeter. The look in her eyes told me it was a question. I opened the door of the limo and but stood looking at her.

"Only a blind man wouldn't be tempted by your body and only a fool wouldn't be tempted by your wit," I confessed.

"You aren't blind but tell me are you a fool?" she asked as she stepped closer. I wanted to smile at her quick retort. In that moment, our phones both went off I realize that gossip girl must have already posted about this encounter. I don't know why but I pulled it out to read.

 _I must admit the Daily News broke this story before me but the Captain Nate Archibald's father was just arrested for fraud. Oh no. It seems like lying and cheating is an Archibald family trait. I guess along with trust funds, ivy league educations, and drug problems a fraud case is just part of the UES package deal. –XoXo Gossip Girl._

As if the blast brought her a new sense of realization, she stepped back. I slid into the limo quickly slamming the door shut. I was grateful for the tainted windows because I continued to stare at her as she stood there on the sidewalk watching my limo drive off.

* * *

I did not know how to feel. This thing with Chuck was only getting more and more complicated. I knew I was being brazen for approaching him at school today but I could not help myself. Most people look awkward standing alone but Chuck just looks so confident and demanding. I was drawn into that bravado. When the news broke about Nate I was shocked and thought an arrest was weeks away. Instantly I felt horrible for him. I knew what it felt like to have a parent's scandal cover the papers but an arrest was new and scandalous for the Upper East Side. My text and calls to him went unanswered and I even texted Chuck to ask if he heard from Nate, which he told me he had not. It was almost six and dinner was to be served soon but my mother was at her office working on her new advertisement for the line. When the elevator chimed to alert me to a guest I was surprised but happy to find it was Nate. He looked upset, angry, and broken as he entered into the foyer.

"Nate?" I walked closest to him and I realized there were tears in his eyes. I quickly wrapped him up into a hug as he grabbed onto me his silent tears falling onto my head. Finally after a few moments I pulled away to look at him. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I feel like everything is falling apart…" he said letting his words trail off and I knew that was all he really wanted to say about the matter. I nodded my head and asked him to join me for dinner. I promised him that we did not have to talk about anything.

We ate as I filled him in on my plans for the mixer and my meeting with the junior class today. He smiled, nodded, and faked his way through a polite conversation. I tried to distract him from his thoughts by suggesting that we watch a movie and he could even pick. He agreed. We innocently watched television together lounging on the sofa in front of the television in the informal sitting room. His blazer was off and his tie was gone. He looked comfortable and I felt more comfortable than I had in months around him. I was happy that we could do this. Be friends for each other in moments like this.

"Blair, thank you for letting me stay here. I just did not want to be with my family right now," he said for about the fifth time when he caught me staring.

"Not a problem. It is what friends are for. Let me get some popcorn for the next movie. I will be right back," I told him as I grabbed the bowl and walked out crossing into the foyer when the elevator opened up. I briefly glanced over thinking it was my mother to tell her that Nate was over when out walked Chuck Bass.

"Blair," his voice was smooth like velvet and the goosebumps came over me.

"Chuck what are you-"my words were caught off as he grabbed and pulled me into him while pushing me back at the same time. I dropped the bowl that was in my hand as I let my hands come up to snake around his neck. He pushed me against the wall under the steps as his mouth assaulted mine. There was nothing soft or sweet about the kiss. It was all teeth, lounge, lips, and hands as if he wanted to feel every part of me. I did not even realized my left leg had come up to snake around his lower body as he grinded into me until he pulled away for air. Quickly he began to kiss and softly bite down my jawline. Intermediately he was muttering my name as he kissed my jaw and neck as my hands were wrapped around his back. I threw back my head as possible against the wall to give him access. As soon as I did there he let out a growl like sound. I knew he was saying something about my sweetness but I was incapable of focusing on words as he kissed my neck. Suddenly he pulled back away from my body and it was only all contact had been severed that I realized my name was being called out by Nate. It sounded like he was still in the small sitting room. The disappointment on Chuck's face was devastating.

"Coming give me a moment!" I shouted back.

"X-men cool?" he yelled back at me. I yelled back yes as I looked at Chuck who was running his hand through his hair before adjusting his clothes.

"Chuck, its not like that between me and him," I tried to explain away the devastated look on Chuck's face but my hushed frantic whisper probably did not help my case.

"Happy to see Nate is safe here with you," he said sarcastically. I grabbed his arm to stop him from going but he shrugged me off and pressed the elevator button. "I guess was the fool," he mumbled. I was unsure if he wanted me to hear him say that. But I did and I was hesitant to say anything in response so I let him go. _  
_

* * *

1 B is assuming that Penelope sent the photo in to GG and well she is probably right. I rationalized P's outburst to B because she thinks B would be shaken up and weak on her moments back to school after the weekend drama. The student body of Constance has not come to realization that B and S are friends again in this moment. S did not go to her party and they really did not sit together at the brunch until after most of the guest had left.

A.N: I had a hard time with the Chuck and Nate scene and trying to determine how much to have Chuck be nursing type. I did think it was important as a physical manifestation of their friendship and care for each other. In the show, Chuck sleeps with Blair behind Nate's back and does not really come off as a good friend so I wanted him to have this moment in which we can see the love and care he has for Nate. His actions are second nature. Even in Nate's drunken state, he is confused over his feelings for Blair but I hope everyone can piece together how he feels about her through his gibberish.


	11. Only Childern of a Selfish Parents

Summary: Using the major storylines from the show Dangerous Affections is told only through the point of view of Chuck and Blair. Starting with Serena's arrival in town after Nate and her almost have sex but are interrupted when Chuck finds them. Chuck threatens Serena and Nate to tell Blair about their past indiscretions and when they do, Blair declares war on Nate and Serena. Rejected and hurt over all the betrayal Blair has a relapse in her struggle with her eating disorder and learns more about her mother piecing some of their jagged relationship together. As part of her revenge, Blair hooks up with Chuck until he realizes that she is using him to get back at Nate. Serena and Blair are beginning to become friends again as Blair tried to let go of the perfection she strive to achieve. Bart and Chuck cannot seem to be on the same page as each other as Chuck wants his respect and Bart does not know how to play a father. At Blair's Kiss on the Lip's Party Nate confronts Blair over photos she sent to his mother and Dan and Chuck begin their rivalry over Chuck trying to sleep with Jenny. After a night of dancing and flirting at the party, Chuck leaves Blair high and dry which begins the hot and cold vibe that he is continuing to send her. Blair is determined to seduce Chuck and he is determined to ignore her. At the Bart annual Brunch, Serena finds out about Chuck's feeling's for Blair and he discovers more about Nate and her. After Blair rejects Nate's proposal his ring is stuck on her finger leading to rumors of an engagement. In addition, the shock of seeing Blair with an engagement ring on forces Chuck to conclude that he is in love with Blair. In the last chapter, Nate's father is arrested on time to stop a possible hook up between Chuck and Blair. Chuck arrives at Blair's door overcome by his feelings with her before realizing that Nate was in Blair's penthouse feeling foolish and dissuaded he leaves.

A.N: I am so happy with all the positive reviews I received so quickly. I tried to get this chapter out as quickly as possible. We are officially (a little more than) half way through the story. I included a very long summary that nuts4soccer requested. I tried to highlight the major parts but there were important parts that I did cut out. I have never been good at being concise so the short summary is indeed very long. To super-guest, I do not think that Bart would not get upset because he does not really care if they smoke pot. I find Lily and Bart to be more than aware that their kids are going to drink and do drugs. Hell they are all always drinking in front of their parents. I find them to care more about perception and if their under-age illegal behaviors are going to bar them from college or other goals rather than actually caring about drug use. No parents of the year award here. A lot more Blair POV to balance out the heavy Chuck POV last chapter.

Disclaimer: Do not own the Gossip Girl characters.

* * *

 _It is the selfish parents who are to blame. Pay attention, be involved in your children's lives. They are your legacy, your only hope. -Aaron B. Powell_

Glancing around before I exited the taxi to the Ostroff Center I stepped out anxious for the meeting to be finished before it even began. I had to get here right after school in order to attend the mixer at six, which left me little time to return home and get ready. But my mother and Doctor Cohen were adamant that I continue to see Dr. Cohen weekly and I forgot to reschedule earlier in the week. At least I convinced them for my mental health to only keep me for half an hour.

Once I as seated in the couch in her office I was able to breathe a sigh of relief now that I finally had some alone time this week. I had spent every day this week with Nate for at least an hour trying to support him and be a listener in his moment of need. Serena did not seem to care or want to be helpful. She was more concerned with whether or not I was catching feelings again for Nate. I tried to explain to her that I was just trying to be a friend and Nate had been there for me when my father left town. True I was supporting him more than he did for me but it was in my nature to take care of others. I could not just turn it off. To be perfectly honest to myself, which I am supposed to do in therapy, I think I was using Nate as a shield. He was my shield for Chuck.

I was scared by whatever I was feeling. It was new and strong after that kiss on Monday. That kiss was unlike the other one it was sudden and I was unprepared for it. I did nothing to even try to seduce him rather he came to me. That thrilled me and scared me. It was a mistake to catch feelings for a man incapable of feeling. If I stupidly fell for his charm than I was no brighter than the Jenny Humphrey's of the world who thought they could land Chuck. It was obvious that Chuck respected his friendship with Nate enough to reject me the few times he did. However, I was afraid that the moment he thought I was done with Nate he would pounce on me quicker than a lioness would on an injured prey. Whenever I sat with them at lunch this week I felt his eyes watching me like a bird circling over it next meal. So I protected myself with Nate's attention. Honestly, his attention was unappealing and his presence did nothing for me other than keep Chuck at bay while I decided. Whereas when Chuck's eyes burned into my skin as I felt his eyes grope my body lingering on my chest as if he could envision me bare before him. His masculine scent that was only Chuck causing me to press my thighs close together as it shocked me to my core. How when I was around him I could not help but touch him in sneakily small ways. Stubbly but I lived for the moments in the courtyard or helping Nate vent together. I ran my fingers over the back of his hand under the table on Tuesday at lunch to which his only response was the hitch in his breath when I started. Then on Wednesday in his limo as we drove to the Archibald residence I, sat next him while texting on my phone but made sure my body was pressed against his. The heat of his body burning through his suit felt it was burning my clothes off and the dark look in his eyes made me feel like I might as well be naked there. On Thursday when Nate stepped away from us to talk to his mother leaving us together in his room we had our first alone conversation since the kiss on Monday.

 _"So are you happy playing the misses again?" he asked smugly as he normal world but I saw the fire burning in his eyes._

 _"I am not playing Chuck. I am single," I responded staring him down challenging him._

 _"Could have fooled me," he said. He looked bored but I knew he was not because his body was tense and ridged. When he stopped his intense glaze, I stood and moved to sit next to him. Crossing my legs letting my right leg fall over his purposefully. His eyes moved to study them. When he reached out to touch my nylon thigh-high tights running his hand up to my thigh were they ended pulling on garter playfully._

 _"Nice choice in lingerie. From the new agent provocateur line?" He asked after his pulled his hand away. But I was taking deep breathes unable to do much but nod at his question. After the moment lapsed, I caught my breath._

 _"Chuck I am single. I promise. I don't want Nate anymore," I told him unsure why the words were even coming out of my mouth. But whenever I was around him it was like this - my weakness overcame me._

 _"What is that really want Blair?" He asked and I was stumped. What did I want? The steps coming closer reminded me Nate was coming back and I pulled myself away from him back to my original seat._

Today at school, Chuck and Nate joined me and the girls on the tops of the Met steps. There were only going so many nice days like this before winter that I relished the light breeze and warm fall sun. The gossip about the Archibald was still strong but that did not stop the girls from trying to flirt with him. I was rolling my eyes with Serena as Hazel tried to talk to him about his mother making Serena laugh along with me. Suddenly, Chuck moved up a step to sit on my level. I knew everyone was looking at him even as they continued their conversations. He leaned back his elbow resting on the top step playing with his sunglasses.

"Ready to charm the Yale rep?" He asked casually as if it was normal for him to sit this high. The met steps displayed the hierarchy at Constance. I have only ever let Nate sit beside me when he was my boyfriend. Eventually Serena might join me but for now, she was on the step below until I forgave her transgressions completely.

I stared him down to know he was not in his place. "Yes, don't screw this up for me," I told him. Anger and shame flashed in his eyes before he took his Ray bans and put them on. I felt a bit of guilt.

"It's going to go off without a hitch," Hazel butted in trying to cheer me up. Seconds after Serena and Katz were standing up ready to walk to over to school.

As I stood up and walked over, I felt Chuck's hand on my lower back guiding me. We were in the back of the group. I could have walked faster and out of his hand but I did not. I like that he there guiding me along. I felt comfortable even safe. Then Nate turned and looked at us as we stood on the crosswalk waiting for the change in light. It was automatic and no thought to it. I moved away from Chuck tapping on the shoulders on my minions to ensure that I was now by Serena side as we discuss the distance between New Haven and Providence once more (1). I never looked back at Chuck or Nate the rest of the way into school. Chuck was right I needed to decide what I wanted.

So here I was with only one thing one my mind not Nate, not the food I ate today for lunch, and not how my body looked in my Stella McCarthy skirt rather only Chuck was on my mind.

"So Blair, I we are short on time today so the hardest question first, did you relapse this week?" she asked me attempting to look friendly and safe. It only made me annoyed. I informed her that I did not in fact relapse. "Did you want to?"

I nodded at her as I thought back to the past week. I thought back to how Chuck saved me from my lonesomeness at the Kiss at the Lips Party after Nate's huge explosion. I shifted in my seat as those feelings came back and I was wondering why I even forgave Nate as the wound suddenly felt fresh and new. Then how at the brunch coming off the elevator with the Vanderbilt engagement ring on my finger I suddenly felt small when I found my mom staring me down. It was Chuck again that stood by my side his hand resting on my back to let me know he was there. Then I thought back to two Wednesdays ago at my mother's party when he stood long after everyone else encouraging me to eat dinner. We joked, we laughed, and we talked about books that night that Nate never read. I thought of how when Chuck kissed me, he kissed me all of me. It was as if he was kissing my body and my soul at the same time. Because as he alluded to it was not only my body that attracted him, it was my mind, my wit. Dammit, I think he liked me for me. Through all of my toying with him this week, he tried to be respectful of Nate and I watched him care for his best friend. I thought back to all our conversations this past two weeks, how he was there for me, how he made me free, and most importantly he made me feel like it was okay to be me. Suddenly in that office away from Nate, Serena, my mother, Chuck and even Dorota I felt like I was hit with a moving car. Suddenly I was breathing deeply when I felt someone grab my shoulder.

"Blair are you alright?" Dr. Cohen asked.

"I think… I think I lo-like someone," I told her hating that the words were coming out of my mouth.

"With Nate?" she asked still sitting next to me rubbing my back coaxing me to remember to breathe.

"No. With his friend, Chuck, Chuck Bass," I told her. Saying it aloud suddenly felt silly and childish. Chuck Bass would never do commitment. Even if I knew he cared for me at least as a friend and I had his respect there was no way it could be anything more than that. He told me himself that he could not do this because of Nate. How could this go anyway?

"You mentioned in the last session that you like to have a boyfriend as a status symbol. Is that what this is?" she asked carefully. I shook my head fiercely.

"If you knew Chuck you would know why that could never be true. He would never be my boyfriend," I told her.

"Why do you say that? Does he make you feel unworthy of being his girlfriend?" she asked as she jotted down notes.

I snorted a laugh. "Chuck just doesn't do girlfriend. He is more of a sleep with everything that walks kinda person. He would never be caught ever having a girlfriend. But that is fine. Dating him would be like social suicide anyway. Then again, it's not like he is an outsider. He is extremely well off. I am sure you know of his father. But he is Nate's best friend and that might be weird in the beginning. Then again, Nate did sleep with my best friend so its like karma. It might be a bad time cause I am sure that you know Nate's father was arrested via the Daily News and the New York Post," I quickly told her. When I was nervous, I admittedly spoke fast and she tried to keep up her scribbles.

* * *

The mixer was just beginning and I got word from my father that he would be here soon. I have not seen him since Sunday night when Nate came into our suite. I spent the week trying to help Nathaniel with his family problems whenever I was not obsessing over Blair. After my slip on Monday, I vowed to stay away from her and remain indifferent. However, she was always there slightly touching me while giving me looks that made me want to take her wherever we were. I was only grateful that we did not really have a long conversation since that kiss on Monday made me feel like a fool. I could not, would be a fool for her.

Whenever I was not trying to help Nathaniel I was knee deep in restate information and consumer information regarding burlesques while cross-referencing age groups with advertising strategies. I pulled from my personal bank account to hire an assistant and a consultant. I was only days away from bringing this proposal to my father and I was damn proud. However, less proud of the fact that after leaving the Archibald's residence yesterday and realizing how close I was to snapping my resistance to Blair I went out last night. I went out last night to forget the taste of her lips. I got drunk last night to ignore the way the skin on her thigh felt. I went in the lower east side which resulting in a drunken argument to stop the image of her standing by Nate through all of this. I was in the Upper East Side and Lenox hill section of the city when the good men and women of the 19th precinct came to stop the argument from resulting in a fight after smashing a few bottles. When the bar owner discovered I was underage he persuaded them to not press charges. I was more than sure the news of my drunken behavior got back to my father rather than news of my work on my business.

I watched as Blair walked around the room in her stylish navy pantsuit (f). Her hair was in a bun revealing the back of her neck and for some reason every time it came into my view I flashed to when I pushed her up against the bar in my suite. I should have just slept with her then maybe this love shit would have never occurred. She was ensuring that everything was perfect. Most of the representatives were here but Brown, Yale, and Cornell were running late it seemed. So that left me free and in events like this there was no alcohol on hand so I was stuck with sparkling water. I stood there watching Blair chat with Nate now and I had to look away. What did he have that I did not? Him and his matching tie and suit shirt. The complimentary tie and shirt thing is so 1980s but I think what annoyed me most was the fact that his tie had yellow in it matching Blair perfectly (f).

"So how is it going?" Serena asked as she came over in yet another summer dress for a fall event and stood by me with at drink in her hand that looked like white wine. I leaned over close enough to smell the drink.

"How did you get that?" I asked a little annoyed that Serena was able to get wine at this event.

"Dan is working the beverages station. Batted my eyes and told him he looks very good in plum," she shared with a shrug. "Don't think that would work for you."

"I thought he was mad at you?" I asked wondering how did I leave my flask at home. Stupid tweed jacket without in inner pocket. Brooks Brother just lost my business well at least until their new winter line is revealed.

"I think he thinks he stopped too soon because everyone thinks Nate and Blair are going to get back together," her eyebrow raised slightly as if to question what I thought.

"He didn't put up much of a fight. I thought your mother was coming?" I asked as I looked around for Lily trying to sneer the conversation away from Blair and Nate. Too be honest, I was intrigued by my father's relationship with Lily. My father never dates and when he did date women beyond a few romps of sex, it was always supermodels.

"She is with your father and Eric is coming too," she made a sour face at the thought of our parents together.

"If this continues then we might be related," I told her with a sleazy smirk.

"What are you thinking and why are you smirking like that?" she asked.

"I always wanted a sibling. Ultimate taboos and all," I said with a wink.

"Gross," she hissed but remained standing next me to me. "Since it seems like they," she mentioned with her head point to Nathaniel and Blair, "might get back together you are not going to tell her about… you know. I won't tell Nate about you and…. I think they have a chance to be happy this time around," she shared. I looked back over to them. They were standing there talking to Anne and the history professor. They looked like a great couple together.

"That's if you stay away. You can play the best friend role but you are not fooling me," I told her harshly.

"Pot calling the kettle black," she whispered back looking around to see if any of our classmates were paying attention.

"Let's just forget the last two weeks," I told her hoping she would forget about my feelings that I opened up by my weakness about last week.

"Chuck, I know you maybe… had feelings for Blair" she began but I cut her off. Her words were too real and too accurate now.

"Our parents are here," I said as I pushed off the wall that I was leaning on officially agitated and annoyed.

When we reached Lily and Bart, I instantly recognized that my father was not in a good mood. He had lost a lot of money in China so this evening was not going to be pleasant. His tight smile was on as he greeted Serena and me. His eyes were staring down at me telling me that he wanted to speak to me privately. Over the years, I have learned his signals. Wanting to stop an argument before it began; I took it upon myself to suggest talking to the side.

"Eric how was Florida? Not a tanner I see," I greeted the younger classmate of mine. "Lily, how you look lovely as usual," I told the always elegant Lily van der Woodsen.

"Charles, so lovely to see you here," she leaned to kiss me on the cheek. I was raised to have the highest Upper East Side manners even if my nighttime activities suggest otherwise.

"Father could I speak to you a moment before the Yale representative arrives?" I asked him the polite smile never fading from my face.

"Yes, may you excuse us," he told them as we walked over past the refreshments and reached a quiet section of hallway in the Constance side of the building. The moment we were alone I felt the anger radiating off him.

"Father," I said trying to break the silence while placing my hand in my pants pocket.

"Chuck, I was not going to do this here but since you pulled me aside I might as well tell you how disappointed I am in your behavior last night. Do you know how it feels to be on an overnight night flight in the sky and find out that your son got into an argument in which the police were called to? In a bar I own no less," he told me and I was only grateful that his voice was not booming. I rolled my eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"It was a disagreement. It was fine. No arrest or anything because I handled it," I told him trying for him to see me as a responsible man in some regard.

"You mean you handled it by using my last name and my money," his eyes glaring at me. The disgust in his face hit me hard but I had my ground.

"It is my last name too," I told him pointing to myself and stepping towards him.

"And what a disgrace you have brought to it," his voice was ice cold. He pushed passed me with his shoulder on his way back into the gathering. It was the last place I wanted to be right now. If anything, I wanted to be swallowed up into a hole. There the hurt would not be as strong as it was. This was my father the man with no filter who was always around to see all of my mistakes and incapable of seeing any good in me. Probably because of the good that was in me left me the day I was born and took my mother from the world. My father saw me for what I truly was, a waste.

* * *

I stood there off to the side holding the AV equipment that I was collecting because Jenny could not seem to locate it. If you want something done right you need to do it yourself. Standing to the side of the hallway unseen, I listened in on Bart Bass wrongly yelling at Chuck. It was all over the Times business section that Bart Bass lost a twenty million dollar deal in Beijing today and the stock prices of Bass Industries were rapidly dropping due to the news. The market would have just closed for the weekend already leaving the last and final major news story in the business world this weekend the fails of B.I until the exchange opened on Monday. Right now Bart should be in business meetings cementing support and confidence in B.I but here he was to support his son. While my father was half way around the world because he did not like the gossip that people were saying and my mother was not here either because even though she was in town her fashion-advertising meeting was essential to the ready to wear line for this season's new look. All of that was more important to them than I was. But Bart was here risking maybe billions and millions of people's jobs while my mother could not risk her Vogue advertising for the month.

"Chuck," I walked closer to him as he leaned his head against the wall. The velvet collar on his tweed jacket only reminded me how different and stylish he was. He turned sharply to look at me and I felt silly for holding onto the mic and stand that were cradled in my hands. "Are you okay?"

"I would be better if I could get alcohol," he quickly responded covering up whatever he was feeling.

"Chuck…" I wanted to ask him how he was feeling but I did not know how.

"Blair, what do you want?" he asked me rough and annoyed.

"Chuck, your father did not mean that he is stressed out," I tried to explain his behavior to Chuck.

"Do not presume to know my father," he bit out at me.

"Fine, I won't. But I know you. This week I know how much you have been working on your business proposal. I know how much time you spent with Nate helping him through this hard time. I know that the caterers that I wanted for this event were too expensive for the Constance budget and the other anonymous source that payed half the budget was you. I know that you are a good man. A better man that even your father could ever hope to be and if cannot see that in you than fuck him," I told him proud I keep my voice steady. If Chuck could come to my rescue, I could come to his.

He looked at me with a sad smile and I wanted to reach out to hug him when Hazel came interrupting us looking for the microphone and me. I nodded at him before walking away from him. I wanted to know what he was going to say but a little afraid. After coming to the conclusion that I like this man I was worried that somehow it would show. When I got back to the main courtyard, I realized that the Yale representative had arrived when Chuck and I were gone. I hoped Chuck returned soon. By the time, I made sure the techies got the audio equipment set up and went to speak to the Yale representative Chuck was there laughing off with him. I smiled internally happy he was in better spirits before approaching them.

When I finally did approach them, it was marvelous. Ben Silbermann was representing the school at this event. He now worked at Google and was at Constance hoping to attach more computer programmers to Yale. However, our conversation quickly became about pin boards and how we organize our creative ideas. The conversation went so well that we arranged to have lunch at the Yale Club (2). Chuck kept up with the conversation and it smoothly flowed into a conversation about app development. Chuck and I dominated his time thus leaving all the other wannabe Yale attendees little time to chat with him Mr. Silbermann. It was Chuck's duty to escort him around the room and make introductions but he made no effort to end the conversation. I think he wanted to show me off as much as possible to Silbermann. We communicated so well working off each other able to guide the conversation to highlight each other strengths. It would have never occurred if Nate was here talking to the Yale rep with me. (3)

* * *

I excused myself from my escort after introducing him to Nelly Yuki who promised to do all my history essays for the semester for ten minutes alone. It was an easy sell and I found myself at the refreshment table that was guard by the Humphrey clan. I was determine to have some alcohol at least. Being here for over ninety minutes, being cold sober was killing me.

"You have scotch?" I asked annoyed that I have not had a drink and still pissed over my father's words. I knew Blair was trying to give me a pep talk and I would be lying if I said it did not work. She made me feel proud and noticed for something other than my bad behavior. It gave me hope that she could see beyond my bad.

"Nope," the Dan said looking like he ate a sour grape in the most unfortunate polyester blend suit I have seen on this side of the central park. He was a disgraced to the Saint Jude logo.

"Wine at least?" I asked trying again. Here I was pissed off at my father having to deal with Brooklyn nobodies who were trying to restrict my access to alcohol.

"Nope. Water?" he said obviously lying.

"Serena was drinking white wine," I said while moving closer ready to strangle him if I had to when a glass of white wine appeared in front of me.

"Here, you go Chuck," jenny said with a cute smile. I smiled back mostly to piss off her brother.

"Thank you Jenny. And how are you doing?" I asked as I sipped the wine. At least it was mediocre wine.

"Fine, Chuck. I just wanted to apologize for the huge mess last Friday," she giggled before she spoke and I quickly realize that she was trying to flirt with me. Dan tried to admonish Jenny for her actions but I ignored him as I winked at her causing her to giggle some more. She was over dressed out of place in her cerulean blue dress (f). At that moment, one of the parents came over to grab drinks allowing me to reach over and lightly touch her hand that was on the bar. Blair was wrong about me being a better man. I was always on the look for a cheap thrill. I needed it to feel alive to fill the loneliness that crept in from time to time. Right now, I was feeling unbelievably alone after my Bart's words and Blair spending so much time with Nate. I was not worthy of my own father there was no way that I would be worthy of her.

"I am happy to see you in a better mood. I would love to see more of you, soon," I told her and the blush on her face with her big smile alerted me to how eager this girl was.

"What are you doing? Listen we are not playing stupid games with you and your crew," Dan informed as he yanked Jenny's hand away causing me to chuckle.

"What is happening here. You guys should not be talking especially after what happened the last time," Blair said appearing from nowhere. While speaking she pinched my shoulder in a warning for me not to cause a scene. I pulled out of her grasp and Jenny winked at me as I walked away. I never looked at Blair it suddenly hurt to because looking at her was like looking in a mirror at myself. She would instantly know how hurt I was because of earlier. I did not want her to see me like this so I dunk and ran like the coward I knew I was.

I walked away from them towards an empty classroom knowing Jenny would follow me shortly. Eager to find some distraction for this event and to stick one to Dan I was more than happy to hook up with little J.

* * *

"What is happening here?" I asked Jenny and Dan after Chuck walked away.

"Nothing, Dan and Chuck seem to have bad blood," Jenny offered. I glared at her brother. "I have to go get more sparkling water, I'll be right back."

"Champagne," I told him as I placed my glass on the counter needing a refill. "You know you are a fool for messing things up with Serena," I told him annoyed. Truth of the matter was I was annoyed I had to listen to Serena all week whine about Dan and his wave. He did not look too bad in his deep plum textured shirt with a black paisley tie and black suit (f). Well it did look like a cheap suit but all in all much better than that that vest I saw him in yesterday.

"I know. I thought she and Nate had something but it seems like you and him are the perfect couple," he commented as he replenished my champagne.

"Nate and Serena have been over for ages, a whole year ago. My love life is no concern of yours," I told him dismissively. I was hoping to encourage him to pursue her again; she could stop yapping about him. He looked deeply confused. In that moment, my heart dropped with the feeling that someone knows something that you have no knowledge of. I glared at him urging him to speak.

"On the day of the Bass brunch when I came to see her Nate was there waiting for her too. She was on the way back from having breakfast with you and invited me to the brunch. She told me she was going to have lunch with Nate because of all the gossip girl blast to clear things up and we could talk later. But when I got there Chuck basically kicked me out of the brunch and told me that they hooked up when she got back form boarding school. I was under the impression that they were not over. So I was preemptive and removed myself from all the drama," he explained in far lengthier way then I was expecting. My heart plummeted to the ground. I could not even explain how suddenly I felt like the floor was ripped out from under me. The way I felt two weeks ago suddenly came back to me even more so because now it was also Chuck keeping things from me.

I quickly turned away from the refreshment table back to the party. I felt numb like all the progress I made this week was all for nothing. All the laughs and tears with Serena suddenly felt fake. All the time and energy I spent trying to help Nate this week only made me feel like a fool. I watched as Serena was laughing off with Eric while Nate was in a deep conversation with his mother. They all lied to me and played me for a fool. How stupid could I be? Everything everyone at school said about me was true I was weak. I looked around for Chuck. I needed Chuck. I needed him to tell me the truth about Serena and Nate since they were both incapable of it apparently.

I rounded a corner in the direction he had just headed into. It did not take me long to find the classroom that he was in. The door was open and there they were pressed up on a blackboard her leg wrapped around his torso he was kissing her neck. It was the same way he had me pressed up against the under my stairs on Monday. Suddenly I realized that I was just another girl in a long line of girls that Chuck Bass pressed up against walls. I should have walked away. Walk away and confront Nate or Serena. But I did not.

"Chuck! Jenny!" I yelled at them forcing them to break up and separate. "I thought I told you hands off my minions," I told him stepping forward into the room.

"Blair, oh my god. Umm… I was just," Jenny rambled as Chuck stood their looking smug and annoyed at my presence.

"Leave," I said looking right at Jenny. I was on edge. No, I was pissed off. Jenny quickly left not looking at me as she did.

"You don't have to get your La Perla's in a bunch," Chuck snarled out as he fixed his blazer and tie.

"I told you no minions," I said stepping closer to him so now we were at arm's length apart.

"You only said that because you were jealous," he said his eyes cold and distant. Far more distant then I had seen him recently.

"You wish," I told him crossing my arms across my chest clearly in defense.

"No you wish. You spent the last week basically acting like a bitch in heat for me," he spat out and my reaction to the word bitch was instant. I slapped him across the face and his smirk never faltered. The tears pricked at my eyes and I blinked them away.

"I told you to stay away from my minions because I don't want you assaulting them because you are just a dog, a lowdown dirty bastard," I told him holding my ground and attempting to hold my emotions in check. He flinched as always when someone called him bastard and I knew I was throwing cruel punches his way.

"So that's why you were here looking for me. Did you even realize the amount of times you leaned into me when we were talking to Mr. Silbermann? Or how you tried to hold my hand once. Or all the times you stared at me, laughed at my jokes. Tell me do you, the little virgin, even know how much you want to fuck me," he sneered out as he stepped closer to me until I was pressed up against the wall. Like bullets at my heart, each of his words hit me one by one. Suddenly I felt alone. Were Nate and Serena still seeing each other? Was Chuck ever my friend? Did I ever have control?

"Chuck," I breathed his name out. We were so close that he was breathing my breath in. I do not know who leaned in first. Him or me. Our lips connected and when my tongue darted out into his mouth I tasted strawberry lip-gloss. I remembered only moments ago that Jenny was in my spot. I was replaceable. Easily replaceable. I pushed him away. Holding my arms out to keep him at arm's length I looked down not wanting to make eye contact with the man I just let kiss me after he called me a bitch. How little did I think of myself that I let him kiss me after that?

"Blair?" his voice was soft and unlike him. I stopped holding him at arm's length and let my arms drop to my side. He placed his finger under my chin picking up my face. When he looked into my eyes, it was only then that I realized that there were tears in my own.

"Chuck, are Nate and Serena still sleeping with each other?" I finally asked. His eyes instantly flared. He backed away dropping his hand.

"No. Not that I know of," he said as he placed his hands into his pockets.

"You told Dan something about them at the brunch?" I told hoping to get answer. He studied me a moment and took a deep breath.

"I lied. I was annoyed about what happen the night before. I wanted to get under the boy's skin and so I used Serena. I did not have time to drag up blackmail. You weren't supposed to hear about it. Sorry if it hurt your feelings," he told me and I was unable to look him to judge if it was true or not.

"So it is not true," I smiled happy that nothing happened.

"Yes. Just a lie," he shared. I nodded and he suggested we go back to the event as he moved further away from me. I nodded at his suggestion. Less than half an hour was left and I should really be there to see that everyone off.

We were walking out back to the party in silence. I felt uncomfortable and confused about the past half hour. Honestly, I was not sure if I should believe Chuck. I do not know why I kept letting him kiss me the way I did. We were passing the entrance on our way back to the event when my mother walked in.

"Mom?" I asked realizing that she was here. Suddenly all the negative thoughts I had of her earlier today were gone. She made it here for me. I felt proud of her. Even her glare at Chuck was not going to bring this moment down. I reached out to hug her excited at her arrival. "I am so happy you made it. I think Mr. Silbermann, the Yale representative is still here. We had a great conversation. Come let me introduce you to him," I told her eagerly.

"Oh dear there is only a little bit of time left, I came here to seek out Serena. My advertising committee just had the wonderful idea of asking her to be the face of my new campaign. Hopefully she says yes," she smiled back at me as she grabbed my arms and beamed at me her excitement clear. "We will have so much fun." She finished off.

My hopes sunk. She was not here for me. She never would be. Serena would be the face of her new line and once again, I felt overlooked and unimportant. I smiled back faking my happiness as I lead her back out to the party to find Serena. I felt Chuck's eyes on me the rest of the night. I was never more confused about him or his feelings. It end of the night was a blur I felt beaten up and disregarded once the night was over. I found myself in my bed curled up on my bed slightly crying after I emptied my stomach over my toilet. I do not even know how it happened and I only realized I did it again after I did it. The tears were hot on my face as I cried because of my weakness, for the unknown betrayal, for finding Chuck with Jenny, for my mother wanting Serena to be the new face of the line. I cried because nothing was fixed and everything was still broken.

* * *

F why or why did Blair wear this. This outfit should be burned. She does actually pair perfectly with Nate making me hate the outfit even more. Jenny's dress is way too much for an early-evening reception but it suits her character as an over eager freshman. Serena's dress is from Vena Cava Spring/Summer line 2007 retailed about $150.

1 Brown University is in Providence Rhode Island and Yale is in New Haven.

2 Recognize the name? Ben Silbermann is the creator of Pinterest and Yale alumni. In 2007, he was working for google but left after launching Pinterest. I thought it would be fun to add this. The Yale Club is a private club in Midtown. The membership is restricted to alumni, family of alumni, and faculty of the college. It is located on 50th Vanderbilt Avenue and is the largest private clubhouse in the world. With over 11,000 members their influence and prestige in NYC is well-known which leads me to believe why Chuck Bass was arranged to the be escort. if I was as clever as Bart Bass it would totally be the college to send your son to in order for social gain in the city. It is about a block away from Grand Central. For those who are noticing Vanderbilt Av yet again as popular location for these characters I would like to mention that Vanderbilt Avenue is only about five city blocks long. So it quite small size wise but the influence on this one street is not.

3 I am not sure what the escort jobs truly were but I tried to fill in those blanks. I hope it made sense. Blair does not have a speech or anything like that.

* * *

A.N: The Bart and Chuck scene was harsh but it had to be because Chuck was already in a sour mode so rather than fight with Bart he takes the punches in order to feel more pain. The guilt over Nate is eating him up and I have a heard time expressing that guilt so I hope I was able to do that justice. In Bart's defense, he is super stressed out and having to spend his night on a plane as he hears his son is in trouble made him worried but he does not know how to express that worry so he lashes out. Plus the deal crashed angering him some more. But Bart is not a perfect parent and not really a good one either. I love writing these scenes with their parents they seem so young and eager for attention but at the same time they are mature young adults who barely need their parents for a lot of things.


	12. Imperfect

Chapter 12

A.N: Believe it all not this whole fic started on the idea that Chuck and Blair both have inspired my style and influence my fashion choices. Thus, I was flipping through a magazine reading about how Kendall Jenner is Karl Lagerfeld new muse and I was thinking if Chuck and Blair were real people, they would totally be a designer's muse. Then after re-seeing the Blair and Serena photoshoot in Bad News Blair and thought what if it was Chuck and Blair. The fic was born. I know many people may have forgotten or even wondered why I bothered to have Chuck have a conversation with Marc Jacobs all the way back when. But it was for this reason. Chuck is about to become the muse for Marc Jacobs. Random, yes. But hopefully fun I promise.

Check out my new fic LoVEChrome.

Special praise to reviewer SchwarzShifter who asked if I was going to do something with the Marc Jacobs thread. Thank you to all the reviewers who constantly review almost every chapter. I really do look forward reading everyone's comments.

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I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect - they are much more interesting.- Marc Jacobs

It would not take a genius to know that Eleanor Waldorf's plan to make Serena the face of her new line hurt Blair. In that moment she went from glee at the thought that her mother came to the Ivy Mixer that she planned for weeks to hurt at her mother's ignorance. I could tell by the how her shoulder dropped slightly before she hugged her mother. It was her tell. She usually stood strong shoulders back but when she was hurt, they dropped slightly. Thinking back to what she said to me after my father berated me I felt the need to come to her aid but before could I even think about a comeback they were walking past me to the event probably towards Serena. I watched her for a quarter hour after that. She faked a smile and pretended to be happy as Serena and Eleanor discuss the situation. She slipped away as Eleanor and Serena began a two-sided conversation leaving her out of the loop.

Suddenly I felt bad for my comments over her being a bitch in heat and for making out with Jenny. In my anger at my father, I wanted to distance myself from it all by making out with Jenny. I think deep down I knew hooking up with Jenny would make Blair mad and I did it anyway. I wanted to hurt her the way that she was hurting me with so-called friendship with Nate. Not only did I do that but also I sunk to the level of calling her names. It was Catty like a high school mean girl. The look of her with tears in her eyes haunted me as I drove home in my limo alone. Drinking in the bar in my room, I just thought of eyes and the way they looked when I picked up her chin after we kissed. The tears were caused by the thought that Nate and Serena were sleeping with each other. I lied to protect her feelings and relationship with Nathaniel. It was a decision in the moment and I stood by it. Serena was right they belonged together and were far happier together. My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rang with an unrecognizable number.

"Is this Chuck?" the women on the other end of the line asked. Thinking it was a business partner concerning my proposal I responded in the affirmative.

"Chuck Bass from the party at the Waldorfs' two Wednesday's ago?" she asked to which I responded yes to again. "I am calling from Marc Jacobs's office. He was really impressed with you and told me to tell you that he has not been able to get you out of his head. He thinks you could be his male muse in way that Sofia Coppola is his female muse. He keeps saying you could be and I quote his Madonna to his Gaultier, his Catroux to Laurent, and most importantly his Jacques de Bascher de Beaumarchais to his Lagerfeld. I think I said Beaumarchais right. So what do you say?" she asked. (1)

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I told the women on the phone slightly confused but clearly recognizing all the designers she mentioned and some of the celebrities but I had no clue as to why she was calling me.

"We want you to be the face of the male line for Marc Jacobs," she told me.

I wanted to run to the Waldorf penthouse after my talk with Cheryl, Marc's assistant. After patching me over to Marc who explained his concept and how he wanted a very New York style photoshoot to play an edgy bad boy type with a woman as his moral compass guiding him around the city to find himself. He explained he was inspired by me at the Waldorf event. He wanted to play with the press he was receiving after his recent stint in rehab and according to him; there was no better way than having the New York City's bad boy front and center. I convinced him I would only do the shoot if I could pick my co-model. He was wary but when I told him my idea for Blair Waldorf, he instantly told me yes. From a business standpoint, having the Waldorf daughter in a rival print ad would stick it to Eleanor. He claimed that he saw the chemistry we had that night and hoped it reflected in the photo shoot.

Eager to tell Blair my plan to stick to her mother with the Marc Jacobs shoot I went to her house straight away. It was only when I was in the elevator did I realize that Blair and I might not be the best of friends now. It was also eight o'clock on Friday so she might be out with her girls or doing whatever she did to take over the world. Worse of all she might be here with Nate. I thought back to how quick she pushed me away after the kiss we shared today. The ding of the elevator interrupted my thoughts and I figured I might as well try to convince her to go through with this with me while I was here.

I called at her name into the darkness with no reply. No one appeared to be here. Well thank god Eleanor was not here. I was about to turn around and leave when I heard a shuffle upstairs. Concerned for Blair safety but honestly really to see if she was up there with Nate, I quickly made my way to her landing. When noises of sex, which I knew well, did not reach my ears, I debated walking back downstairs but I called out her name once more to make sure.

"Chuck?" her voice responded. It was weak and hoarse causing me concern. I slowly opened the door to her room and found her sitting on her bed looking dazed wearing black lace lingerie. Usually my eyes would focus in on all the right places but at this moment, I was only focused on her red eyes and her pink stained cheeks from crying. She was still sniffling and I realized I never seen her like this. So small so unblair. I knew she must have thrown up today. I walked closer until I kneeled by her. The guilt cut at me. I knew better than to assume that she relapsed from me especially since her mother did cut into her today but I knew my words could have not helped. She was looking at her hands in her lap unable to meet my glaze. I grabbed her hands and drew circles with my thumbs hoping to calm her down.

"Blair is everything okay?" I was whispering not wanting to cause her alarm. The softness of my voice was even softer than the day in the bathroom at the Kiss at the Lips Party.

With dazed eyes, she looked at me. "I...I... Chuck, I," she was not able to say the words but I already knew and I did not want to force her to say. I sucked in a breath as I felt the punch in my gut at the thought of Blair, my Blair hurting herself. Suddenly, wrecked with guilt at the thought that my comments could have caused this I pulled away my hands from her cold ones. Suddenly my photoshoot idea seemed insensitive and unfair. I began to walk the length of her room trying to think of the right thing to say. I was biting my knuckle when I heard her move. Tasting the saltiness of my skin, I wondered how hard I needed to bite to draw blood. I turned to watch her curl into a ball making herself even smaller against the oversized bed. I knelt down again by the side of the bed bringing my face level with hers.

"Blair I don't know what to say. I want to help. Tell me what to say to help. Please," I begged her. Her face was blank and far away.

"You don't have to say anything Chuck. You can go. Please go," her voice cracked towards the end. I debated leaving and calling Serena or Nate but I decided I could not leave her. I was surer in this moment that she was the women I loved and I vowed to never do anything that would ever make her question her beauty and her worth. I thought of her silly mother, her flake of an ex, and the liar that was her best friend. We were all inadequate to be in her world and I was determined to help her see her that.

"I want to be here," I told her honestly. It was the first true thing I told her all day. I reached out to trace her jawline. She closed her eyes when my hand touched her. "You are so beautiful. Do you even realize how," I began to compliment her until she jumped up and out of bed.

"Are you so vain to think that I need your silly words you Basstard? That they are going to make me suddenly better. That is not how this works. So don't do that! Don't sit here and try to make me feel special or wonderful. Because it just makes me feel sleazy because you Chuck Bass who just fucks everything that moves except- Just don't okay," she yelled at me. Finally, fire danced in her eyes. I stood up and she stood her ground. Wrapping the flimsy robe together against her pale skin and crossing her arms over her chest my mouth grew dry.

"I... I am sorry... I did not mean to offend you but Blair you know how gorgeous I think you are. I mean fuck Blair," I ran my eyes over her body. "Fuck," I whispered out again as I took her in. I saw her visibly shiver.

"Just as gorgeous as any other girl huh?" she asked her anger back in full force.

"Blair. No. Don't you get how different you are? How special!" my voice loud and booming at her suddenly angry that she could not see what I saw.

"Ha!" was all she said as she turned her back to me her eyes still crossed. I still saw a bit of her face through her full body mirror. I studied her, shoulder slumped defeated, which was the same way she looked when her mother told her of Serena being the new model in her line. I quietly stepped forward until I was stepping right behind her. I was not so forward as to touch her but I felt the heat radiating off her body. I could smell her sweet smell of lavender and lilac from her hair. Standing her behind her defeated form I wanted to hold her up and care for her. I wanted to love her. Hell, I did not even know what loving her entailed but I wanted to.

"Blair, you are special. Special to me. You are one of the most important people in my life. I just don't want you to hurt yourself. Please." I needed to touch her. I finally placed my hand on her upper arms siding down to her elbows pulling her closer to me flushed to my body. I hugged her tightly from behind. She fell into my body and she quickly began to cry. She turned her body crying into my chest and I tried to smooth her tears telling her wonderful she was.

When she finally stopped, she pulled away from me and ran into her bathroom locking the door behind her. The water in the bathroom began running and I banged on the door. I terrified she was going to throw up again and the thought made me sick.

"Blair, stop please," I said through the door. She opened it up with a fresh clean face.

"I was just washing my face," she told me her voice quiet and sweet.

"Blair why did you… why do you?" I was afraid to ask the question but my curiosity biting at me.

"I don't know. I started because I wanted control of something in my life and for my figure. Now the condition is controlling me. I'm just weak and… and," she started and I cut her off.

"You are the strongest person I know. So strong Blair," I told her and she gave me her cute sad smile.

"Chuck, why did," she twisted around nervously. "Why do you keep kissing me and then walking away from it… from me?"

"Blair," was all I was able to say until I walked away from her. Was this the moment that I would tell her the truth? The truth that I did not want to even admit to myself? Is this what she wanted? I thought back to the way she looked at me when she asked if Nate and Serena were still screwing around. The tears in her eyes. Then there was the issue of Nate who everyday was telling me that he was in love with her. I turned towards her again. Her hands were clenched in front her and grabbed them pulling them to my lips. Kissing them gently "you should know how much I want you. And how much I would have loved to take you in my suite, on the floor while dancing with you, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and especially in the back of my limo. But Nate, Nate is my best friend. Right now, I am trying to determine if this is worth ending that relationship because I don't think he would forgive me for sleeping with you. He thinks I am going to hurt you and he is probably right. You don't want me to be your first. I know in the moment you may want to but you are going to regret it. Trust me I am not worth it," I confessed to her giving her hands a kiss one more time before dropping them.

"I won't regret it. It would only be one time. One time and he won't have to know," while bouncing on her toes kissing me on my chin. Her innocence and sweetness on high display and I knew Nate was right I would steal that lightness. She only wanted one night and I feared that would not be enough. It might never be enough. If she only wanted one night then I would not ruin my friendship with Nate not right now not when he needed me.

"Please. I am trying to be a good friend so try not to be so appealing right now," I told her with a light smile stepping away from her but meaning every word. She finally smiled and I felt pleased. Her smile was breaking my resolve and I thought of stealing one more kiss.

"Chuck. Is that really why?" she bite her lip and I had to look away.

"Yes. God yes. Please let me think about this and try to tone down the flirting. You are killing me," I confessed. She smiled but then she scowled.

"So not like a bitch in heat?" she asked and suddenly my guilt for those words came back to me.

"I was angry when I said that at my father and at you. You've made me crazy this week, Blair. Truce for rest of the night?" She smirked at me pleased at her power.

"Truce...How crazy?" she asked her flirty smile back.

"Very. But right now I am here to support you as a friend… If we do this …when we do this then I need to make sure that we are both in the right state of mind before you know. I don't want your relapse to be a deciding factor in something like this," I told her gesturing between the both of at the word 'this'. I barely believed the words coming out of my mouth but I was determined to think before I fucked this time around.

"Seriously, when did you get a heart," she told me but this time there was a smile on her face. I wanted to roll my eyes at her irony. I just smirked at her and she rolled her eyes. "One night, Chuck" she sang and I repeated back to myself in my head. No, one night would never sustain me. Right now, right here I knew one night would only destroy me. I loved her and I needed this to be right. I needed to show her that I could do more than one night. I could be more than a one night stand and that meant not taking advantage of her in a weaken mindset. Suddenly we were both staring at each other our eye contact intense. I hoped that she could see beyond the mask of the boy that I was to the man that I would be with her for her. Maybe today I could be the good guy. The one they write movies and poems about, the one Audrey gets in her films, the one that Blair deserves but I knew I could never truly be, not for long at least.

* * *

"I came here to tell you something and I haven't even mentioned it," he said as he broke the eye contact that we had. I told him to tell me. "Not yet. Did you eat dinner?" he asked. I cringed instantly. I did have some food at the event but that was out of my system. "I am not here to force you to eat anything I promise. Honestly I was just wondering if you were hungry cause I was," he covered even though I was sure he was lying I appreciated the effort.

"There should be food in the kitchen," I informed him. I was more than surprise that he grabbed my hand on the way of the room. I was unsure whether he did it to hold my hand or to drag me to eat something. Regardless I let him lead me to the kitchen. His scent assaulted me in the most vicious way. Suddenly the manly scent I associated with him that made my knees weak made my heart beat jump. I needed to pull myself together.

"There are lamb chops over a bed of lentils in the fridge I think," I told him as I separated from hind once we were in the bright area of the kitchen. Being close to him in a dark room or limo while drunk is one thing but in the bright white shinny kitchen would force to me to confront the game we are playing. He went over to the well organize fridge that Dorota kept with two plates that he filled up. I idly tapped the marble counter as I made small talk about Nate and his family.

"Nate wants to get back with you, Blair. Are you sure you are over him?" Chuck finally asked as he placed the plates in the microwave.

"Are you asking for you or for him?" I teased with a smirk. He chuckled causing me to smile brightly. Chuck hardly ever laughed and in the moments that he did I was always happy to be the one to do so.

"Okay fine back to the truce. Let's talk about something else," he suggested.

"Like why you came here?" I asked with what I was hoping was a cute smile. He wanted over and joined me at the island siding a plate over in front of me. I raised an eyebrow with a pout as he handed me the fork.

"Take a few bites and I will tell you why I came," he bartered. My curiosity of course got the best of me but I made sure to roll my eyes when I did. Honestly, I was happy that he cared enough to come and sit with me through this. Even my sluggish mood and depression from earlier seemed to be diminishing. Chuck would be the one who could make me smile only moments after my relapse. Not only make me smile but also made me feel wanted and sexy. The way he looked at me when we were alone usually made me filled with want for him. Knowing now that he wanted me only filled me with more courage. Therefore, I took a few bites of the lentils. I needed to know why he came.

"Tell me," I told him. Three bites should be enough.

"Champagne. It is something to celebrate," he said as he stood up again but gestured to my plate again. He wanted me to take another bite. Usually, when my mother, Nate, or Serena grilled me over my food, it was annoying and I felt like a sideshow. Chuck made it feel more like a playful gesture and did not stare at me as I ate.

"There is a chilled 1990 Dom in the wine fridge. Now I am getting excited. You know I only drink it for special occasions," I told him (2).

"Seeing you in that black lace is reason enough for me," his voice was thick with want and I looked down with a grin afraid to meet his eyes. The truce would not last if I did.

"Chuck," I said playfully shaking my head. I took another bite and ignored him as he pulled out the Dom.

"I did not know the truce meant that I can't flirt with you. I just thought it meant that I cannot grab you and kiss you again," he teased and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I guess its true you do flirt with everything that moves. I think I even seen you charm Headmaster Keller."

"It almost always works too." I watched as he popped the bottle with ease.

"Tell me," I told him as he passed me a glass of Dom. He smiled at me but only filled a bucket of ice. After a long moment he finally spoke.

"Marc Jacobs called me. He wants me to be the face of a New York City-centric line and I picked you to be my co-model," he said as he raised his glass in the air for me to cling with him. But I instead I stood mouth agape and paced the glass the marble.

"Chuck are you serious I cannot do that. I am not the model type that is the reason why my mother picked Serena to model her line. Besides Jacob is my mother's rival. She would kill me," I tried to explain. Even still, I could help but feel my heartbeat speed up as I imagine myself in a spread in Vogue or around ads in the city.

"You are always wearing Marc Jacobs. It makes perfect sense. Not to mention I am not the model height so I could not stand not to a taller model type with high heels. You make perfect sense. Plus this is the perfect way to stick it to your mother for choosing Serena over you," he spoke forcefully and strongly. Walking back around the island he was once again by my side taking a seat.

"I don't know Chuck. Plus I am not sure I would be comfortable around all those cameras especially right now with all of this happening," I tried to make him see reason and I wondered what would have said about the photoshoot.

"I would be right next to you. You are so beautiful and will look amazing I know it. Come on you are comfortable around me no?" Chuck asked with a sly wink.

"What day?" I asked even though I was still unsure.

"Thursday. Take the day off school and the whole day. They are already booking locations around the city. But I won't do this with anyone but you," he was using his honest eyes on me.

I grabbed the champagne glass and rose it up for him to clink with me. "Okay, okay," I laughed along with him as we came to our agreement.

We ate and drank while we talked which eventually moved into laughter. No one quite understood me in the way that Chuck Bass did. He made me feel normal and safe. Hours after my episode he took me from feeling depressed and insecure to the feeling like the most wonderful person alive. I always had his full-undivided attention his eyes never off me. His phone ringing and beeping but he never cared about anything but me. I knew I was reading him right now and I knew he wanted me. I wanted him but the truce was in order. So we sipped on our champagne and pretend to both not feel the sexual tension that was in the room. An hour or so later the tension was growing. I was shivering more from the look in his eyes then the fact that I was only wearing a flimsy lingerie. With each passing moment, I suddenly felt more and more naked. His eyes roamed over me from time to time before he righted himself and would look at my face. But the moments that his eyes drifted away were growing and I knew it was getting hard for him to ignore it as we finished the bottle together. I knew I was much tipsier than he was. His tolerance for alcohol was too high for him to get drunk off half a bottle of champagne but eyes were darkening and his drunken gaze that I knew well was appearing. Tossing my hair naturally back over my shoulder exposing my neck he stopped mid-sentence and hissed. My eyebrows raised in response. But we were both silent and the tension reached a boiling point. He slowly got up off the stool standing next to me and I had to look up at him. He reached over to the bucket of ice with the empty bottle of Dom and plucked an ice cube from it. My breath hitched as he used the two fingers to guide the ice over my neck and I tilted to give him more access as he rolled it down stopping before the valley of my breast. Picking it up and popping it into his mouth before licking his lips. Squeezing my lips together I watched his every move.

"Delicious," he said as he tasted the ice that he rolled over my skin. I took a deep breath realizing I was holding it. The coldness of the ice and the heat of the moment made my skin burn as my nipples tighten. He glanced down alerting my attention to my breast before he backed up and I watched him gulped down whatever remained of the ice cube. He turned and left without another word. Only the trail of water that dipped into the valley of my breast down to my bellybutton. I was left sitting full on food but feeling empty in a completely different way. I groaned aloud as I throw my hand down on the counter. Basswhole. I knew that despite whatever agreement we made today the next day we were alone we were going to go at it. Even if I had to tie him, down and gag him. Reaching over I picked up an ice cube and sucked on it hoping to cool down.

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1 List of famous designers and the muses that have inspired them. Sofia Coppola is truly Marc's most famous muse. She is a screenwriter, director, actor, and producer. Her father is the director of the Godfather trilogy. Since 2002, she has been a various number of shots for different aspects of his work. They are very good friends with her appearing in campaigns and him designing some of the most important dresses in her life. A great article in Harper's titled "Marc and Sofia: the Dreamy Team" calls them one of 'fashion great platonic love stories'. The idea of a person inspiring art is just so romantic and creative.

2 Dom Perignon is a vintage champagne and the company only produce years with yield the highest quality grapes. They are released after they mature. There are three different peaks of maturities when it comes to Dom: First Peak (7 years) Second Peak (15-20 years) Third Peak (25 years). Certain years are considered better than others are. Today a 1990 Bottle retails around or above the 225-dollar range.

A.N: Not a lot of action just setting the stage for the next chapter. I am sure that many people wanted Blair to be angry about the Jenny thing but I do not think she would have been extremely angry about this happening at this point in the Jenny-Blair dynamic. Blair's feelings for Chuck may be growing but Blair is denier. My Jenny wants to use Chuck for his power because she aware that he is Blair's most important ally. Of course, Blair believes that Jenny poses little threat at this point rather than annoyance. Chuck is much more mature than here than in the show but my excuse for that is I believe that his acknowledgment of his love/need to protect her is overly controlling his lust.

We really have reached a boiling point. Next chapter will have the moment everyone has been waiting for, finally yes. The episode Dare Devil will be replaced and rather the Lost Weekend is going to be a Lost Weekend for both the girls and the guys separate of course. Therefore, Blair and Serena will have their best friend moment and Nate and Chuck are going to clear the air.

Special Note: I thought it would be fun for the Lost Weekend to be companion fics and be in other character's POV's. Thus the lost weekend will truly be lost from the POV's of our main characters. It will allow me the time to clear up some of the other story lines and I make certain things clear. **So there will be a companion fic to this fic**. The lost weekend chapters may or not be posted in linear time thus in this fic we might move past that but the events of the lost weekend will affect the timeline of this fic. So look out for that soon.


	13. Chapter 13A

Summary: Using the major storylines from season one Dangerous Affections is told only through the point of view of Chuck and Blair. Beginning with Serena's arrival in town Chuck stops Nate and her from almost having sex. Chuck threatens Serena and Nate to tell Blair about their past indiscretions before snapping a photo of them. Rejected and hurt over all the betrayal Blair has a relapse in her struggle with her eating disorder, which is an ongoing issue. As part of her revenge, Blair hooks up with Chuck until he realizes that she is using him to get back at Nate. Meanwhile, Bart and Chuck cannot seem to be on the same page. At Blair's Kiss on the Lip's Party Nate confronts Blair over photos she sent to his mother and Dan and Chuck begin their rivalry after Chuck trying to sleep with Jenny. After a night of flirting at the party, Chuck leaves Blair high and dry which begins the hot and cold vibe that he is continuing to send her. Blair is determined to seduce Chuck and he was determined to ignore her. After Blair rejects Nate's proposal his ring is stuck on her finger leading to rumors of an engagement. The shock of seeing Blair with an engagement ring on forces Chuck to conclude that he is in love with Blair. Nate's father is arrested on time to stop a possible hook up between Chuck and Blair. Chuck arrives at Blair's door overcome by his feelings with her before realizing that Nate was in Blair's penthouse feeling foolish and dissuaded he leaves. At the Ivy Mixer, Chuck makes out with Jenny angering Blair hurting her. Blair and Chuck make out angrily having their first fight and Chuck lies to her about knowing of Serena and Nate. Meanwhile, Chuck and Bart have a tense argument and Blair tries to come to his defense. Eleanor's fashion campaign with Serena as the poster girl disappoints Blair. Chuck comes to Blair to inform her about the Marc Jacobs's photoshoot but he finds her after another relapse. Their feelings are now in the open but they agreed to temporary truce in order for Chuck to understand what to do about Nate.

A.N: Chapter 13 was excessively long so I needed to cut it down. Consider this Chapter 13 Part I. A teaser, really. I thought it would be fun to show them at school since I never get to. In addition, I missed Dorota. The next chapter will have the photoshoot, & Blair and Chuck finally giving in to temptation. Part II will be up very soon. I have mostly written and I still need to edit it it but the length was pushing 10,000 words and I thought it best to slim it down. The moment I decieded to make it two parts I figured I might as well get this fluff out there.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, any of the locations, places, people, or event that have been mentioned in this story. There are plenty of name and location mentioned none of which belong to me.

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Chapter 13A

"Life is short. Eat dessert first."- Ernestine Ulmer

It Tuesday, only four days after Chuck left my apartment before sliding ice down my body. It was all I could think about the moment I closed my eyes to sleep at every night. Unfortunately, we have had little interaction since then and from the glare he was giving me across the courtyard, I knew he was mad at me. I swore there was heat radiated off his body. I knew it was silly and maybe wrong but as much as his anger cause me some pause it also made me want to fight with him if only to make up. I knew my fantasies were distracting me. We were sitting in the courtyard at lunch and I was with my upperclassmen minions while Chuck and Nate were sitting across the courtyard planning their Lost Weekend with their guy friends. Well they were more Nate's friend than Chucks.

"Blair, why do you keep looking at Chuck and Nate?" Hazel asked and I quickly turned to glare at her. It was the way that she said Chuck's name that gave me pause but her face gave nothing away from her innocence. I knew I was being paranoid.

"Nate and Blair are practically getting married. I don't know why you are allowing him to have the lost weekend," Penelope answered for me. I knew she was trying to get back on my good graces but the girl needed to know her place and not speak for me.

"No, Nate and I are over," I once again tried to explain but no one ever seemed to be listening or believed me. Even Serena seemed to think that Nate and I were suddenly destined to be.

"But the New York Post and Gossip Girl," Hazel began and I cut her off quickly with a glare.

"Are nothing but a bunch of silly gossipers who have nothing better to do then pretend they know more about my life than I do," I finished off.

Nate and I rumors took off once again when on Sunday I was with the Archibald/Vanderbilt clan at their family estate. Nate had called me earlier on Sunday explaining that they was a family dinner and his mother said he could invite me. He said the pressure was going to be too much and he could really use a friend. I knew the clan was none too fond of Chuck so I figured I was his only option so I attended. I had no idea that by family dinner he meant his grandfather, mother, and himself. I was expecting the entire well-bred socialite family. When the press came for the evening news for a statement from Anne I was more than surprised when the fixer that William Vanderbilt hired ushered me on stage behind Anne as she read her statement while Nate held my hand. There I stood on live TV standing with and behind the Vanderbilt's. Within moments, Gossip Girl blasted the event.

 _The evening news just went live to answer the question we all wanted to know: are they or aren't they together. Blair seems to be a ride or die Upper East Sider edition following in the footsteps of very own Senator Clinton. I guess the bombshell isn't the blond in this tale rather it is the shocker that after all these weeks of love squares and triangles we are back to the story where the Queen lands her Prince. Yawn, I was so ready to close the book on this played out fairytale. The Eyewitness News may have gotten this scoop before me but don't forget I am always watching_

 _-XOXO you know you love me. (1)_

So went the rumors. I confronted Nate afterwards and he swore that it happened so fast he was not really thinking. He apologized for inviting me and suddenly I questioned whether Nate was playing me. The whole day felt weird and I was confused as to why I was even there. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured that Nate probably failed to tell Anne we were no longer together and invited me in order to save himself from having that conversation at this time with her. As much as that annoyed me, I could not really blame him. I debated calling Chuck and explaining the situation to him but I did not even know how to explain it myself. Did I owe Chuck anything especially if this was only going to be a one-night stand? When did losing one's virginity become so complicated? Monday it was clear he was giving me the cold shoulder and I did not hear a word from him even when I tried to engage him a conversation in front of Serena. I was embarrassed then but today I was annoyed, frighten, and intrigued.

"Shouldn't we be talking about Serena's photoshoot today," I said refusing to answer another question about Nate and me so I changed the topic.

Serena was test shooting today after school and officially tomorrow for the line. We had a studio booked and I knew my mother wanted me to be there. However, tomorrow I had to attend dress fittings for my own secret shoot. I knew the second the shoot happened people were going to find out but for the moment we were keeping it concealed. I used Chuck's lawyer for my contract rather than risk my mother finding out. I was happy to be working with Cheryl on details rather than Chuck. Since Sunday, I was afraid Chuck was going to cancel the shoot especially since he had yet to say a world to me. The girls were busy talking modeling when I caught Chuck's eye from across the courtyard. Penelope loved talking about her days as a kid model for J. Crew. I could tell even from the distance that is lips were tightly pressed together and his jawline was sharp and stiff. He was incredibly hot. He looked away and down to his phone. Seconds later, my phone vibrated in my lap and I commented on the conversation about my mother's bossiness before looking down to see the text.

It was from Chuck: **One minute. Art room**

The frighten arousal was back. Well mainly aroused and I text back an uncommitted simple 'K'. I felt his anger from here. I smirked to myself before excusing myself to for a quick meeting the literature teacher. I loved getting under his skin. There were only a few minutes before lunch was only I did not want to waste a moment of it. I was in the art room only a second before Chuck walked it. It may have been eager to arrive before he did but I could care less. The moment he entered he grabbed turned me around and hoisted me up to sit on a desk. His lips attacked mine and we both fought for dominance. He bit down painfully on my bottom lip before moving back from me. I slapped his shoulder roughly as payback as I licked my bottom lip happy he did not draw blood. We both looked at each other out of breath with questioning glares.

"This thing with Nate, he is convinced that you two are getting back together," he told me. I shook my head forcefully.

"I told him many times. It is just not true. I am only there as his friend. I don't even know how I ended up at that press release," I tried to explain. But his glare was strong and it made me nervous. "What can I do to show you that?"

His glare turned into his soft smile the one that I have been on the receiving end of more and more. Whenever I saw it, a tightening in my chest occurred. He stepped closer to me running a thumb over my bottom lip. "No blood?" he asked his voice soft and caring. I shook my head no. "I am sorry for grabbing you like that," he confessed. I could not help but smirk.

"I think I like it rough," I responded. His eyebrow quirked up and a lecherous dark look was displayed on his face.

"Good to know," he whispered before he leaned in to once again make contact with my lips claiming me once more. I wrapped my legs around his waist as we made out. There was no rush or anger. It was a simple make out session. It was as if we both knew there was more to come and this was only the beginning. Besides squeezing my thighs his hands never roamed anywhere but my back. I was disappointed and unsatisfied when he pulled away. He did not step back and my arms were still around him as were his arms around me. I could not help but pout to which he responded by kissing my bottom lip.

"No pouting or I'll bite you again," he threatened. It was playful and sweet. Something a boyfriend would say. Suddenly that beating in my heart grew and I knew I needed to stop myself before I fell too deep. I promise him and myself one night. I knew that if I continue I would catch feelings. I was not the type to just sleep with a guy and not feel something for him. I knew feeling for Chuck was dangerous. I already admitting to liking him and if I fell any further I was not going to be able to big myself out.

"Not really a threat," I retorted back.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Because then you are probably going to end up kissing me," I teased him my hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Well in that case pout some more," he said with his smile larger than I had ever seen. It took my breath away to see him so happy. I loosened my grip on him and brought up my hand to run it threw his hair. It was so soft and I ruffled it making it out of place.

"Seriously, Chuck. I don't want Nate not the way I want you," I told him. His breathing slightly hitched before he leaned in for yet another kiss. This time it was messy and demanding as if he was claiming my mouth. Grabbing the back of my neck, he pulled my lip in as close to possible to his. I moaned into the kiss pressing myself closer to him. It was my turn to pull away from this kiss. I was unbelievably happy in the moment and I could not help but grin stupidly.

"Busy after school?" he asked.

"Yea, the test shoot for Waldorf Designs is today," I informed him. He arranged my hair correctly trying to undo the mess he just made.

"Lunch is ending Bass," I warned him knowing we both needed to go to the class or leave the school. Either way we needed to deicide now. He pulled farther back and let go of me but still looked happy.

"Did Cheryl call you for your measurements," he asked changing the topic of the conversation. For whatever reason he had I guess he was still holding back.

"Yes, everything is set up. I am kinda excited," I admitted as I slipped off the desk.

"I will pick you up early in the morning on Thursday," he told me.

"See you then, Bass," was all I said before leaving the room the grin still on my face.

* * *

"Well, well if it isn't little J," I told Jenny when I saw her at my locker Wednesday morning with a grin on my face. The girl did not give up but I knew Blair might not forgive me this time for messing with her so I knew I needed to stay away.

"I am not here for you like that," she said a smile still plastered on her face and I waited for her to move so I could access my locker but she did not. I was getting annoyed fast her games were boring.

"So why are you here?" I asked.

"This," she held up a photo of Blair and me from yesterday in the art room. "I could send it to Gossip Girl or you can help me," She said as she moved shook the pink razor phone in my face.

I rolled my eyes. Being caught before was never an issue but Blair made things complicated. Part of me wanted Nate to know and the other part knew that it should come from me. However, the part that was winning now told me to hid this from him. Blair and I already agreed that once we had sex that was it. One time and done even though I wanted more there was no guarantee that there would be.

"What do you want?" I asked the girl. I knew a shakedown when I saw one.

"My brother told me you told him that Nate and Serena were still hooking up after she came back to town. Do you have proof?" she asked.

"Why, what is it to you?" I asked unclear why the freshman wanted proof of Nate and Serena.

"We exist in hierarchy at this school and we are supposed to know our places. I knew mine. I was fine with mine but with Serena, back I have been pushed even further down. I want to move up but with Blair and Serena, cutting everyone else out Blair hardly hangs out with us anymore. I just want to make sure that Blair knows who her real friends are," she said. She was clever that was for sure and I did not believe her for a moment.

"Information is power Little J. But with power comes new enemies. You should be more careful," I warned her and nudged her aside to get to my locker.

"If you have a photo we could trade picture for picture. Simple two sets of the foursome for the other," she teased. I clenched my jaw trying to think on my feet. Should I give her the photo? No, she was not to be trusted.

"No, photo, sorry. I am not accustomed to snapping photos of my friends going at it," I lied.

"So they went at it?" she asked to confirm. "Tell me what you know."

"Look it was a lie that I told your brother to get rid of his foolish crush on Serena. How about this you don't show anyone that photo and I won't tell Blair that you are trying to blackmail me," I threaten. She told me she would not post anything. I nodded. Before I walked away, I told her "I don't know what the big deal is, it was weeks ago." I was trying to diminish what was happened but it was best if Jenny thought it was not important gossip.

"I am sure Blair thinks it is, though," were her final words. I was only hopeful that Jenny would stop before she began. I did not see any play that she had. If she released it, Blair was going to be livid. There was no play that did not end in her destruction but even still, I wanted to be careful. I needed to follow her today.

I followed her to her home that day after school. I had to rent a town car rather than my usual stretch limo. I needed to hide in plain sight. I followed her to Brooklyn and discovered she lived in one of the converted warehouse lofts. My knowledge in real estate alerted me to the fact that was not the most expensive neighborhood in Brooklyn nor was it the most expensive real estate property. With a quick google search, I found her father was some outdated musician who apparently was smart enough to save enough money to send two kids to prep school. Jenny was no Upper East Sider but I could tell she wanted to be. She wanted the clothes, the money, and the power. I figured giving her ten thousand for the photo would be appealing to her and I made a note to head to the bank sometime this week but I was in no rush. She was not a top priority.

* * *

I was nervous. Beyond nervous and Dorota was not making things easier. I finally opened up to her about the shoot and she seem worried.

"Miss Blair, are you sure. Your mama not going to be very happy," she told me in warning.

"I know that is the point. She used Serena for her photoshoot because I was not good enough for and Marc Jacobs thinks I am. So it is her lost," I retort back. I was ready too soon and I was placing the foyer.

"Okay but with Mister Chuck?" she asked making a sour face.

"Yes, he is a friend Dorota so stop making that face," I hated to know that she disproved of him.

"Mister Chuck is doing this for you. He thinks this will be pay back against Mrs. Eleanor. But I know her better. She is even scarier when angry," she tried to reason with me. I rolled my eyes.

"He is doing this so I that gain some confidence in myself and because we are friends," I tried to move the conversation away from my mother who currently upstairs sleeping and did not need to know of my plans.

"Ha, friends. Złego początku, zły koniec," she muttered under her breath (2).

"cicho bądź," telling her to be quiet in Polish, Throwing her hands up in the arm before walking away I knew she thought I should not go through with this but I wanted to.

I rode the elevator done to the lobby to wait there. Why did I agree to do this? Cheryl informed me that I should not wear makeup or do my hair before the shoot. That people were going to do it for me. So here I was, waiting for Chuck Bass to pick me up sans make-up or hair done. I felt boring and plain. I should have never agreed when he texted me last night to pick me up in the morning for the shoot. I needed to arrive earlier than he did because of the said hair and makeup but he offered to stay with me. He said it was for moral support I think he thought I was going to run away. So I waited in a navy button down and forest green knee length skirt with red pumps. A navy trench opened because it was surprisingly too warm this morning to close. My hair was in a simple bun and I had over-sized glasses on my face. I applied pink blush ignoring Cheryl request. I was excessively pale without the blush in order to be comfortable.

I saw Chuck's limo pull up. He was right on time and if I thought, I was nervous before I was even more nervous now. Harold, the door attendant, who was surprised to see me so early greeted with a smile. I was too tense to respond. He opened the door as Chuck was coming out of his limo. There he stood hair unkempt and I wondered he was told not to use product as well. I smiled when he held the door open for me. I realized that he had gotten us coffee and muffins. I thanked him but the closeness in our quarters was far too tight and the butterflies were on a fast loop.

I played with the lid of the coffee cup as Chuck took a call. From the sounds of it, the person seemed to be Marc Jacobs. I stiffed in my seat and I wondered if he was going to be at the shoot early. Cheryl said he was going to stop by mid-day. This early in the morning was too soon. I was shaken out of my fright when I felt a warm hand grab my hand and interlace his hand with mine. I looked up at him he smiled at me and I smiled back. He still on the phone but he was looking at me. He ran circles on the back of my hand and suddenly I was nervous about him rather than the shoot. I took a sip of my coffee as an excuse to look away. It was a French vanilla cappuccino from Oslo Coffee Roasters, my favorite (3). I knew that they were not open this early in the morning so he would have had to get them to open up for him. I left the muffin untouched the butterflies in my stomach were moving too much. It was the things like this that I found the most confusing. How simple and easy this felt. How right it felt. Today we were going to have to spend a lot of time together. A lot of time and I needed to get my feelings under control.

"Marc is very excited about this," he shared with me after his call ended. I noticed he was in a good mood and I was quickly excited myself.

"He is excited about you, not me," I told him but my grin was betraying my emotions. He leaned over and took the sunglasses from my face. I tried to move out of the way to stop him but I was conscience of spilling the coffee in my hand.

"Don't be nervous. I am going to be by your side the whole time. By the end of the day, they are going to be amazed with the both of us. Now at least take a bite of the muffin, please it's going to be a long day. I made sure that Cheryl is going to have sparking water on hand for you and your favorite chocolate croissants from Ceci-Cela. When we are done, she promised me that we will have Dark Chocolate Cake with their house Apricot confiture from Café Sabarsky," he said. I had no response but shock and a small nod. I grabbed the glasses out of his hand and put them back on my face. I do not know how he knew all my favorites or why he made it clear that he knew. I wondered if it was simple recon by one of his PIs or if over the years, he figured me out, watching me. (4)

"Thank you," my voice was as shaky as my emotions. I tried to wash down the butterflies with a gulp of coffee because I had a feeling Chuck knew everything he knew because he far more observant than I ever thought.

* * *

1 Hilary Clinton was the Senator from New York at the time. Eyewitness News is the local ABC news for the city.

2 Bad beginnings, bad endings. Polish saying I got from internet. I hope it is right.

3 Oslo is a chain coffee bar that has a quaint location in Yorkville. Yorkville is a technically a neighborhood in the Upper East Side closer to the river. I just considered it part of UES but according to goggle it is technically in Yorkville. Learning new things everyday.

4 Ceci-Cela is often voted the best croissant in the City especially their chocolate croissant 'pain au chocolat' that Blair in my story loves. Ceci-Cela is located in the Nolita neighborhood by Soho. Café Sabarsky is just a cool location that I was trying to include somehow in this fic. It is located in the Neue Galerie Musum for German and Austrian Art a fairly new museum. To get a lunch reservation you **need** to be a member of the museum. Dinners are open to the public. The café is fitted with period objects from the furniture, fabric, and lighting. The Museum is across the street from Central Park a few blocks from the Met. The building itself is amazing so look it up the museum is in what is known as the William Starr Miller House. From the café, you can look out and see Central Park. I may use this setting again because it is wonderful and so UES so look out for it.

A.N: The next part of this chapter will be up soon. Not much happens here but I wanted to show this scene with Jenny because when I was writing the Lost Weekend I did not want this Jenny storyline to seemingly come from nowhere. But Little J is the game to play.


	14. Chapter 13b

A.N: This is of course the major turning point of the story. Everything is coming together and we are going to be at the end soon. I am not writing chapters in this fic for Dare Devil per say. So the chapter here will be Handmaiden's Tale (1.06).

I decided against writing a sex scene and rather went suggestive with a brief description. There is some heavy flirting and sexual tones from Chuck per usual.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, any of the locations, places, people, or things that are mentioned in this story. There are plenty of real people and locations mentioned none of which belong to me.

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Chapter 13b

She was beautiful. But I knew I was being far too obvious with her after her reaction in the limo earlier today. All of my attention surprised her. I needed to tone down the eager to please puppy act. I was watching the makeup artist paint her face and the hair stylist do her hair but I could care less about that. Her smile instead grabbed my attention. I felt proud that I was able to do something to bring that smile to her face. The manicurist was currently working on my manicure. Just then, Blair looked over at me and smiled brightly in my direction. I winked in response. We were only moments away from the first shoot of the day. Marc's people had booked various sets around the city and we were going to be here for a 10-15 hour day. There was a chance that it might leak on Gossip Girl and Eleanor would find out by the end of the day but right now Blair was as excited as I have ever seen her.

I would like to say that I had Nathaniel's blessing on sleeping with Blair. I had all week to get it. Every time it was on the tip of my tongue, I stopped myself. He just kept mentioning how he wanted to get back with her and how much his mother loved Blair. I knew I should stay away from her but the shoot was set and in a contract. Moreover, if Tuesday was an indication there was no way I was going to keep my hand off her for long. However, Jenny made it clear that I would need to be more hidden if Blair and I wanted to find time at school. Blair decided that she only wanted one night that much was clear and while I wanted to change her mind, I was not hopeful. So I decided to go about this with Blair hopefully knowing the shoot will give us the perfect cover. If Nathaniel asked, I would tell him we spent the day at the shoot together and I was too tired after the long day of work to answer his call and if he came to my suite, I would lie and say I went home with a model. I told myself the onetime event would not be a betrayal of my friendship to Nate. I was grateful for my miniscule morality which meant my guilt was not devastating.

"We are moving in five!" the assistant to the head photographer yelled out. Juergen Teller who had done all of Marc's advertising since 1997 was head of our shoot so I knew that Blair knew how much money and seriousness the brand was placing in this ad(1).

The first shoot was taking place at the Plaza Hotel. By using New York as the backdrop in these photos, we were supposed to be recreating iconic scenes or locations that we truly 'New York'. We were at the Plaza Hotel in the front of the building taking in the direction of Teller huddled around a coffee table. We were able to get the front of the building closed to pedestrians but for only twenty minutes. It was the tightest time slot for a shoot today and needed to be perfect. Blair was supposed to be crossing the street walking my direction with purpose and confidence but in a rush. We were supposed to inspire the film 'The Way we Were'. The first three takes were rough and Blair's facial expressions were not displaying the right emotion. I could tell Teller was becoming discouraged and his stress was reflecting in Blair. I asked a pause and Blair walked over to me. (2)

"Blair, pretend that I am standing here with your favorite macaroons and you need to cross that street to get to me," I teased her trying to lighten the mood but now she just look even more stiff. I rubbed her shoulders.

"You are beautiful. When you smile, you light up the city. So smile for me," I told her and she looked me with a smile on her lips that was growing but her nose scrunched up briefly in annoyance. It was a childhood habit that Blair tried very consciously to rid herself years ago. I gave her a quick kiss on her nose unable to not find it remarkably nostalgic and sweet as memories of much simpler times ran through my head. Blair, above all was one of my oldest friends before my clever rich bored façade took over. Even then her smile light up my world.

"Wait my camera! Now!" Teller yelled. I looked up wondering what he was talking about until I realized he meant us.

"A kiss, we need a taxi in front of the building. Move that in now. You stand here and Blair you walk to him on the same side of the street. Let him grab you and kiss you. I need the fan, lightly, lightly okay…. Chuck hand on her waist," he directed us in our way. "Perfect. Closer and can you two kiss?" he asked and I let Blair answer yes. "Opened mouth…. Closed mouth. Okay this is great. We are continuing with this but in variations. Suits jacket on and off and one with Blair leaning on the taxi. Another one with her sitting in the taxi facing the me with the door open and legs hanging out and Chuck was facing the me," Teller was in his mood shouting off his direction. Blair was following everything to a T. We were having fun in the moment and I love how often I was able to kiss her in public on a New York street even if it was just for a camera. Before I knew it, we were in a car moving to the next shoot.

"I think that went well alright," she said but it was more of a question than a statement.

"Of course it went well," I respond. In the back seat of the SVU, while one of the assistant told us about the next shoot and the outfits. I wanted so badly to hold on to her and kiss her again but I did not know if it was okay to do in front of all these people off camera. She was sitting as far as possible from me her body tense again. I knew better than to cross that imaginary line in the sand.

The next shoot took place in a close off section of the Whitney in the guise of replicating the scene from _Manhattan_. (3) Blair was set to be looking at art and I was a couple steps away looking at her. Blair was in her element now in one of her favorite museums. I could tell she was excited over replicating famous New York movies especially some of her beloved films. I stared at her posing my jacket thrown over my shoulder casually examining her facial features at she looked at 20th century American art. All I wanted from her was just to be close to her. It was that simple. Betraying my emotions and the direction of Teller I walked causally up to her slightly to her right leaning my hand against the wall as she looked at mid-century sculpture. I heard the camera snapping and she turned to look at me aware I was closer. Her smile was genuine. I wanted to store this in my memory forever.

She was soon in her element in between her takes ordering people around, laughing with the stylists, and engaging one of the most famous fashion photographers in conversations about the photographing commercial versus couture. She was bossy, bratty, confident, and brilliant. For each of those traits, I admired her. I loved it when she took charge of a room in a matter of moments so quickly she could have asked them all of the assistants and interns to salute her and they would. Some people took over a room with laughter and humor like Serena would but Blair did with it intelligence and confidence. It was rare to find in a woman so young and so sure, of who she was.

When we finally broke for lunch, she thanked me for thinking of her for the shoot.

"As if there is anyone else that would look this good next to me," I admitted with a wink. "Or that I can stand for these many hours," teasing her to backtrack my words just in case.

We were at the home base eating lunch sitting on a sofa in what was usually a waiting room. The hairstylist who was arranging Blair's hair into a very messy volume up high for the next scene said, "You two are adorable couple and it's so awesome that ya can do this together. How long have you been dating?" she asked.

I thought Blair would freeze up but instead she laughed and said, "We are only together on Thursdays and every other Monday. We cannot be this nice for more time to that," I laughed along and agreed.

As day wore on and as we grew further comfortable with each other, I knew that tonight was going to be the night that Blair and I were finally going to have do what were flirting around for weeks. In a moment of free time when she was getting ready for another shoot I made a call to the staff at the Palace to ensure a room would be ready for tonight. I was grateful that no dignities were in town when I was informed that the Royal Suite was open tonight and I made sure it was ours. The room was legendary and I knew Blair was going to be impressed. There was a private elevator, personal chef service and the French décor was perfect for her taste in furnished with silks and gold. It lavish and dripping in expense, which was perfect for her. The bathroom had an amazing oversized soaking tub that made my imagination run wild.

"Your hair is so messy in these shoots. It looks like bed hair," she said as she ruffled my hair further. We were alone now finishing our lunch leaning back on the sofa as we waited.

"I am supposed to be wolfishly handsome like this," I said with a sly wink.

"Like a wolf stalking his prey?" she asked. She moved closer to me on the sofa leaning into my body now. We found ways to touch each other as the day progress. Small ways but need was present. I imagined if I were her boyfriend this is what this found feel like. Boyfriend, ha. A whole day with Blair was making me confuse my fiction with my reality.

"I suppose if you are the prey," I told her as pulled her close to me. Sitting like this in a room filled with people willingly to do whatever we asked as we were beginning to make our mark on the city that stood at our feet made me wonder about the power we could have.

"If I am, you still need to catch me," she teased.

"Here I thought I already had you" I joked back. The carefree and easiness of the moment was not lost on me.

"No one _has_ me," she warned. I chuckled and she smiled.

Around two after we made it to the third shoot. It was the one Blair was waiting all day for. Tiffany's and Co. Rather than mimic the famous scene of Audrey looking into Tiffany's the shot was going to depict the two of us in the store lavishing 'shopping' while someone peered at us from outside. Blair was lying down on the counter with only black bra and red shorts with pearls and diamond draped from her body and thigh high boots. Her hair was wild and large. I was sure there were hairpieces in there and her makeup was dark and a sexy red lip. She could barely move since the jewelry was all purposefully placed on her body covering her chest, upper arms, and ribcage with skin peeking out. There was hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth laying on her skin. Her makeup was dark and alluring and I was set to hold a handful of jewelry in my hands as if I was letting it fall to her body. She looked so fucking hot. I wanted her in that moment then and there. I wanted to fuck her on a bed of diamonds and pearls and I did not care if Audrey Hepburn rose from the dead herself to watch from that window.

It was in that shoot that Marc Jacobs finally came to the location in order to see the progress of the day. His presence shook up the room and suddenly everyone was on their best behavior for the boss. Jacobs was probably the busiest man in all of fashion as the creative director of Louis Vuitton as well as his own namesake empire. Here he was with a huge smile on his face and jovial personality that was instantly likeable. As someone who is constantly bored with others I found him to be a creative genius and overall an interesting man. I was worried that Blair would tense up.

"I've seen the rough shots back at the office. They are amazing. I really must ask that you two sit for me while I work on my next line," he told us as he walked on to our scene. I helped Blair sit up making sure that none of the pieces dropped. "There is something alluring and pulling in the photo that you two take. I have been looking over sighting of the two of you going back a year and I found a blog that is almost dedicated to you, Blair. Gossip something,"

"Gossip Girl, the bane of my existence, "she joked.

"I could imagine. I thought the media hounding me was bad. But you two seemed to be very important in the Upper East Side," he said complimenting us both.

"Our last names and such," I shrugged it off thinking back to my father's comment last week. I felt Blair squeeze one of hands while Jacobs chuckled.

"Yes having Bass's son on this is going to be interesting to say the least. I saw on that Gossip site that the style that the both of you have is outstanding. People already seem to want to be you so let's hope they want to be you in my clothes," Jacobs said as a true businessman. Blair blushed lightly at the praise.

"Well I hope you saw how often I wore your line," Blair complimented. "And how often he wears purple," she teased me. I chuckled.

"The color of royalty," I added.

"Well you two truly look like royalty. There was a great photo of you two at your father's brunch Chuck. Usually white next to white is too innocent but there was something dark even still in you both. Well besides the black eye you were sporting," he joked with us revealing his intensive search of Gossip Girls. Things I knew Blair wished people would never know but a google search of her name made that a fantasy.

"Don't worry he deserved the black eye," Blair said making Jacobs laugh aloud.

"I am sure he did. I am serious about the sketches. I am going to hang out for a few more minutes and watch the shoot. If you need anything let me know."

We changed our positions for our next shoot. She was sitting on the counter her legs wrapped around my waist and she leaned all the way back until her head was falling off the counter until she was looking upside down at the camera. I then took one of her legs and positioned her leg on my shoulder to make sure the Jacob's boot was on display. As sexy as the scene had seemed in my head we instead spent most of it laughing mixed with Blair's threats if I dropped her she was kill me.

Before we knew it, we were on the last shoot of the day. The last scene we shot was in the Palace Hotel in what is known as the Gallery Room (5). It was Blair's favorite room when we were children and she would constantly try to sneak away whenever she could. Growing up in a hotel, you know all its secret and hideaways but Blair was never interested in playing hide and seek here. No, she would always come here to stare at the huge 7x7 images of Audrey, Marilyn, Grace Kelly and other Hollywood classical beauties. The rich wood paneling on the wall and the dark rich wood with the ornate fireplace alongside some of the glamourous women the world has known might seem out of place but not to Blair. When we were growing into our teen years, she told me once the room amassed what she wanted to portray old Hollywood with a traditional look that knows no era; timeless. In the shoot, Blair was pushing back my chair with her heel as I sat staring up at her my hand moving up her leg where the dress spilt apart. Blair then pulled at my bowtie pretend to pull it off me softly in her direction for the camera. One image only had her bare leg hanging off a chase an exclusive ostrich leather heel on display as walked into the scene. Another had her laying under the photo of Marilyn at my feet. We were both supposed to be looking at the camera but I could not help but continue to take glances at her. The tension and heat that was coming off both our bodies was real and was everything Teller wanted.

We ended close to eight as we watched Teller do some preliminary editing as he show us the dark filter he was planning on using and went deeper into message he wanted to convey. He picked out a couple dozen favorites from every shoot. Every one of them showed the undeniable lust. Blair redressed in one of the gifted dresses from the shoot and kept the dark makeup on. She looked years older than I have ever seen her and I knew she was going to have everyone's attention. Being in the Palace I invited her dinner at one of the restaurants in the building and we were seated immediately. We discussed school, the shoot, our parents, and other things. The conversation was not only easy but enjoyable. I told her about Jenny's blackmail bringing out the bitch I adored.

"She did what?" she asked her eyes going wide and fierce with anger.

"She tried to blackmail me. She has a photo of us from Tuesday," I explained to her as I sipped on the white wine.

"She told you think yesterday and you are just telling me now? Chuck, she has a mean streak in her. Why do you think I let her be a minion. Game know game," she said and I could tell she was getting worked up. I regretted even mentioning the situation to her. I wanted this night to remain fun and carefree.

"It's gonna be okay. No matter what she does she risk losing your favor which she would not do," I tried to let her see my reason.

"Chuck, but if the picture gets out Nate is going to find," her voice go low as she became paranoid looking over her shoulders.

Clenching my fist under the table I asked "Do you still care what he thinks. Blair I can't have you and then you go back to him. It... it isn't right. Not if he is my best friend." I was trying to hold the anger back.

"No, I mean for your friendship with Nate. You said he wouldn't forgive you for this. I am only concerned over that," she exclaimed. I examined her closely trying to determine if she meant what she said.

"Okay. I will handle it tomorrow at school," I finally said. A smile came upon her face.

"The sooner the better. So... the truce is over and you need to tell me now are we or aren't we going to having sex," the confidence poured from her as she took a bite from our shared cheesecake. I had to catch my breath as she caught me off guard. If I was not hard before I definitely was now. Nevertheless, I had one more hand up my sleeve that I wanted to play.

"Of course. But I want to show you something first," I told her and she looked surprised.

"I did not know you had so much self-control Bass," she told me.

"Self-control is key how else I am going to be able to please you again, and again, and again," I shamelessly flirted. It was her turn to raise her eyebrows in surprise.

"I did not think you would have put this much effort into scoring a one-night stand," she joked.

"I want it to be special for you," I admitted and I fought a blush at my own words feeling suddenly silly for trying too hard.

"Well I am sure it is going to be a night I won't ever forget. Thank you for this Chuck. You really are a good friend," I kept the smile on my face as my insides were boiling in anger. All she wanted was one night with a friend. I needed her to see me as more than that.

* * *

The day was everything I spent the night dreaming of. It was perfect and Chuck was even more than perfect. I knew Cr. Cohen did not want me using that word but I could not help it. Sitting in that limo I stared out into the city enjoying the comfortable silence that we were both enjoying. There was no question where the night would leave us so if he wanted to prolong the inevitable then I was okay with that. I thought I was would be nervous with the knowledge that in a few hours tops I would be losing something I held so dear to me but I was not; rather I confident and sure. I was certain that one night with Chuck and I was going to be shake this need for him out of my system. All the weeks of stolen kisses were leading up to this one event. I was not completely sure how we were going to go back to being just friends. A part of me hoped that we could at least have benefits from time to time. Chuck excited me but he was not boyfriend material even if he was willing to date. He was a confirmed bachelor. I knew what happened on his Lost Weekends and this weekend would be no different. We drove away from Mid-town into the Lower East Side the city was vibrant and full of life on this Thursday night.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked breaking the silence and I turned to find him looking at me. I wondered how long was he staring at me. I did not even feel his gaze. How often did he stare and I not notice.

"My business proposal. I am only a week away from revealing it to my father. I wanted to show you tonight. I thought it would be a fabulously way to celebrate since you were so vital in the idea," he shared. The genuine honesty that he shone through was apparent and I had to blush at the praise. I scooted closer to him.

"It was all your idea Chuck. You are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for," I told him. "So, much smarter than your father gives you credit for," I paused knowing his father was who he always aimed to please. He pulled me to him touched his forehead against mine. He leaned into kiss me. A knock on the glass interrupted us and he smiled at me sheepishly as if to apologize for interruption. He exited the limo and held out his hand for me to follow.

"Welcome to Victrola," he said as he guided me to the door and the door attendant let us in which even a question. (6)

I entered the location. It was dark but sexy. Women were dancing on stage moving to the music and singing along. Patrons either sat with friends drinking or enchanted by the women on stage. In the air, you felt the sexual bravado fill the room. No one was ashamed to be here. Rather the atmosphere provided the feeling once you entered that your sexuality should be on full display. I threw myself into the feeling. My walk became a saunter, the light roll of my hips moved in tune with the music. The dark makeup that I would have never applied that was done at the shoot only made me feel like a siren really to call for a mate. Chuck pulled me to him as he guided us across the room to our VIP section. His hand on my back that always provided me comfort moved lower touching my backside in an overtly possessive way. In any other place or time, I would move it away but I gladly accepted it filled with the knowledge that tonight, if only for tonight, I was his. We were seated at a table with a chilled 1952 Dom waiting (7). The oldest vintage I have ever come across.

"I thought we should celebrate," was all he said. The host popped the bottle for us and quickly left.

Raising my glass to his, I toasted "To an amazing day and what should be an amazing night."

He toasted and smirked. "Packing on the pressure, Waldorf," he joked.

"I mean you talk the talk so much. I am expecting multiple orgasms," I teased. His eyes darken and his jaw stiffened.

"That's all? Well, be ready for more than that. I am planning to ensure that you forget your own name and thoughts and instead focus only on the desire and need you will have for me. I won't be done until all you can see is me, all you want to touch is me, until you are dying to taste me, until you deaf to all other noises than the ones we make, and the smell of us is thick in the air," he whispered in my ear. My mouth went dry and suddenly that calmness I was feeling in the limo earlier was gone. I was blushing head to toe and he pulled away with a satisfied smirk. I knew he was getting me back for my tease so I stood up quickly throwing reason away. He looked surprised and concern as if he had pushed me too far.

"Not going anywhere," I said calming him. "I just want to slow you my moves," I said pointing with my head to stage in front of us.

"You wouldn't," he challenged.

"I will. You are such a tease Bass. Now you are going to see how it feels," I told him before I marched onstage.

I danced for him, only for him. No one else there mattered. His eyes were glued to me. I never felt so alive and so free. The moment I rejoined him he was unrecognizable to me. He grabbed me and kissed me roughly and I knew we were leaving. Pulling away he started to walk to away but I stopped to grabbed the vintage Dom. It was my favorite and I needed some liquid courage. I was gigging as we exited and entered right into the limo. There was one look from him questioning if I wanted this and I nodded yes. We needed no other words.

There in the back of Chuck Bass's limo I lost my virginity. It was not the way I planned it but he was right all I only saw him as we coupled for the first time. All I heard was my own heart beating in my ears as he kissed me roughly. All I ever wanted to feel was this full and complete. Whatever pain I thought I would feel was removed from his gentleness. By the time, we left the limo we were a beautiful sticky mess. Our body wet from sweat and the champagne that we drunk off each other bodies. Dom has never tasted so good.

* * *

She was still in the shower after kicking me out after yet around round of sex. It was almost three in the morning but I felt still consumed by my lust for her. I knew I could never get her out of my system. I dried my hair watched her through the glass lathering soap on her skin. She looked at me and smirked. Giggled she told me to leave knowing if I stood we it was going to be counterintuitive.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed my phone. It had died in the long day we had and I flipped it opened to see if there were any posting about us. The rumor mill had discovered had somehow gotten a photo of us at dinner and questions were ablaze as to where we were at school. Gossip Girl was nothing if not clear in her wording that she believed us to be together. Nate had called me a couple times and left a dozen texts. I opened Blair's phone to see that Eleanor, Serena, Dorota, Nate, and her minions had called her repeatedly. Debating deleting them, I decided to only delete Nathaniel's calls to her. It was petty but jealously was never something I could control.

Sitting up on my bed, I took a cigarette out of my mother's Chanel case and leaned back to smoke only watching the door of the bathroom waiting for her. We were in a suite I had rented for tonight for her. I hand set up candles and drapery just the way I knew she would have wanted. The candles went to waste. Blinded by my lust for her at Victrola I never called the Palace to send someone to light them up. Still she loved them giggling when she entered the room. She lite the ones closest to the end tables before we had went at it again. She was a goddess matching my every move somehow seducing me in her own way. When she came out of the shower, it was in a white terry robe. Her makeup removed. She decided against washing her hair so it was dry and still had some curls that had not gone flat yet. She still looked sweet and innocent. I was amazed how beautiful she was underneath it all. I informed her I had previously arranged for Dorota to send her clothes and whatever beauty supplies she needed. She came to sit on my left against the pillows. Grabbing the Chanel case, she rolled her hands over it.

"This is beautiful," she said admiring it running her hands over the large diamond encrusted Cs. "Vintage?"

"Yes, it was my mother's," I explained. She must have seen me carry it for years but I never admitted that to her.

She made a little 'o' with mother as she opened it and placed one in her mouth. She pulled on it without lighting it to test it the flavor. She leaned over and lite her with my cigarette smoking it effortlessly rather than coughing as expected. I was impressed.

"When did you ever learn smoke?" I asked her. Seeing her like this was new. I placed an ashtray on my thigh for her and I to use.

"Umm. I love 1950s Hollywood movies. Audrey in How to Steal a Million taught me ages ago. Plus Serena likes to light up when drunk," she explained. I laughed. "This is nice though. Smooth," she commented on the exotic cigarette. I nodded but let the silence take over the room. Blair it seemed wanted to talk. "Your mother, I've seen photos, she was beautiful." I knew she was expecting me to comment. I turned my head away from her not wanting to do this now. My feelings were already raw after spending so much time with Blair and after finally being able to be with her. After finally being able to make love to a women and pour those feelings into that act I was emotional raw and open in a way that was new to me.

"Yes, she was." It was all I said and I all I was willing to say.

"You have her eyes," she tried again. My breath hitched and I gritted my teeth.

"Blair what are you trying to do?" I asked her confused as to why now after a decade of friendship she wanted to know about my mother. Honestly, I was annoyed at her for ruining this moment. She knew my mother was off topic.

"I just wanted to know more about her, about you," she explained. I could not help but roll my eyes. My lack of control, self-sabotage, or just hurt that she only wanted to use me for her own pleasure made words spew from my mouth.

"You wanted one night and I gave you that right? You the pleasure you were seeking that Nathaniel could not supply or maybe I gave you the revenge you wanted against him for hurting you. You don't need to pretend as if you want to get to know me further then the size of my-"Blair's hand pressed into my mouth squeezing my lips together her eyes pleading with me to not say anything more that would hurt her further. The anger that I was feeling poured out of me leaving me with guilt.

"Don't ruin this for me, Chuck," she whispered out and I nodded softly but it was too late. This was who I was. I ruined things and people.

She leaned back against the headboard and took the cigarette off the ashtray. A few tears were silently streaming down her face. I leaned back toying with my mother's case that begun all of this wanting another cigarette if only to stop the pain I felt for causing Blair pain for messing this night up. Nevertheless, it was officially Friday and I guess with that came a new reality.

"Blair," I paused not knowing what to say. "I just..." I trailed off again. "You are one of the most important people in my life. I wanted to make today good for you. Let's just forget the last couple of minutes," I said. She gave me a forced smile as she stubbed out the rest of her cigarette. I knew there was no going back so tried to go forward. "Blair, my mother died in childbirth. I…" The weight of the words was too much and I turned away from her. Letting her see inside of me was not going to convince her to love me. Instead, she would only see the weak boy I truly was. Overcome with anger, I threw the case away letting it crash to the wall and tumbled onto unlit candles the Turkish cigarettes flying out. Blair flinched at my outburst besides me. The silence ticked and knew her special night was over. The illusion was ending.

"Don't mind me. My emotions are wacky right now. Today was great thank you," she said trying to diffuse the situation and pressed a chaste friendly kiss to my cheek as if she thanked me for a bite of my lunch.

I pulled her close to me tucking her head under my chin still refusing to make eye contact with her. I could not let her see the pain that her innocent kiss cause me. I did not want to see what I was doing to her. Going from a lover's kiss to only a friend was too much to bear.

"No regrets?" I needed to ask to make sure. She did not answer. She just wrapped her arms around me holding me tight to her. The silence was telling and I bite my lip wondering what had I done. Did she already regret this? I turned the off light on the end table off to hide the tears that came to my eyes. I could pretend to be her Prince Charming but instead I was stuck playing Cinderella, the person pretending to be what they were not. I took a deep breath. The darkness of the room becoming cold a far cry from the romantically lite room I made love to her in only an hour ago. I slid down into a laying position holding her close as we laid together in the silence. Each passing second we felt further and further apart even as we held each other.

* * *

Waking up to discover it was 7:30, I knew I needed to face the world again. All the phone calls and texts I avoided yesterday suddenly felt like bricks weighing me down after the whirlwind of last night. Chuck was holding me close to him and he laid there in the nude, his towel falling off in his sleep. I stared at him and took all of him in. He tried so hard for last night to be sweet for me. Suddenly it felt like I could not breathe. I pulled myself away from him going to the uniform that Dorota had sent in the closet. Quickly I was dressed and got out of there not bothering to apply makeup that Chuck had arranged for me to have. Instead, I took the overnight bag with me without opening it since last night.

Last night, before everything turned sour, I was so happy. I do not know why I tried to pry about his mother. I knew he hated when people mentioned her. I just wanted to know something about him others never knew. Something that made me different from the hundreds of other women he slept with. But when he lashed out instead I knew I was never going to know him the way I wanted to. I wanted a piece of him to take with me. However, all I found was hurt and anger. I wanted to care for him the way he did after the Ivy Mixer, and the Kiss on the Lips Party and every other time before and in between that. He was never going to let me do that. He gave me all that he was willingly to give. When he asked if I had any regrets I only had one. I was sorry that I only asked for night. I was crazy to think one night was ever going to be enough. But Chuck never gave more than one night. He never let anyone get that close to him. Because of the past weeks, I thought he would let me. I thought I broke his walls but I was foolish. I never even made a dent. The mask he wore was going to be on the next time I saw him. He held me close to him and I wondered if anyone would ever make me feel like this ever again. Was this his special gift to the world, to screw women so well that we are fucked up forever?

Placing the sunglasses on my face that I wore the day before I hurriedly hit the elevator button needing to escape the fantasy I created from last night. I was alone as I rode down unable to think of nothing but Chuck: his sweetness, the gentleness, his cocky attitude, and his broken face when I asked him about his mother. He made yesterday perfect for me. I never felt so safe, so beautiful. Suddenly I could not breathe. I grabbed onto the elevator railing clutching my chest grateful for the private elevator that the expensive suite had. Taking one deep breath in I realize it was not my lungs that hurt it was my heart. My heart was breaking because I was walking away from Chuck. Chuck whose arrogance, sweetness, kindness, powerfulness, and most of all his understanding of me won his way into my heart. I fell in love with Chuck Bass. Completely whole-heartedly in love with Chuck Bass and the thought of finding this and losing it so soon brought tears to my eyes. The door of the elevator opened up to the lobby and I was almost at the entrance of the hotel ready to leave when I turned back around.

* * *

1 Juergen Teller work is raw and overexposed. He often shoots for Marc Jacobs and has shot many of his celebrities' campaign. My imagination is not as raw and edgy as his is so no doubt not to his level would not be to his level.

2 The Plaza Hotel with their amazing entrance is one of my favorite New York locations. It is the where Chuck first tells Blair he loves her. Kinda my way of recapturing that moment in a meta way. It is also the location of my favorite scene in the 'Way We Were'. Therefore, I thought it was perfect for the first location of the shoot by attempting to recreate that moment. There is an entrance on Grand Army Plaza st. and a similar entrance 59th across from Central Park. This is of course Mid-town.

3 The Whitney moved to the Lower East Side in 2014 but at this point, the museum is still in the Upper East Side. The movie that I am trying loosely to replicate here is _Manhattan_ by Woody Allen.

4 Tiffany's and Co. is on 5th Av. is the one I believe that the movie Breakfast at Tiffany describes however I am not really a hundred percent sure that one. Since the 5th avenue Location is their corporate office and located in the Upper East we can say, it happened there.

5 The gallery room in the Villard mansion located in the Palace Hotel in the same area in which the Brunch took place. It is as described with 7x7 images of six glamorous women in an ornate room 900 square foot room. It is on the smaller side of a venue in the Palace but I thought it was so unique and different. It screamed Blair. Also the Royal is a very expensive three-bedroom suite in the Palace. The most interesting feature I read about was that it has a barbershop chair in the 'his bathroom' for a personal barber.

6 Victrola is of course Chuck's investment in Gossip Girl. It is actually a real burlesque club known as The Box. Form the picture online I seen it seems to be actually the way Chuck describe a clandestine high-end location. From the outside, you would never guess what lies beneath. The inside seems to be two floors, the second with a balcony that has what appears to be a fresco painted around the balcony. There is an elaborate carousal style horse above the bar. Overall, it is ornate, high-end, and off the radar.

7 Vintage Dom from 1952 would be hard to find and cost about $1500 a bottle. There are older ones but I felt likes 50s era suited this chapter.

* * *

A.N: Chuck was sickeningly sweet in this chapter. I needed him to be a little too eager to please Blair in the beginning. This is new for him and they are in high school so I am trying to think back to what a 'high school relationship' would be plus a billion dollars. I think Chuck would cater to all of Blair's materialistic needs not to buy her affection but to see her smile plus he is just as materialistic as she is. He also wanted to give her the fairytale night he thought she wanted. I needed him to put all of himself making himself vulnerable but quick to feel attacked/used.

Don't hate me for the way it ended. Blair needed to come to terms with her feelings. Her level of denial is such a part of her character as well as the drama behind it. I always found her rescuing him after his father's death to be the moment when she really discovers the depth of her feelings for him. Since I am not killing off my favorite UES father (after Cyrus), I wanted Blair to confront Chuck's fear of his mother's death. I needed her to see the hurt on his face to understand him. Even still, my Blair has not realize how bare and open he was for her through the day, not yet at least. As people suspected the Chanel case is back and not in the best way for Chair. Oh, Chuck, you shouldn't carry things so close to your heart.

I needed to take them to Victrola and let that limo scene happened. There really was no other option in my mind. Which is why I introduced so early.

 **The Lost Weekend** will mainly be Nate and Serena POV's, our sidekicks playing the major roles but there will be more surprise POVs [ _guess right and make my day]_. This will allow everyone to see what everyone else has been doing behind all the Chair drama. We will learn more about Nate/Serena, Dan/Serena, and see Eric for the first time in a long while. Also finally see Nate side in this whole mess and finally the Nate/Chuck showdown. It is going to be essential to the coming events to understand why when we come back after the lost weekend how the characters are doing and how things have changed. I promise surprises, strippers, exotic locations, handcuffs, Coney Island hotdogs, Big Bad Bart, and some awesome (and not so awesome) best friend moments.

See you for **The Lost Weekend.**

(It might be a while until I update since I am behind on my writing plus I am trying to iron out some final plot details for the ending of this fic)


	15. Alright till I fell in Love With You

A.N. Finally I am updating. But there are very few chapters left in this story as it is. Thank you to all those who are still reading.

Brief Summary to refresh memories: Chuck and Blair finally had sex after the photoshoot and after he took her to his Victrola to gain her opinion. After an amazing day together and night in the early hours of the morning our two lovers became distant again. Both thinking each other only wanted one day and not a relationship things sour after Blair asked about Chuck's mother.

Then the **Lost Weekend** happened Recap: In which we learned that Serena and Nate did have sex before the Bass brunch. Which is why in Chapters 8 and 9 Serena looks sick to her stomach that Nate is kinda proposing to Blair. As I mentioned before Chuck and Blair are not all knowing so they are still unaware this plot. Thus, after the Lost Weekend we are left with a maybe pregnant Serena, a more introspective Nate, a feuding Chuck and Bart, and Blair who is determine to make Chuck love her after she discovered her feelings for him. There was also an irate Eleanor over the photoshoot, Bart sitting in a limo drench in scotch, Carter who may or may not be returning to New York for Serena, Nate and Chuck fought twice in the Lost Weekend, and a Gossip Girl Blast of Carter kissing Blair that went out. I think I covered it all but really you should read the Lost Weekend chapters if you haven't cause I doubt the ending is going to make a lot of sense if you fail to.

 **Warning** : There is a sex scene that has been italicized. It is not too graphic however I know some people may not want to read it so skip over it if you wish.

* * *

On n'est heureux que par l'amour. / Only love can make one happy.

\- Les liaisons dangereuses

I could not help the yawn at the tiredness I felt when I touched down with Serena. The last time I was in the city was the day that I realized I was in love with Chuck Bass. But now with that no found information I was going to try to convince to love me back and hopefully become my boyfriend. It seemed an impossible feat honestly but Serena was urging me that Blair Waldorf never backs down. I was dropped off at my home and I was not eager to enter. I knew Eleanor's wrath was going to be immense and yet I did not regret the photoshoot. It was amazing. I never felt more beautiful or alive then I did that day. I knew my mom was going to be mad but I cannot say I regretted it.

I stepped off the elevator moving to the side to allow for the doorman to drop off my bags in the foyer. The noise probably alerted my mother. I heard her front steps as she walked from her office. I stood my ground.

With the doorman still unloading my mother was all smiles. "Dear I called you so many times," my mother said.

"I wet my phone at the beach," I lied smoothly still smiling as the elevator brought the man down to the ground level.

My mother's bitch came out as soon as we were alone.

"How dare you do a photoshoot with a rival designer," she sneered.

"It I not like I was going to be used for Waldorf designs." I shrugged pretending to pick lint from my skirt.

"Oh so you were jealous," she said haughtily her hand on her hip.

"No! I was hurt. You think Serena is so much more beautiful than me. You say I never look good in your clothes and you pick on my appearance all the time. So I am sorry if I ran off to do a photoshoot which made me feel good mom," I confessed yelling at her some of my deepest ugliest feeling.

"Stop being so melodramatic and don't blame your illness on me. It is all in your head. By the way I know you did the photoshoot with that Bass boy. You been running around with him. I wouldn't be surprise if he went on your little trip with Serena," she retorted. Her words cutting into me. All in my head? How kind mother.

"His name is Chuck and yes he was in the photoshoot with me," I said rolling my eyes as I tried to side step her but she blocked me.

"Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my brand to have my daughter modeling on another line. You give him the right to your name in the photos. Do you know what he could do with that? Jacobs was just using you the same way _Chuck_ is," she said saying Chuck's name with disgust. "I would not be surprised if you already opened your legs to him. But silly girl, he is only using you and he will throw you out like trash after he gets what he wants. The most you get is probably a night with him Blair and you are risking your whole future. You were just on the local news standing behind the Archibald family in a show of support. Do you know what all the matrons are going to say about you? Running around with both boys" she said digging in. Her words rung true. If we were in school this would have been an amazing takedown but instead it was my mother saying these horrible things. But she was right so far all I got with Chuck was one night and a promise of no more.

"You are just bitter and alone," I sneered out incapable of a lengthy response but wanting to use her fears against her. Then she slapped me hard. Turning quickly, I angrily pressed the button on the elevator wanting to escape.

"Blair oh my. I am sorry," I heard her call to me as the door was closing I did not see her as my head was down bent in shame as I willed my tears not to come. It would have hurt less if her words were not so close to the close.

* * *

The knocking on the door pulled me out of my deep thought. I was going over the fuckery that was these past days trying to figure out where I stood with my father, Nate, and Blair. I crashed at Nate's last night but awoke with a full mind only 6 hours later the sleeping pill was the only thing that allowed me to sleep. So I stole's Anne bottle figuring she had plenty more. For women on the UES their doctors were also their drug dealers. After showering upon returning home I took two more which allowed me to sleep until four. Rising only an hour ago I was groggily. Even though I was hunger I was more than preoccupied with my thoughts.

Opening the door thinking maybe it was Nate to talk things other further I was quite surprise to find Blair there holding back tears.

"Blair?" I asked confused.

She looked at me in shock as she took in my bruises and spilt lip.

"Gossip Girl was not lying about Nate and you," she mumbled.

"Or you fleeing to Greece to meet up with Carter," my green jealousy showing as I arched eyebrow at her.

Rolling her eyes with mirth she said "That would be Serena." The tears seemed for forgotten but of course I was still concern. Stepping aside I let her in. Instantly she looked uncomfortable as if she regretting coming. The same way she regretted having sex with me only hours after it happened.

"Was something wrong?" I asked again.

Hugging herself she looked up at me with her large doe eyes. "My mother and the photoshoot. She said some …" she looked to the ground ashamed. I knew Eleanor enough to know how mean and vile he could be.

"Don't listen to whatever that witch has to say. You are beautiful and I sure the shoot came out amazing," I told her not wanting anyone to take anyway that day from Blair.

"It is not that. She said… she said that you…" she twisted and wrung her hand until she away from me and walked into the kitchen area of the room.

"What did say?" I asked hesitantly following her. I wanting to reach out and hug her but I was unsure my presence would mean anything to her.

Face to face again she bit her lip and shook her head. She was not going to tell me whatever her mother said about me. I could only imagine the cruel things she would have said.

"She was upset but Jacobs is a rival and she is worried about her sales," she said. It was lame reason since we had already discussed that possibility. Half the reason why I did it was in a way to say FU to Mrs. Waldorf. But Blair was unlike me. I proposedly angered my father while Blair tried to appease her mother.

Finally, having tested my resistant I put my arms on Blair's shoulder touching her again for the first time since she slipped out on me. Since that night I haven't been able to sleep. I think I was angry at myself for not awaking when she left that day. But sleeping in the same bed with her that day even with the anger that I felt that night put me in my deepest sleep in years. She looked at me with a question burning in her. Studying her closely I realized one cheek was stained red. Sunburn maybe. Using one finger I lighting traced the redness.

"Did she hit you I asked?" I asked unsure. Even my father in all his anger never struck me. Suddenly I realize I should not be playing with Blair's home life as I welled up with a need to protect. I was even angrier at Eleanor for even touching Blair's beautiful porcelain skin.

"Yes," she mumbled.

"Let me get you some ice," I offered.

"I hardly need it," she protested. "But it looks like you did. You would have been better of locking yourself in a freezer," she joked about my bruises.

"Well no one was here to care for me," I teased as a placed a rag with ice to her cheek. She smiled.

"Should I have been here to nurse you better," she flirted. Instantly I smiled, hopeful in her affections for me.

"I would have loved for you to play nurse. Should I get hurt again," I offered with a chuckle. Suddenly she smiled brightly.

"You must. Surely there is a bus you can jump in front of," she joked. Out rightly laughing my face felt pain again my bruises but I ignore them. Laughing was so rare for me but laughing with her came so easily.

Suddenly I heard the door open and I knew it was my father. Cursing to myself angry that he ruined my moment.

"If he asks we are going to dinner in an hour," I quickly whispered to her so my father would not hear. She nodded in quick understanding my need to escape him as she had her mother.

"Chuck!" he called out and I stepped back from Blair handing her the ice that was wrapped up. Seeing Blair and I in the kitchen I could tell my father paused himself in whatever he was planning to say.

"Charles, Miss Waldorf," he greeted.

"Hello Mr. Bass it has been a while. How have you been?" Blair, always sweet with elders, greeted my father.

"I have been well," he replied tersely before adding "and yourself?" My father hated small talk more than anyone I have ever met. I smirked at his discomfort.

"Good. Just went on a small holiday with Serena and I returned today," she offered and he nodded.

"I hope you enjoyed yourself. Chuck I really must speak with you," he said.

"We have dinner reservations in an hour," I said as an excuse.

The nerve ticked and I knew he was mad but he only nodded.

"I need to freshen up. Wait 15 minutes?" I asked Blair and she nodded. I was sure Bart would remove himself from the small talk and go to his room after Blair finished with her pleasantries. Plus I did not want Bart to somehow trick me into cancelling dinner with Blair.

* * *

I took a seat the bar top stool prepared to impress Bart Bass with my knowledge of his recent business dealings in China. Parents love me and I was an amazing charmer.

"it seems like your business dealings in China are improving. I read that you are opening talks with them again." I said wit an encouraging smile. It was important for Bart to like me especially I was hoping to date his son.

He raised an eyebrow and I took he was just going to walk away without a word instead he surprised me. "My son is not a rebound," he said harshly. I was taken aback.

"What?" I blurted out before I could think of a response.

"My son is not a rebound for Nate," he clarified. My mouth went dry. Bart apparently knew much more about the going ons in Chuck's life then even my own parents.

I began to blush as he continued to glare. "Of course not," I stumbled over my words. "Chuck is… important to me," I said lamely.

Bart huffed out air in a sign that he had no belief in my words. "All I know is my son has not shown attention to any female to the degree that he has with you. I know all about your photoshoot, the hotel room he booked for two, his coming and goings from your home," he said his eyes testing me to deny it. I was only grateful that there was no judgment in his words about out actions.

"Chuck has always been a very dear and close friend. I know I dated Nate for years but Chuck is not my second choice. He is brilliant, attentive, funny, caring, even in his own way loyal, and surprisingly selfless," I said with a bit of anger. Chuck was not a rebound. He was too special for that.

Bart arched an eyebrow. "Very well, enjoy your dinner," he said as he turned to leave to go to his room.

My courage boiled over and I slipped off the stool as I said "You should know; I don't think he is aware you even care this much." Freezing in his spot only seeing the back of his head I was unsure if I said too much. God, where is Chuck?

"No I suppose he doesn't care to know," turning around he turned to you at me and I could only read surprise in his face. "I don't scare you?" he questioned in disbelief. I knew thousands of men and women who quaked in the shadow that was Bart Bass but I was surely one of them. My palms were soaked but I still found it in me to fight for Chuck. The lonely boy who carried around his mother's cigarette case close to his heart, who still called his dad whenever he was in trouble, who wanted nothing more than his father's respect.

"Chuck thinking he is alone in the world scares me more," I said. The words came out instantly and I wasn't entirely sure what they meant but I knew that it was the truth.

Eyes widening at my statement. "It's not my company he wishes for Miss Waldorf," he said knowingly. Before I had time to release what he meant he had left the room. I know Bart was insinuating it was my company Chuck wished for but I knew that Bart was wrong. Chuck desperately wished for his father's attention.

We went to dinner in a small restaurant in midtown I never heard of. The oysters were amazing and I recognized no one and I knew we were going to be off of Gossip Girl's radar. It was a quiet night and only when we were making our orders did I realize that this felt like a date. Butterflies swam in my stomach and I wondered if tonight would end in sex before I remembered that he needed to talk to Bart today.

I wanted to tell him that he should be more open to having a relationship with his father but I was afraid another argument would begin. After my comments about his mother I was too sensitive to bring up his father now. But he gave me an opening when he mentioned my mother. We continued to talk about my problems but I was too shy to mention that it was her words about him that hurt the most. Finally, I asked about Bart.

"Chuck you and you father, is everything okay?" I asked thinking he was going to brush me off quickly. Yet, he surprised when he took a moment to think about it.

"No not at all," he said as he took a drink from his glass.

"I am here for you if you want to talk."

"You don't owe me anything," he said roughly. He was so hot and cold at times I could barely keep up. I shifted in my seat uncomfortable before reaching out across the table and grabbing his hand after pulling his fingers off the glass.

"You told me twice these past weeks that I was one of the important people in my life. And the same goes for me. Chuck you are one of my best friends," I told him hoping the honesty would show through and maybe he could see that I did not take him for granted.

Pulling his hand away I heard him mumbled. "Friends, ayy," before angrily ripping in a bread roll. Fearing I said something wrong I tried again.

"Chuck I… are you angry with me?...About my questions about your mother," I asked confused.

"No. Ugh," he said running his hands through his hair. "Blair, I am sorry I was yelling and stuff. I really wanted you to have a special… umm night. Without any regrets," he said his eyes boring into mine questioning me to answer the question now.

Suddenly I remembered his last question of that night. "I don't regret what we did. I enjoyed it. Really I…" suddenly I felt hot and I was blushing. Chuck winked at me in and a full smile came to his face. I felt like a silly virgin all over again.

"So how was your lost weekend? Have any new venereal diseases," I asked half in humor and anger.

"No, no new ones," he teased.

"So just broken bones?" I asked.

"You wound me. Don't give Nate too much credit," he joked.

"How did Nate find out? Was it Jenny?"

"Your brilliance is unmatched babe," Chuck teasing me while confirming my thoughts. But his eyes were judging me as if he was looking for some sort of answer. And he raised his hand for the check surprising me.

"Let's go somewhere," he said a smirk on his face.

"Shouldn't you be talking to your father?" I asked.

"Fine then I'll give you a ride home in the limo, _again_ " the darkness in his eyes told me he was offering me more than a ride. It was the way that he looked at me that filled me with confidence in my sex appeal. It seemed I had his undivided attention.

Smiling I stood up and lead the way. I slide into the seat with Chuck following. He opened the partition for a moment to alert Arthur that we were to drive around and to my apartment. Ad soon as it was closed Chuck grabbed my hand gently pulling me towards him.

"Are you sure?" he asked. And I nodded. I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell him that I would always want more but I instead kissed him.

 _I was more than happy to be on top this time with Chuck guiding me. I was surprised with how crude he was as he pulled me on top of him. Kissing me roughly I was surprised by the depth of his need and want. Our tongues clashed, our teeth banged into each other as we breathed in short burst of air. He hissed as I must have grabbed onto a bruise and I kissed it to make it better. Underneath me I could feel how hard he was as I grinded into him. My hands in his hair and his found his way under my skirt while his teeth tugged on my nipples through the thin cloth of my dress. It had to be no more than two minutes later that he entered me as I called out his name._

" _Fuck Blair. So prefect," he mumbled as he kissed and bit my jaw. Rolling my hips over him he growled. Instantly moments of our first time in this limo came rushing back to as I came close to my edge pushed by Chuck's fingers I had to bite on my tongue fearing a sex love confession as I came. Shortly after Chuck had his release._

Then suddenly it was over and not a minute later I was dropped off at my house. It seemed Arthur had this thing down to a science. Suddenly that promise of one night quickly became two.

I could not help but remember my mother's words and I felt use standing there as the limo pulled away. Chuck said nothing to me after we had sex. I did not know what I meant to him. I know Chuck claimed to never have sex with the same women twice but that could be a false statement used to booster his ego. Mortified I quickly rushed into the building wanting to shower.

Chuck asked if I regretted that night we had together I did not answer but now I that we did have more than one night I wondered if I should have just stopped at that one night. To use by someone that you love was painful. So I went home feeling worse than I had when I left. That motherchucker.

It was hours after tossing and turning for hours I turned to self-pleasure in the hopes of falling asleep faster. Closing my eyes, I could not help but think of Chuck. I thought back to Thursday night. As moved my hands in the way that Chuck once had I recalled his tenderness that night. The way he cared for me throughout the day at the photoshoot and after, the way his eyes sought me out at every moment. I must have spent the whole day under his gaze. He never once looked at a woman that day the way he looked at me. Then after at dinner his looks became possessive. Finally, at Victrola his touch became greedy as well as we walked in together his hand placed on my bottom to show the world I was his. I shivered at the thought. Then during the limo ride he poured Dom over my body licking up as he went. Then in the suite the candles he had planned, the slower sweeter sex and then his thoughtfulness when we bathe together in. Suddenly I realized all the care he shown me that day.

I stopped all my moments sitting up in bed. Chuck cared for me. His tenderness showed me that and I believed he cared more than a friend. With that new found realization I smiled. After dating Nate for year who barely remembered my favorite color having Chuck go out of his way to remember so many of my favorite things that day it filled me with warmth. Realizing that I loved Chuck was a shock but realizing that he had feelings for me as well was warming. It made me feel like I had something to fight for. I was not going to give Chuck. He was totally going to be mine.

So when I finally went to sleep that night I felt this lukewarm feeling in the pit of my stomach that I knew was a physical manifestation of love. Loving Nate never felt like this, it never came this easy, and it never made me feel so happy. I went to sleep with a smile on my face as I dreamed to get Chuck to love me, then admit it, and then agree to be my boyfriend. It was going to be tough but I knew it was going to be well worth it in the end.

Of course with love comes heartbreak but then again that is the danger that often comes with affection.

* * *

A.N: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Next chapter will explain Chuck's actions a bit more and finally the characters are going to be in school. They skipped a lot of class last week so we will see Nate, Jenny, Serena, and Blair. Since I replaced daredevil episode with the Lost Weekend chapter the next guiding episode will be the Handmaiden tale. As promised we are ending with episode 1x06. Right now in the timeline we are opening the next chapter on Monday and the party will be on Saturday for all those keeping track.

Sorry no notes this chapter. I wanted to put this out asap but I will return to the notes in the next chapter.


	16. Takedown

I hope everyone enjoys this. We are so close to the end but there is still so much left to happen. The update took awhile because I felt like something was missing from this chapter and I did not want to post it until I figured it out. I was finally happy with the added last scene so I able to finally post it.

Thank you so much for the reviews. To the reviewer who asked about a Gossip Girl reveal, I won't be doing that. I actually like the idea of them never knowing. I think if the show would have been more concern who GG was for six seasons the reveal would have been interesting but since they only really cared like once in the second season and only to fill in the plot holes in the sucky last seasons. I like the mystery of who it could be. But I am happy you are enjoying the story.

Also, to the reviewer who asked about the parental relationship story line. We will see some parents next chapter. But yes they are very important and central. This is very much a story about Blair and Chuck's relationship with each other and then their own with their parents. Chuck sees the worst in Bart and cannot tell he is trying. While Blair tries so hard to impress her mother yet Blair with the photo shoot and sleeping with Chuck even though her mother is against it she is finally escaping and putting herself first by taking the time to have fun. I am kinda doing the same thing in a smaller way with my new story For Love or Money. But instead it will focus on their relationships with their absent fathers and how it hurts them.

Word of warning the scene with Nate and Chuck might not make sense if you did not read Lost Weekend.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any locations that are real.

* * *

 _Boy and Girls Time to get up. Don't you know its Monday and for once we are all dying to get back to school. How many bruises are the dark lord and the golden prince going to sport. Don't you know a black is totally in this season? Brownie points to whoever can find out if the Ice Queen and the It Girl have any tan lines because what happens on vacation never stays hidden long from me. XOXO Gossip Girl_

I swear I felt him before I saw or heard him. I was beginning my walk to school enjoying the breezy fall day when I felt his stare. Turning to look left slightly I saw his limo idling on the street. Rolling my eyes, I turned right and began to walk away. Even though I realize that Chuck may have feelings for me I was still pissed off at him for deserted me last night. I had to make him grovel a bit. I tugged on my cardigan buttoning a few buttons to avoid looking at the limo. Once that was over, my hand reached out to make sure my tan satin headband was in place before I stopped my self. I did not want him to think that I was prepping myself for him. As if. (f)

"Blair," his voice called out from the limo and from my side view I could tell the limo was only inching along following me.

"I got your coffee from Oslo and chocolate croissants," he teased from the limo and while it attracted my interest I still refused to look at him. (1)

Continuing to walk I paused until I got into a crosswalk. I paused as the crosswalk was still red halting me from walking when suddenly Chuck's limo came turning into the corner stopping only inches away when it stopped. It was in a half turn position in the middle of the road.

"Chuck!" I yelled angry until I realize that all the other walker in the street were annoyed. Most were walking to school and a few probably to work.

His head popped out of the window smiling.

"Morning darling. Hop in," he said with a smirk on his face.

"No," I said firm and then the light changed. The pedestrians were visibly annoyed with the position of the car as they began to walk around it. One women even bumped into me, purposefully causing me to bump into the limo.

"Hey! What the hell," Chuck yelled in my defense at the women but it was at the same time the horns began blowing over his voice. At least five different cars from both intersections had their horns blaring. Looking back at Chuck I pleaded with my eyes for him to move but I could tell he was not going to.

"I can stay here all" he began to say but I cut him off by opening the door. Quickly I jumped in overcome by embarrassment.

"Seriously?" I rhetorically asked him as I huffed out a breath. I pushed him until he was further away.

"Coffee," he asked with a smirk.

"No just drop me off at school," I said annoyed.

"We need to talk," he said.

"No we don't," I said. "Arthur can drop me off a block away."

"About Jenny," he recapped.

I finally looked at him and he smiled. It had been a way since I received a bright full Chuck smile and it made my heart flutter. I nodded at his reminder.

"I have the set up ready. Some coke in her locker. I just need you do the honors with a call to the Headmistress as some concerned parent that Jenny is selling on school grounds. Proof she is gone," he said his smile turning into a leer.

"Expulsion is bit serious," I said feeling a twinge of guilt.

"Enough for a suspicion if it is played right," he said with a shrug. Recognizing my hesitation, he said "she is going to be a problem if you don't deal with it now. She is certainly a feisty little thing," he said as he touched his jaw as if he remembered her kisses. Suddenly, a jealous flair came about and I grabbed the phone dismissing my previous apprehension.

"Hello can I speak with Headmistress Queller," I alerted the receptionist who answered.

"May I ask who I am speaking to?" she asked in response.

"I am Miriam Lester, Susan Lester's mother. My daughter is in the tenth grade there," I lied effortlessly. Susan Lester was a sophomore whose father was a U.S Attorney and bright political star. Susan was a goody two shoes who never strayed from the lines. Basically she was everything that I pretend to be at school. Her mother is or was one of Anne's best friends and was highly influential in the parent committee. I have pretend to be her before on other occasion with Headmistress Qeller and I felt comfortable adopting her manner of speaking easily.

Suddenly I felt Chuck's head on my left head which I was using to pick at my skirt. He did not grab it or hold it but he slowly began to lightly touch my hand.

"Oh yes. Unfortunately, Mistress Queller is busy at the moment."

"Oh so perhaps I should call the police instead to inform them of the drug problem at Constance," I threaten and Chuck chuckled lightly.

Immediately I was transferred over and I pulled my hand away from chuck as the silence in the waiting reminded me I was angry at him. I glared at him and he turned his body and face away from me. As soon, as Headmistress Queller came to the phone. I then began to describe the how the panic that set in when Susan came home to tell me how easy it was to get drugs at school these days. I then went on to complain and request metal detectors until finally I dropped the word Jenny Humphrey as a pretend afterthought. Queller believed every word I said. Finally, the call was over and I looked at the time to find we only had about four minutes to get back to the school. Gently, afraid of his response I touched his shoulder. Suddenly every moment that we shared in this limo came back to me. I shuddered I felt a tingle run over my body. I pulled my hand quickly away but he must have felt my light touch and he turned his head. I handed him the phone wordlessly.

He lowered the partion to tell Arthur to return us to school. But his eyes were downcast and he refused to look at me again. Suddenly breathing became hard and I gulped a large breath as I turned to look out the window. I wanted him to acknowledge me but he kept his head turned. Quickly my shyness turned to anger.

"Are you really mad at me right now. I should be mad at you for last night," I bite out angrily.

* * *

I do not know what I expected when I decided to show up at her apartment today. I probably should not have but I wanted to see her. I needed to gauge her reaction to me. I was more than hurt when she at first refused to even acknowledge my presence or get into my limo. She probably does not want to be seen with me at school.

Listening to her wonderful and quick manipulation made me so impressed that I suddenly felt a familiar need rise up in me. I thought her quick action in following my plan demonstrated that she still trusted me on some level. I slowly touched her palm carefully not wanting to rush into anything. But she quickly moved away solidifying her feelings of me.

I looked away from her clearly she wanted no gestures from me. She probably regretted having sex with me the second time. I bite my lip as I looked at the window listening to her conservation halfheartedly. The only reason I left her so quickly yesterday was because it scared me how much I wanted to touch her and hold her after sex. I wanted to kiss her some more. Fuck I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to have Arthur open the roof in the limo and have him drive. Just drive. Far from the city until we see stars and we were far from our parents. It was silly romantic even and I could not risk having her see me like that. She walked out on me the night we had sex and the morning after when I awoke I hoped that she was just in the bathroom or something. But she wasn't. She fled from me. From that night. She took a plane and traveled for hours in order to escape me. She clearly shown what she thought of me that night and of that night with her actions. I had hoped that when she came to me about her mother it meant something further but now I am not so sure.

I felt her hand ghost over my shoulder and for a moment I thought it was a daydream. A vision of sweet madness that I had of her reaching out to touch me. I turned and she handed me the phone. I had zoned out and not realized that she had finished her conversation. I grabbed the burner and pocketed it. I alerted Arthur to take us back to school.

"Are you really mad at me right now. I should be mad at you for last night?" she said angrily. I snapped my head back her confused.

"You're mad at me," I reminded her.

"Well yes for dumping me at my apartment without a word," she said and then she hit me lightly a small back hand.

"I just… I didn't know what to say," I said clearly displaying a weakness. Suddenly realizing how I sounded I bit back "You ran away the first time. I was just making things even." It was sharp and biting but Blair did not seem to buy it. Instead she squinted as if she was thinking for a moment. Fuck, that was cute.

"You are lying," she said firm in her belief. I rolled my eyes and shifted in my seat under her gaze.

"I am not. But don't worry there won't be any more sex between us," I said looking straight ahead.

"Oh," she let slip. I looked at her closely noticing a blush on her cheeks and her eyes were slightly downcast. She blinked and I watched her eyelashes flutter over her face. She was so delicate in so many ways. She looked up at me and slight pout on her face before she turned to face the window. I could tell we were only seconds away from the school building. Acting only on emotion I moved closer to her. Placing a finger on her chin I tilted her face towards me.

"Unless you want to," I said with no sleazily intentions. I hoped she could tell.

Her eyes widened for a second and her eyes quickly moved to stare at me lips.

"Yes. I want" she began to say but her words were stopped as I kissed her. It was different then the last two encounters. Slower with no anticipation. It was a surprise in many ways for both of us. Like all the rest of our kisses. I never wanted to stop.

She pushed my gently off of her but she held onto to the lapels of my school blazer.

"School. I miss too much of yesterday," she said her lips sticking slightly out. I peeked her lower lip.

"Okay. Okay. Plus, Queller should be checking someone's locker very soon," I reminded her.

Her eyes flashed with the sure pleasure of a takedown and I loved the way she looked. Unable to help myself I pulled her in for a kiss. Continuing until I pulled her on top of me till she straddled my thigh. She loosened my tie unbuttoning a few buttons and suddenly I realized that this was Blair before a takedown and she taking control over me.

"We need to stop," she said smiling as she pulled back. I grabbed her ass pulling her closer to me instead rubbing her against me to slow her what she did to me. She giggled and moved closer to me again. She leaned in and rather than kiss me she whispered.

"Meet me for the show a few minutes before first period so we can watch Little J crumble. Then we can celebrate," she said full on seductress. Fuck, this goddess was inside her the whole time.

She pulled back and suggestively raise her eyebrows. And I let my hands roam over her body grabbing her needing to touch more of her. She moaned she arched her back and pushed further into me. I needed to tease her like she teased me. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed her waist and picked her up placing her next to me but off of me. My resistance was only so strong.

"I'll be there," I said. We were at the school and she adjusted her clothes before she opened the door. She was a few minutes late. Climbing out she looked back realizing I was not moving.

"You aren't coming," she said pouting.

"I need a few minute to calm down," I said with a wink. "I won't miss our appointment just a few times around the block," I informed her. She nodded and seemed pleased my physical discomfort. Then she remembered her own as she looked at me lustfully. I looked away breaking the eye contact knowing if she did not leave now she never would.

Even so the confusion in her eyes I am sure mirrored mine. I do not know what I wanted from Blair all I knew was that I wanted more of her. I instructed Arthur to drive around the block. Needing air, I rolled down the window trying to take a moment to clear my head. Finally, when I made it back to school I decided against going to homeroom and figured I will just show up during first period. I made way to the girl's section of the school awaiting the takedown.(2)

* * *

I could not say I was happy with the way things turned out with Chuck but one thing is for sure. We both definitely still wanted to mess around with each other which was not my goal but still fulfilling in its own way.

Serena wordlessly questioned my late arrival when I finally appeared in homeroom. I knew everyone's eyes were on me. I took a deep breath as I glided to my seat avoiding the gazes of my classmates. The last time I showed up on Gossip Girl it was pictures with Carter and before that pictures with Chuck only weeks after my breakup with Nate add in the lost weekend and skip school from last week. I knew what they were all thinking 'She is totally having a meltdown' and for the first time in my life I did not care. Instead my insides were fluttering over meeting with Chuck and takedown Jenny.

Out homeroom teacher was making announcement with I felt my phone buzz.

C- "Just saw Queller on the walk of death with Little J"

I responded quickly telling him I would be there soon. I politely raised my head in my best I am a teacher's pet voice asked to use the bathroom. I was instantly handed the hall pass which was an old wooden paddle that throughout the years was vandalized by various students. I walked down the hall just in time to catch the aftermath of the Jenny at her locker. She was with Headmistress Queller in tears. It took only a matter of moments for Queller to see the drugs that Chuck had planted. I smiled in triumph and entered the bathroom waiting for my right moment.

I fixed my makeup and reapplied my lip-gloss in anticipation of meeting Chuck. Washing my hands and exiting I was surprised to find Jenny at her locker alone crying. Seizing the moment, I approach her.

"Oh, Little J, need a tissue," I said with a fake sweet voice.

"Blair…. Did you… was this you?" she asked wiping away her tears.

I glanced at my manicure. Rolling my eyes "You should have known better than to get involved in my games. This is the big leagues," I reminded her and began to walk away.

I admit I was shocked to her next words but she did not see my face so she did not see the surprise thankfully. "This is not the end. You really think Queller is kicking my out for this." I turned around to look at him making sure to keep my face still. "I am a scholarship student Blair. A poor student from the middle class," making her voice sound sweet then turning back to her regular tone "who has video of plenty of St. Jude and Constance student smoking in the courtyard in the morning. How you think that is going to play on the evening news. New York most elite private school student using drugs on school property. Oh, no I am not getting expelled. Maybe suspend or detention we will see." Her eyes threw daggers at me.

"My, my, maybe you are ready to play in the majors but you see you are a one-person team and I well I have just about everyone else," I reminded her with a smile masking the surprise rebuttal.

"Oh and Chuck is your MVP. I can still send that photo to GG," Jenny threatened.

I laughed. "Cross me once Jenny and you know the outcome. Cross me twice, I don't think you want to know what comes next," I said moving in closer to her.

"You working with him huh," she said stepping back as she gestured with a flick of her head making me turn to see Chuck standing only about twenty feet away from us.

"I don't need to work with anyone but even I must admit Chuck and I are unstoppable when we pull our resources," I said with a Chuck like smirk.

She rolled her eyes and with a small chuckle she turned away and slammed her locker. For some reason I knew it was not the last that I was going to see of her.

Walking up to Chuck as I twirled the hall pass. He was looking at me with a lustful gaze. Feeling the thrill of a good takedown run through me I smiled slowly.

"You really do glow post takedown," he said as he still leaned on the locker. I stood in front of him not touching but feeling the tension of the moment.

"There is nothing better," I said. He smiled and raised an eyebrow as if to question my statement.

"Well maybe there is something that is better," I admitted. He laughed. I slapped the hall pass in my hand as a nervous twitch ran throw me. The pass hitting my hand made a loud sound in the empty hallway making Chuck stand up straighter. I took notice of reaction.

"Wanna roleplay student teacher," I said jokey but Chuck admittedly began nodding up and down.

"Yes. Now?" his asked his voice hoarse. I surprised myself with how quickly I said yes. I laughed as he grabbed my hand and we took off to the school auditorium which was unused. Soon I let go of his hand and took off running trying to keep my laugh from bubbling over.

* * *

It was simple I told myself. Just keep having sex with her. No need for any type of conversation beyond that. No girlfriend and boyfriend business. I am not Nate. I will never be her prince charming. We had sex every day since Sunday and it was now Tuesday night and we seemed to be in no wish to stop.

I always knew she was wonderful but I am being to discover all the ways that she is. She is so eager to learn from me all the ways to please me. It was weird for me at first since I never had a partner who truly what I really liked. I always thought I knew my favorite positions and fetish but Blair is teaching me so many news things herself. I would have never thought Blair Waldorf would have went down at me in school but Monday she did surprising me. Then she ran back to class before I could even button my pants but I made sure I returned the favor after school. Ever since then I pick her up and we go to school together usually a bit late. Then I hang out at her place messing around until Eleanor's arrival.

She kissed all my bruises that have now turned yellow and fully explored my body. Blair is a perfectionist and she is determined to be the best lover it seems even though she is probably the best I had. Sure is not as flexible as an acrobat or have a model's long legs or the skills of a working girl but she is amazing just she actually cares about my long term pleasure. For so long I thought sex was the best part a quick fuck really. But Blair shown me the tease is so much fun too. Today she probably explored and kissed every part of my body for over an hour. I have never been so hard for so long but when she finally got on top of me and began riding me I never felt so satisfied. Then afterward she talks and talks. I try to listen but when she starts drawing on my skin with her finger I instead focus on the pleasure of having a naked beautiful creature lying next to me this time sober and wanting to talk to me to get to know me for me. the whole time I am biting my tongue holding back the four letters eight words that would change everything.

Truth is I should be working on the proposal I am supposed to pitch to my father on Friday but I can't be pulled away. Even now right after I dropped her off I wanted to go up and see her. I needed to get away she was clouding my mind.

I waked up to the brownstone ringing the doorbell a bit hesitant but I knew this was where I needed to be. After I was let in I made my way to his room ready to really have this talk.

"Nathanial," I greeted with less of my usual sass.

He looked up at me and blinked unsure of my presence. After our fight and arrest I crashed at his place but since then we both had not reached out. Letting me stay here after my fight with my father let me know that one day everything would be okay between us.

"Sit," he finally said pointing to the couch that I slept on the other night.

He walked up to his nightstand and grabbed a joint from the draw.

"Should I light it?" he asked and I nodded. He lit it up pulling in the weed letting it daze his mind for a moment before taking another pull and passing it to me. Sitting down on the couch on the other side he broke the silence with a "So."

"Are we good?" I asked bracing myself for his reaction.

He shrugged placing his elbows on his knees he took a deep breath. "She is a bitch Chuck so I hope you know what you did," he said with a bitter laugh. "But she is still the most caring person I know. I do still love her on some level. I think I always will. I know I was shitty to her but I still want the best for her. I know how important her virginity and that night was supposed to be for her and I know for you it probably just another prize. But she was mine. The one girl I had that you were never supposed to have. I was the first one to love her" he admitted but never looked at me.

"You are the one who sounds like she was a prize. She never was Nathaniel. With you she locked in this cage. She broke free of the cage and is soaring. I want to soar," I told him as I passed along the joint. The room was filling the smoke creating a lethargic atmosphere.

Nate looked up at me with confusion. "Is that a sex metaphor cause it's too fucking soon for that," he said angrily.

I rolled my eyes. "No. I mean her as a person. She is much more than that Ice Queen she pretends to be. She is so sexy and confident and sweet and innocent and free and ahhh," I said as I shook my hand trying to find the words.

Nathaniel paused and pulled the joint. He leaning back not speaking but a smile came to his face.

"In a twisted way it kind of makes sense. Here you are a womanizer never to be tamed and there she is the Upper East Side Princess who follows all the rules. It's kind of perfect that you fell in love with her," he said with a challenging glare.

My eyes widen and I thought for a moment if I should deny it. My jaw tense and I looked away. "You're going deny it?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "I am in… you know yea; I am" I said unable to say the word out loud yet as I shifted uncomfortable.

"You told her?"

"No."

"You gonna tell her?"

"Nope."

"You are an idiot."

"Said the idiot."

He laughed hard. "She is going to have you whipped," he said in his breaks from laughing.

"We aren't dating," I reminded him.

"Yet. You are a determined fucker. You get what you want," he said.

I shrugged. "I don't know if I can do the girlfriend thing," I admitted finally reaching the reason why I came here. I needed his advice.

"She only does the boyfriend thing," he said. I paused as I took a long pull and let the feeling of lightness wash over me.

"Well we are still hooking up and there had been no talk of it."

Nate was quiet for a long time and I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. Blair had not brought it up because she was not interested in becoming my girl friend. At the same time, I did not want her to bring it up. I was afraid of how it would change thing. How it would change me.

"She probably doesn't even think you would want her to bring it up," he finally said and I could tell his eyes were reddening and the high was kicking in.

"I don't," I said harshly with more anger than necessary. Opening my hand for Nate to pass the joint back. I needed my high back my anger stole.

"Bro, just man up and bring it up first," he said.

"I can't. I am so - fucked up… I can't. It would ruin her life," I said the words out loud and their darkness crashed into the visions I had of her in my arms. "Everything I touch I destroy," I said feeling the bitter taste in my mouth. I took another pull before it was gone.

"I think we gonna need another joint for this," Nate said as he got up and began ruffling around his dresser.

I closed my eyes and threw my head back. I thought about Blair and how she let me lightly smack her with the hall pass for being a bad student. I must have dozed off because I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and Nate was smiling holding a newly rapped joint. He gave it to me to light.

"Dude. I think you need to try. You can't be afraid. If you really like her then you need to go for it. I fucked up with Blair and as much as I think I will always have some feelings for her for so long for me my dream girl has been Serena. I made such a huge mess of that and she won't even talk to me. So I think you should talk to Blair. If you really love you are going to want more than just sex. Hell, I just want Serena to talk to me" he admitted to me.

"I'll think about it," I shrugged not wanting to reveal too much of myself but Nate seemed pleased with my answer. "So, Nathaniel what really happened with Serena?" I asked.

"We had sex a year ago. You saw us when he tried to hook up when she came back. Then I had basically revenge sex with her after the Kiss on the Lips Party before your father's brunch," he admitted.

I sat up straight and I stared in shook at him. I laughed. "No. You did not seriously fuck Serena and then propose to Blair on the same day. You are so fucked up," I laughed some more and he joined in. "Oh, my god. Was the van der Bilt ring in your pocket- the scandal," I said in between my laughing that I had to half attribute to good weed.

Finally, I was able to bring myself together. "Blair tried to sleep with me the day Serena and you told her the news," I confessed.

"Did you back then?" he said the tension in his shoulder clear as he wondering how long I was keeping my secrets.

"I wanted to but I realize why she was there. And I didn't want her to come to me only for that," I admitted in my dazed high.

"Dude, how long have you had feelings for her? Why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

"What was I supposed to say. Hey Nate I think Blair is awesome and I want her?" I said mockingly with a false cheer.

"Well you could have told me. But seriously for how long?" he asked.

I threw my head back on the couch closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. "You know what the problem with all these feelings are? You never really know when they begin because you are in the middle before you know it," I admitted.

"That is a cop out but whatever. So, when was that moment that you were hit with the feelings. For me and Serena it was January 9th of our freshman year when I saw her at school for the first time after our winter break," he admitted. "Your turn."

"Always," I said. I turn to look at him opening my eyes and I could see the guilt in his eyes play out. "You may have had her first kiss Nathaniel and she may have loved you first but let's be clear. I loved her first not you," I told him waiting to see if would challenge my words. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes letting the memories wash over me. I meant what I said it took me years to admit to myself my feelings but looking back now I would say I always loved her. It was not until a few weeks ago did I finally come to terms with this. 3

"It was hard to watch you to together. Then I found alcohol and women. For a while a long while it was enough. Watch her from afar and keep my distance. I forgot all about loving her and I always thought you were better for her. Then sophomore year happened and Serena left. And Blair she rose to take the throne. This fire came out in her. One I had not seen in years and just like that I was sucked back in. But I kept my distance because she was yours and in my mind you were the prince she always wanted. But that day she came to me for the revenge sex after you and Serena told her open a fire in me. Even still I will never be good for her. I should just leave her alone," I rambled pausing and stopping in the middle of my monologue. Weed always made me speak freely which was why I stuck to alcohol. But I knew it was okay to tell Nate. I knew he would keep my secret and I would keep his.

"Chuck. You have to tell her," he said again. I nodded and asked if he another joint.

So we lit up another and watched a movie. A comedy, Pineapple Express. We laughed and I fell asleep there. It was like old time but thing time all our secrets were out there for the first time.

* * *

(f)- I am picturing Blair wearing a ruffled L.A.M.B sequin ruffled cardigan that she wears in 1x5 to school with her uniform.

1 Same coffee and desert mention in the photo shoot chapter.

2 The school is actually technically not supposed to be co-ed but the show always had them sharing hallways and what not.

3 So the extended scene with Nate was not in my original draft for this chapter. Chuck never gets to have this conversation with Blair in the story and I wanted him to admit this out loud for his character to commit to it. I feel like like an accurate description of his feelings was lacking. I always said his feelings started before the first chapter. However, he does not really understand the depths of his love for Blair until he question why he feels the need to protect her after he finds Serena and Nate together at the wedding. Chuck also is looking for Nate to challenge him on his statement but Nate holds back seeing the vulnerability that Chuck is showing. Also this the moment that Chuck is basically telling Nate don't try to say you loved her first because a few lines before Nate claims that. Chuck is basically saying that is not a valid argument to why you get to have Blair thus he is warning Nate not to begin things with Blair again in his own way. As I said before just because the Chuck/Blair think it only means its their perception. As the creator of the Dangerous Affections universe I would say that Nate and Chuck both fell for Blair at the same time. Chuck was just too afraid to ask Blair to date him in middle school. I think the Blair that they love are very different. I think Nate fell for that perfect princess with manners, grace, and charm that Blair can be and Chuck fell for the dynamic, manipulative, independent go-getter that Blair can be. However, I do think Chuck's feelings do began to deepen past the feelings that Nate has.

I left off the chapter on Tuesday night and the Masked Ball is going to take place on Friday night for those of you wondering about the timeline. I would say the story ends on Saturday/Sunday. So I only have a few more days to write but they are packed with all the resolution to the stories.

I also think it is important to mention that there will be a few plot lines that may not seem completely over because I created this fic in my mind to replace the first six or seven episodes. The idea is the drama is going to continue on wards for many more seasons in our imaginations I suppose. It is a what if we had a Chiar story line from the beginning and how would a couple already in a relationship be able to handle the future that is thrown their way but they are allowed to have a much more stable background.


	17. Looking For You

I actually really struggled to write in Chuck's POV. I had been so focused on my other story For Love or Money and that Chuck is so different. This Chuck is so insecure and lonely but has this false charm and bravado that everyone falls for. Writing that is so hard because I don't want him to seem too weak but I don't want him to be overly sure of himself. Ever since Blair and his first night together the day of the photoshoot Chuck has been very raw, very tense, and on edge. First with Nate, then his father, and then he is walking on egg shells with Bart and Blair. Blair story line is more wrapped up then Chuck's is. So I really to convey the right pace for him. Enjoy.

To the reviews, thank you. I always look forward to reading a new one. To comment about wanting to see Jenny's story continue I am sorry to say Jenny's role in story in terms of moving the plot is over. The idea is that the story would pick back up at 1X07 continuing with the drama that surround them. Thus, I purposefully left some loose ends to better envision that since this is only a beginning not the end. I just wanted to see how C & B from the first episode would look like rather than have them pick up at 1X07.

iAlliegator, I wanted to show their relationship have some depth to it before they confess their love for each other/really embark on a relationship. I like the idea of this being new to them in different ways. For Blair, Chuck is her first sexual encounter while for Chuck she is his first love. The bromance is key to Nate's storyline since I wanted to give him more character, as I mentioned constantly. Plus, since C and N are so different I wanted this fic to show the true friendship behind that difference. Lastly, as you mentioned the lost chapter fic is needed reading. The next two chapter will make little sense as Serena's pregnancy fears, Carter's return, and more will be central.

* * *

 _ **"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."**_

 _ **— Lao-Tzu**_

I figured it all out I told myself. I needed a plan to ask Chuck to be my boyfriend. Simple. But not really. For all of my confidence and ability to direct people to do my bidding I had only ever had one boyfriend. Getting Nate to ask me out was simple I just left some direct hints and he asked. Plus, it was Middle School, I hardly think that it applies now. I was no Serena with her army of boys following her. Most of the guys in class were terrified of me that I had no practice even flirting. But spending too much time in this limbo world of friends with benefits with Chuck was not who I was. I loved labels they give everyone a role in the social hierarchy. This in-between world of fuck buddies was not my style. So I decided that on the night of the upcoming mask ball I was going to have him follow clues to find me. Through the clues he was going to realize my end game and if did not want to be my boyfriend he would not show up and if he did he would show up on the roof. Not accounting for rain which the plan was perfect.

The only catch in the plan was getting the girls to be my maidens without shocking them that Chuck was my intended target for the scavenger hunt. It would have been nice to have Serena here for moral support but ever since our trip she has been distant. I invited her but she told me see was sick. She really did not eat anything during lunch so she probably was not lying. So I was left alone with my minions to explain the plan with no support.

"So are we clear on positions for the night of?" I asked the girls as I pointed to the chart of the floorplan I had attained.

"Just to be clear this is for Chuck Bass. As in Chuck Bass who goes to our school and sleeps with everyone," Penelope asked.

Before I could answer Iz added "The Chuck Bass who is Nate's best friend?"

"Who got into a fight with Nate last weekend?" Kati also asked.

I took a deep breath not wanting to yell but who was I kidding they needed to be put into their place. "Yes, that Chuck. The Chuck who has the best dirt on each and every one of you. The Chuck who is a billionaire with own private limo, personal chef, and two tailors. The Chuck who no one had ever manage to lock down until me. So yes bow in my greatness when I succeed." (1) I ranted up with a flippant turn towards the foyer that told them I was done and they could leave.

They quickly shuffled out and I knew we were going to have to have another meeting. They clearly were not quick thinkers.

"Miss Blair," Dorota called for me back into the living room. She was collecting the props I used to return them my room. "You sure about Mister Chuck being boyfriend material?" I know it was out of concern but I was annoyed with everyone questioning my plan. It only made me question myself.

"Of course," I told her even though I was not sure. Besides him saying no or not showing up was not my greatest fear. Rather I keep having nightmares of dating him until he would cheat on me with someone better or prettier or skinnier.

I once again made my way to leave and return to my bedroom. I was halfway up the stairs when the elevator sounded I paused to see who it was. My mother came walking into the room filled with her usual grace. I looked at her and she stopped and looked at me. We had not spoken since Sunday night when she slapped me. I was avoiding her and she, I thought, was avoiding me. However, her earlier than normal arrival home made me think she had wanted to see me today.

"Blair. We need to talk," she said in a stern no messing with me voice.

"I am busy," I said just as Dorota came into the room stopping short and bumbling the charts letting one fall to the ground. Eleanor bent to pick it up pausing to read it. It was the title slide that read Operation Romantic Rooftop Rendezvous. It was a working title that came to mind after a late watching of Roman Holiday. (2)

She arched an eyebrow in my different and I could feel the heat wash over my cheeks.

"No doubt with Chuck Bass," she said filled with sarcasm.

I said nothing and instead walked to my room my feet stomping as I went. I was hoping that she was would have not followed me. It was not really her style but of course she did follow me. Now she cares about my life.

I was lounging on my bed flipping through Vouge pretending that I did not notice her presence. She took a seat at my desk rolling the chair closer to my bed.

"You did not go to your appointment last weekend. We had a very clear deal Blair," she reminded me.

"I was out of town," I reminded her slipping flipping the pages.

"Yes something I did not know until I was looking for you before my event that you were supposed to attend. I had a dress made just for the occasion." She said her anger slicing through.

"I am sorry I was not here to hear to wear your hand me down versions of Waldorf originals," I responded my anger lashing up as I finally sat up ready to speak my mind. I was still upset over the fact that she picked Serena to head her line over me.

"What is that even supposed to mean. You love wearing the line. This is what I mean. You are seeing that boy and you are going through some teenage rebellion phrase. It is not cute Blair so get over it," she snapped standing up to show she was done. But I was nowhere near done.

"This is not about Chuck! This is about you! You missing my Ivy Mixer only showing up to ask Serena to be the face of the line. The Waldorf line because apparently me, a Waldorf is not good enough to be seen wearing your clothes. Then you come in here pretending that you care about me missing my meeting with Doctor Cohen when you only care that I was not at your party which meant Serena was not at your party!" I yelled at her releasing not only weeks of frustration but years.

She looked at me silently our eyes focused on each other. I waited holding my breath for her reaction. "Blair. I had no clue you felt like this. Why didn't you just say anything?" she asked as she moved to sit on the bed closer to me. But I moved away and stood up. I was like a bottle bursting I had so much more to say.

"You keep bringing up Chuck like he is a one man wrecking ball but he isn't. He was the one who got the deal with Marc Jacobs, yes but I loved it. For years on the set on your shoots I always felt inadequate to the models and designers in the room who had all that attention. For the first time it felt like everyone was looking at me not because I was the smartest or sassiest but because I was the prettiest girl in that room. Jacobs wanted me, me to wear his clothes. You know how good that felt when my own mother constantly complains about me when I wear her clothes. Do you even understand how much you fucked me up! It was you, mom! It was you that made me feel the way I feel about myself," I said half yelling and by the end crying. I wrapped my arms around myself as I turned away from her.

I know I was misplacing too much of the blame on her but it was still mostly true. Plus, it felt good to just yell and be honest about so many things. Dr. Cohen would probably say I was giving up too much blame rather than admit some of my own shortcomings but even she would admit that most of my pressures in my eating disorder came from my mother.

"Blair," she said as she placed an arm on my shoulder but I shrugged her off. She walked away and seat once again in the rolling computer chair. I sat down as far as I could from her on my bed pushing the pillows out of the way. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand probably smearing my makeup. We sat in silence for a while until finally she spoke again.

"Blair," she began but her voice cracked and she paused. "Blair, I am sorry if I did anything to make you feel less than. You are an amazing daughter. You are so special, beautiful, intelligent, fierce and strong. The thing with the line occurred because my marketing team sent over a list of 'It' Girls that we wanted to hire and Serena was on that list. The only problem was we could not really afford to pay her as much as she should have because the line is suffering at bit. The scandal with the Captain really hurt the company finically. We were already paid the down for the loan at the company the Captain worked with. We lost all our startup money for the new lines and stores. We will bounce back but we need to make a splash this time around. I was so excited about having that edge in booking Serena and helping the line that I forgot about you. It was not until after; I admit that I thought to have you included which is why I designed a special dress for you. I sorry if my clothing suggestions ever came out mean or too callous but I am so obsessed with image since I deal with it every day. I just never thought my obsession with hemlines could lead to you thinking ill of yourself. When I was just critiquing myself when I said those things…" her voice trailed off but I looked at her. I was hesitant to forgive and I give her a questioning look hoping she would further explain.

"I design clothes Blair. Sometime I would see you dressed up in Chanel, DVF, Stella McCarthy, Jason Wu, and Marc Jacobs outfits and they are my competitors. And you would look so beautiful in their clothes and I compared how you looked in their clothes to mine. It was misplaced criticism and I should have realized the effects. I am so sorry, Blair," she finished off.

Wiping a few more tears I nodded but I did not want to talk any further and she seemed to understand that. She stood up and left the room without another word. I took a shower to let myself cry in private and to muffle my sniffles.

I was going crazy thinking over and over my conversation with my mother. In order to take my mind off of our conversation and trying to stop to determine if she really truly meant what she said I texted Chuck. I still needed to determine if he was indeed coming to the ball.

 _Hey_ I texted while biting my lip. Silly random texting in the middle of day was not something that we did.

 _Am I being summoned_ he responded. I could just imagine his smirk.

 _Idk want to be?_ I shot back a smile tugging on my lips and tug in my stomach.

 _Would love be but a bit later. I have some stuff to do at the club_ he wrote and my eyes zoomed in on the word love. I know he did not mean it in a romantic way. With a beating heart I took a moment to carefully think of my next response.

 _I hope you aren't watching anyone else on that stage_ It was a girlfriend like statement. I was calculating his response. If he felt afraid on my text, then he would only have sent me a one-word response or worse none at all. I bit harder down on my lip. A minute passed and then what felt like two. I threw my phone on my bed and walked away from it. I felt like throwing up. I should have never sent that text. What was I thinking. He was Chuck Bass Victrola had half naked girls on stage all the time. Of course he was looking at them. He was probably sleeping with them in the back room.

Just like that my phone buzzed and quickly jumped to grab it. I took a moment before reading it wanting to seem just as lax about this as he was. _No one with your presence has graced that stage since that night_ he wrote. The butterflies came pouring back.

 _Late dinner?_ I asked hopeful that I could see him tonight.

 _Sorry I can't. Dinner with the Van der clan since my father is back in town_ he wrote. For a moment, like I used to with Nate I thought he was lying. But Chuck had not lied to me yet so I should trust him I suppose but a sinking feeling came about me. I did respond to him since I was a little peeved. Then my phone vibrated in my hand. _Wanna meet up after tonight?_ It was clear to me that this was a simple booty call. While that was what we were doing these past couple days I felt a bit of hesitation before I responded.

 _My mom is in town and so is your dad. As fun as your limo is it is getting kinda old_ I responded with a bit of bitterness. I wanted a commitment that more than limo quickies from Chuck or at least a response that told me I should have some hope for this scavenger hunt to work in my favor.

 _Bart is probably going to stay with Lily as he has been- so come to my suite and stay the night_ I could almost hear the indifference through his words. But I knew it would be a bigger deal than he was letting on. I had not stood a night with him ever since the first night that left me disappearing and fleeing in the night.

I texted him to let him know that I agreed and I was interested in staying the night. Most importantly he was flirting and his invitation filled me with a sense of hope that maybe Chuck did want this to become serious. So I decided that I would approach him being my date in for the Mask Ball tonight.

* * *

 _Don't be late and try not to be stoned or high at dinner_ Bart texted me and I messaged him back stopping the rapid fire texting between Blair and I. My father made it very clear to me that I was expected at dinner to meet Lily and her children. The last time I saw Lily was when we were getting high in the living room of my suite and my father and her were caught making out. I laughed to myself.

 _I hope you aren't watching anyone else on that stage_ Blair text's flashed over my screen. I flicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth. I paused trying to decipher the way in which I wanted to respond to her text and her suggestion.

I drafted about for different response ranging from over eager, to indifference, too sleazy but finally I sent her _No one with your presence has graced that stage since that night._ I hoped the compliment made her smile but I was a little put off when she quickly asked about dinner instead of returning to talk about that night. It pricked at me as I wondered if a part of her did indeed regret that night.

But I had dinner plans and I explained them to her. Not wanting to miss out on sex with Blair I quickly asked if she wanted to meet later in the night. Eventually she agreed and I smiled to myself. If you would have told me a two weeks ago that I was having daily sex with Blair Waldorf I would have laughed in your face but now that it was occurring I could not help but feel a sense of happiness. To know that she wanted me and enjoyed being with me made me stand a little straighter and taller. After years of trying to feel like a man I suddenly felt like one.

I arrived at the suite that the Van der Woodsen's were staying at while their condo was redone. I came ready to charm Lily and be the perfect son that Bart wanted. I desperately wanted the week to go well since it was all leading up to our business meeting. Hopefully then at least Bart would see me as a man.

"Charles, it is such a pleasure to officially meet you," Lily greeted me as I arrived handing her a bottle of rose champagne and fresh lilies. She laughed as she accepted the flowers.

"Father like son, huh," she said her eyes twinkling as she looked back at my father when she smelled the flowers. I followed her gaze surprise by the smile on Bart's face. He looked at ease, calmer than I ever remembered. Then he eyes came to rest on me. They soften a bit before he turned away.

"Serena," I greeted her as I walked further into the room to find her and Eric already seated at the table.

"Hey Chuck," Serena said trying to smile but it was clear her mind was somewhere else.

"I am not sure if we formally met yet Eric," I said extending my hand out to shake Eric's hand. He looked terrified of me as if I was going to bite his head off or something. But he shook my hand and then smiled an innocent smile that was deep with kindness but his eyes displayed a darkness that I either never noticed before or was new. Spotting the bar, I walked over to pour myself a drink.

"Chuck, you are still underage last time I checked" my father said softly as he walked over to me clearly not wanting to be heard.

"Nonsense, I let Serena drink wine with dinner and Eric is welcome to some of this lovely champagne that Charles brought," Lily said as she walked into the dining room having uncorked the bottle and having it in a champagne bucket.

"Well in that case I'll leave my scotch for desert and join in with a champagne toast," I said smoothly.

"A toast. How wonderful," Lily said.

So we toasted to new beginning which was Serena's idea and we began our dinner. It was weird at first to navigate the conversation. Even I felt a twinge of nervous wishing I would have had that drink instead of the champagne.

"So, Eric are you ready to go golfing this weekend," I heard my father ask Eric when were in the middle of our main course and I shockingly turned my head in their direction awaiting his response.

"Yes. I am not sure how good I will be at it," he said shrugging and I felt like I was being swallowed whole. Bart out golfing with Eric. His girlfriend's son. Suddenly it was clear to me how little I mattered to the Big Bad Bart.

Lily must have noticed my discomfort and pulled me into a conversation with Serena regarding our recent modeling experience. But the rest of the night I felt numb. My drink at dessert did nothing to help me. It was only when Blair came into my suite that suddenly I the air I was breathing got softer and easily to inhale. So much so that I think I surprised her when I pulled her into my arms when she walked in hugging her and breathed in her scent for a few good deep breaths wanting to feel like I mattered for someone. Wanting that sense of pride and manliness to come back to me.

I got up stretching walking over to grab my laptop that was on my desk across the room.

"Hurry up, I am getting cold," she sassed from the bed as she was underneath the heavy comforter. "Or you can stay there and I can enjoy the view," she teased as I stood in my naked glory as I stood with my back to here. I rolled my eyes at her antics while smiling.

"I thought you like my front more than my back," I teased.

"I do. I do. But just to be sure why don't you turn for me," she flirted holding up her pointer finger to motion in the air. I did as she commanded. "Side profile," said turning her finger a bit. "Yes, you will do," she teased making me laugh.

"Oh, I will do huh?" I playfully asked as I walked back to the bed and yanked the covers off of her. She gasped at the cold air hit her. I paused taking in her form. Only the desk light was now on in the room letting me see her against my dark sheets her light skins illuminating the space. Her swallow breaths making her chest rise just so, her thighs that were only minutes just wrapped around my waist were strong and somehow so soft and delicate.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked after a moment too long.

"Trying to figure out which side of you is best." I told her my eyes finally coming to rest back on her eyes.

The lust was clear in them as well as her sleepiness. It must have been already two in the morning and we had school in only a few hours. I found myself caring about her sleep schedule over my own sexual gratification. I blinked trying to suppress my urge to grab her and kiss her. Instead I sat next to her and pulled the covers over us not once touching her. Turning my laptop on I punched in my password and tried to focus. Blair had asked to see my upcoming proposal for my father and I wanted her opinion.

"Here," I said handing her the laptop trying to pull her closer to me once the laptop was on her lap. She shrugged my arm off of her and refused to look at me. The light from the laptop wash upon her face alerting me to the wetness of her eyes.

"Blair?" I questioned softly as I tried to put my arm around her again but she pushed my further away this time handing me back my laptop. I realized she was attempted to crawl out of the large bed but the size of the bed allowed me to place the laptop on the side dresser and grab her ankle at the same time. I was not letting her run away from me again like she did before.

"Get off of me!" she kicked trying to get me to let go.

"Why are you angry?" I asked as I held on to her ankle as softly as I cold. Naked fighting was new for me but so was having a girl I actually loved in my bed.

"Nothing!" she yelled finally kicking herself free of me raising to her knees on the bed crossing her arms over her chest.

"Something Blair. If you don't tell me I will never know," I explained to her. Usually I thought I was pretty good at understanding Blair but this was confusing. Were girls always like this?

She huffed and looked away from me not blinking as if to stop the tears. Wiping one tear away made me reach out for her again this time she let me place an arm on her shoulder.

"You look right at me and said you were looking for the best part of me. Then you looked right past me and completely went cold like you found nothing at all to like about me as if you found me"- she said her words making me realizing how easily my actions hurt her. Is this what a relationship was. One look, one wrong word, could break your heart? I stopped her speaking as I moved closer to her and kissed her forehead pulling her into my chest. Memories of the Ivy Mixer came back and her eating disorder. Blair was not weak but she was fragile and the wrong message from me can block her recovery. Suddenly I felt shitty in my attempt to want her to sleep over rather than attempt around round of sex I somehow hurt her feelings. (3)

"You got it all wrong," I told her pulling back from the hug as I looked down to look her into the eye. "Every part of you is wonderful. So beautiful, open, sweet, powerful, bossy, my Blair," I said kissing her forehead before kissing her lips. "I was just trying to not jump into another round of sex because even though I am insanely gorgeous and with the stamina of well a teenaged boy we do both have school tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep," I told her with a smirk.

She looked at me as if she was judging the truth in my words. "Your Blair?" she asked and I felt a twinge of embarrassment in the pit of my stomach that I ignored.

"Mine," I repeated my confidence overplayed. Blair finally smiled and leaded up to kiss me.

"Come with me to the mask ball," she said in more of a statement then a question.

"As your date?" I asked rubbing my nose against hers.

"Something like that," she teased.

"In front of the whole school?" I asked.

"Something like that," she said again.

"So what does this maybe date that would maybe be in front of all our peers entail?" I asked.

"You have to follow the clues my maiden's give you. They will lead to you a prize," she whispered in my ear. I felt a surge of pride well up inside me again. She wanted to be me to be the hero in her story.

"All that work when I already have you in my arms now," I said pulling back a bit from her. Looking in her eyes I realize that she that there was a sense of fear in her eyes. As if I would say no. Titling her chin up a bit. "I'll be the guy there looking for you," I told her before kissing her and pulling her down on top of me as we laid down. I felt her smile into our kiss and felt like finally I was doing something right.

* * *

(f)- Sorry no fashion notes since Blair was just in her uniform again.

(1) I really think that Blair getting the school bad boy to commit to her would cement her place in high school. Not only would she be Queen but she manages to get Chuck Bass to admit he loves her. It would make her the Amal Clooney of Constance. (B.T.W, Amal is George Clooney's (the notorious serial dater actor's) totally brilliant kickass wife)

(2) Roman Holiday is my favorite Audrey movie. She won the Oscar for best actress in it. Spoiler: Basically it is about a princess who runs away for a night while in Rome. She meets an American journalist and he wants to get an interview with her. But they fall in love and they walk all over Rome. She goes back to being a princess. She sees him at a press conference where someone asked what is the best city she went to on her tour and she shouts "Rome! By all means Rome!" They say hi briefly at the press conference and she has her life and he has his. But they know they will always have Rome. I love love this movie and the romance in it would inspire anyone.

(3) I like the idea of Chuck being aware of her eating disorder but kinda fumbling it up also. He is not perfect and she is sensitive after her conversation with her mother. They kinda have to talk it out for the first time here but Chuck is not letting her run from him again.\

Please review. We are so close to the end. They really mean everything to me.


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